Abracadabra

How can you make 1000 cops disappear just like that? It’s not easy. It’s pretty simple though.

All you have to do is be the German government and spend $1 million on a UN program to train Somalian police in Ethiopia, then give them uniforms and weapons and send them back home to help keep the peace for their government (or what would like to be one) at which point they promptly desert and join opposition Islamist militia groups instead.

Currently, the transitional Somali government is struggling to suppress the militia, including Al-Qaeda sympathisers Al-Shabaab, who control as much as two-thirds of the country.

The only good genetically modified potato…

Is a dead genetically modified potato!

“After two decades of research efforts, BASF’s biotechnologists using genetic engineering succeeded in creating a potato, named Amflora, where the gene responsible for the synthesis of amylose has been turned off and thus the potato is unable to synthesize the undesirable substance, amylose.”

This means that, uh, hell if I know. But neither do the pissed off environmentalist anti-Amflora types in northern Germany who just raided that potato field up there. That didn’t stop them from getting in a rage and ripping those perilous plants out by their rapacious roots. Not until they got busted by the Plant Police, I mean.

“Gendreck weg!”

Help me man I’m sick

Or more sick than I was ten or twenty years ago, I mean.

That Germans are stark raving psycho schizophrenic wacko types is understood and all well and good, but now they’re getting all these psychological and emotional stress related mental health disorders too. Or at least a whole lot more than they used to get. For crying out loud.

Or at least that’s what this latest hospital report link thingy up there says. Four out of five of the most commonly practiced hospital therapies in Germany have to do with mental disorders these days. Nobody knows why this is, of course, although some suspect it might have to do with the fact that being depressed (or talking about being depressed) isn’t taboo anymore. Like how depressing is that?

“Während 1990 nur etwa jeder zwölfte Behandlungstag unter der Hauptdiagnose von psychischen Störungen erfasst wurde, waren es 2009 gut ein Sechstel aller Behandlungstage.”

Berlin police not allowed to film peaceful demonstrations

“There is no legal basis for filming peaceful demonstrators in Berlin,” a German administrative court spokesman said today, referring to a practice carried out by cops here for several years now.

“Besides, it’s only worth filming them once they start throwing rocks and stuff anyway.”

The judges said the recordings were an inadmissible breach of basic assembly rights, as they could scare people (without rocks?) away from public gatherings.

Time to take another WikiLeak

Clueless and naïve? The German army in Afghanistan?

“The close to 92,000 log reports obtained by WikiLeaks do not include any new instances of excessive violence against civilians or illegal clandestine operations on the part of the Bundeswehr in Afghanistan, but they do show how poorly prepared Germany and its military were when they entered the Afghanistan war — and why their mission will likely remain unfulfilled in the end.”

The German army was clueless and naïve when it stumbled into the conflict.

What bank crisis?

“A small Iranian-owned bank in Germany has been used by the Iranian government to go around international economic sanctions and do business on behalf of blacklisted organizations.”

“The UN Security Council slapped a fourth set of sanctions against Iran in June for refusing to halt its uranium enrichment work, the most sensitive part of Tehran’s controversial atomic drive.”

Count this!

Unless it’s number one, Germans hate to be counted. They just don’t like it. It “injures their private sphere” or something, whatever that is.

That’s why a bunch of activist types are out to stop the census that’s finally supposed to take place here next year. They’ve even put together a huge list of signatures of citizens against the census but they can’t say how many it is because they refuse to count them.

And this brings us back to number one again. These guys are clearly striving to be counted number one when it comes to being the one country on earth that hasn’t taken a census the longest. The last one taken here was way back in 1987. Germany is now tied with other uncountable countries like Eritrea, Myanmar and the Congo. But they don’t count, so-to-speak. Or not after Germany’s number one, they won’t. And you can count on that.

1987, das ist schon lange her – zumindest im internationalen Vergleich.

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