Monthly Archives: November 2009

The Land After Time

November 19, 2009 By in Hard Facts Tags: 2 Comments

After our time, I mean. Not like this is really news or anything, but the German Federal Office for Statistics has just announced that a third of all Germans will be 65-years-old or older in the year 2060 (not in the year 3000 as Conan O’Brien might have you believe). The German population will keep on shrinking too, from 82 million today to around 70 million in 2060.

No force in the universe can stop this process or something, not even if the German birth rate were to pick up, which, as we all know, won’t. Of course one could consider officially opening up the flood gates and welcoming newcomers to Germany with open arms and having them become Germans and all that but that would be tantamount to letting Ausländer into the country so, like I said, no force in the universe can stop this process. Old people really don’t like Ausländer here, you see. And this constitutes a so-called vicious circle or something.

“Ein Faktor zur Dämpfung dieser Entwicklung ist die Zuwanderung nach Deutschland.”

Bike terrorists

November 16, 2009 By in Hard Facts Tags: 1 Comment

You would have never thought it possible, would you? Some 40 percent of German night cyclists are on/off the road these days without functioning bicycle lights.

She is broken, Herr Senor.

And I’m one of them. And I’m not even German. And I’ll tell you why: That little generator thingy that sticks out and is supposed to turn on the back wheel or something doesn’t make proper contact anymore. Hasn’t for a few years now (yes, of course I’ve tried to click it down like you’re supposed to).

So what else am I supposed to do, like get it fixed or something?

Dabei riskieren die Radfahrer nicht nur ihre Sicherheit, sondern auch Bußgelder, wie der Verkehrsclub (ADAC – an automobile club, get it?) warnte.

Nobody has the intention of building a wall unless it’s a U2 concert

November 5, 2009 By in History Tags: Leave a comment

There’s freedom and then there’s free, OK?

Von MTV lernen heisst siegen lernen!

Who says that the MTV generation folks (and those generations that have followed them) don’t have a sense of history or very much sense of any other kind of sense at all? Clearly aware of the historical significance of the venue they have chosen to hold tonight’s big-time flashy and designer-drugged MTV Music Award extravaganza, organizers have erected a wall around the area to keep the unchosen many out.

Or is to keep the 10,000 lucky free ticket holders in? You know, like from, well, escaping to the West? Then maybe they do have more sense than I thought.

“The Brandenburg Gate is the symbol of our unity, the view should be open to all, at all times.”

GM as in Gottcha Money?

November 4, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 2 Comments

Clearly upset about German Opel jobs staying here in Germany now after all, under such intolerable conditions, I mean (Opel will now remain with that yucky General Motors mother of theirs), a German government spokesman has announced that Berlin regretted GM’s decision to keep Opel and has demanded that the US-American company repay the 1.5 billion euro bridge financing package that German banks and re-election campaign strategists put together in order to convince GM to sell Opel down the river to Russian-backed Magna instead.

The Empire Strikes Back!

I don’t wirklich (really) understand this huffy German reaction, to tell you the truth. Unless of course maybe you consider that Germans are notorious anti-militarists (see Afghanistan, for instance) and hate the thought of working for any kind of general, whatever his or her name may be. This is just pure speculation on my part, however.

“Merkel had personally been involved in talks, offering substantial German government financial aid in return for assurances that jobs in Germany would be protected.”

Lecture time

November 3, 2009 By in Higher Education Tags: Leave a comment

German Chancellor Angela Merkel will be addressing the United States President and Congress later today.

They'll be a short quiz aftwards too.

A little background: The United States wants Germany and other NATO partners to make a bigger contribution to the war in Afghanistan and support tougher sanctions against Iran.

Germany, on the other hand, would like to see the United States make deeper cuts in greenhouse-gas emissions, which some scientists say cause global warming.

Hmm, I wounder who’s going to get what first?

But first they’ll be a short commercial break: “She is expected to highlight the special postwar relationship between Germany and the United States and Washington’s role in helping bring down the Berlin Wall with its tough stance toward the Soviet Union.” Those were the days. When it came to taking tough stances, I mean.