The ones I hear bitching and moaning all day long must be from somewhere else then

A new study has revealed that the infamous “Jammer-Ossi” (that bitchy, forever-lamenting and ungrateful East German species we-all-themselves-included admire so much) does not exist anymore.

Jammern war gestern!

The study also indicates that we, as in you, should actually admire and even emulate them. The East Germans have made it through much harder times than the world is going through right now and blah, blah, blah and not only that, their Ostalgie about those wonderful-old good-old communist days isn’t what you think it is because, well, it just isn’t.

The study is entitled “The East Germans Twenty Years after the Turning Point” and certainly sounds scientific enough to me. The researchers actually went out there and interviewed some eighty (80) people between the ages of 18 (born after the fall of the Berlin Wall) and 70 (born after the fall of the Jericho Wall). They even used psychological tests or something.

Talk about another prime example of theory meeting practice, or vice versa. I still hear all kinds of jammering all day long over here (other than my own, I mean) and it has to be coming from somewhere, people. My theory is that this particular type of jammering has simply gone down in the greater jammering noise in the meantime. To West German ears, I mean. If everybody out there is jammering, and of course everybody is, you just can’t hear that specific East German brand anymore. Those sinus wave thingies have overlaped or something.

No, sorry. The Jammer-Ossies may not exist anymore, but they are certainly still alive – and kicking. I mean bitching.

“Die Menschen im Osten begegneten überzogenen Träumen mit einem konstruktiven Misstrauen und Realismus, der sich deutlich von den oft überbordenden Glücks- und Renditeansprüchen des westlichen Maximierungsdenkens abhebt.”

Political movement or new national pastime?

Well, maybe it’s both. Some 250 cars have been set to flames in Berlin this year by political activists concerned about CO2 emissions (not enough of them out there, I guess - the emissions, I mean).

This car really burns up the road.

Hamburg environmental anarchist types, not to be outdone by those snoots down south, have lit up about 150 themselves. They are clearly doing their best these days to close their incredibility gap to Berlin as quickly as they can.

And now even Frankfurt has joined the party, or one activist there has. Pissed off about having to pay high gasoline prices all the time, this guy lit his own damned car on fire.

“Der schwarze 3er BMW mit Baujahr 1995 brannte am Freitagmorgen in einer Grünanlage nahe des Frankfurter Messegeländes komplett aus.”

German locusts attack US-Amerika

With American commercial property prices falling to the bargain basement level, unscrupulous German investors are once again turning into a real plague-like pain in the property market posterior and have begun snapping up properties right and left, many of these located in our nation’s capital his or herself.

Let my people go!

Normally quite sensitive about perceived locust attacks taking place in their own county, attacks they invariably see as having been mounted from the United States, these coldhearted clouds of heartless hoards of bloodless brutes will certainly be showing little mercy here now.

Get out the canned goods and potable water. We may need them or something.

“We got one of the best properties in D.C., a brand-new fully rented office on K Street with 15-year leases.”

A reconsidering of principles?

In principle, I guess. But actually, well, not really.

Reconstructing Kunduz with peaceful means.

“At issue are how long opposition in Germany will allow its troops to stay and fight, and whether they will be given leeway from their strict rules of engagement to pursue the kind of counterinsurgency being advocated by American generals. The question now is whether the Americans will ultimately fight one kind of war and their allies another.”

“The Germans may not have gone to war, but now the war has come to them. In part, NATO and German officials say, that is evidence of the political astuteness of Taliban and Qaeda leaders, who are aware of the opposition in Germany to the war. They hope to exploit it and force the withdrawal of German soldiers — splintering the NATO alliance in the process — through attacks on German personnel in Afghanistan and through video and audio threats of terrorist attacks on the home front before the German elections last month.”

“American officials have argued that an emphasis on reconstruction, peacekeeping and the avoidance of violence may have given the Taliban a foothold to return to the north.”

“Germany’s combat troops are caught in the middle.”

“They shoot at us and we shoot back.”

You ain’t nothin’ but a Schmierfink

Come on, you know you are, deep down inside. You’re a wanna-be scrawler, scribbler, graffiti artist, I mean. It’s just that you’re way too polite or law abiding or inhibited or whatever. So here’s your big chance. I think.

The Twitter Wall must fall?

The Berlin Twitter Wall, online now, actually encourages people to schmier all they want. It has something to do with the fall of the Berlin Wall that took place way, way long ago on Nov. 9, 1989. I think.

“No one has the intention of constructing a Twitterwall,”

Go vest, young man

Bullet-proof vest, I mean.

This was how the vest was wone.

You may be tough and you may be a German football (some say soccer) star, but when it comes to playing in next summer’s World Cup in South Africa, sicher ist sicher (it’s better to be safe than sorry).

That’s why Germany’s footballers will be expected to wear bullet-proof vests next summer, and stay as near their hotel as much as possible. Even while playing, I guess. Sicher ist sicher.

“The possibility for the players of moving outside of the hotel boundaries should be kept to a minimum.”

PS: Here’s a related article, sort of.

Nostalgia grips city, no vaccination in sight

Swine flu was gestern (yesterday). With the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall rapidly approaching, residents of Berlin are now being faced with a much more formidable viral infection: Cold War Nostalgia.

Nostalgia pure.

It’s infected hundreds of thousands here already, quite some time ago actually, and although it tends to strike harder at those living in the so-called “East”, it can hit anyone at anytime, even non-German types like you, whoever you are.

And it’s gotten much worse these days too. Or at least I have to assume as much, having read that article up there.

“It’s hard to believe that on one side of the wall there were Mercedes, and on the other side this.”

Please make him go away

In his latest Black Like Me gig, “Schwarz auf Weiß” (black on white, get it?), investigative reporter type Günter Wallraff is highlighting rampant racism in Germany, again. And again and again and again. And again.

That's Günter Wallraff, wirklich.

Only this time even anti-racist groups seem to have grown tired of his not all so shocking and certainly not so originally provoked instances of discrimination here. Some are even daring to call his techniques treacherous.

Wer hat Angst vorm schwarzen Mann – in blackface?

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