Dangerous Facebook Parties Threatening To Undermine Peaceful German State Of Peace And Quietness

Unerlaubte (unauthorized) Facebook parties are popping up everywhere these days, shocking the general German public and keeping the nation at an unusually high level of nearly unbearable anxiety again already.

Many are beginning to ask themselves how something like is this is even conceivable, much less possible in a constitutional democracy.

In a recent incident, for instance, all a German Facebook user had to do was announce to everyone on Facebook that a Facebook party in Wuppertal had gone Facebook public and some 800 rowdy Facebook party makers (with Facebook police escort) soon descended upon the unsuspecting village inhabitants, reeking of beer and wreaking Facebook havoc in the process (the rowdies, not the villagers).

To save Facebook face, authorities are now considering the possiblity of forbidding Facebook Parties everywhere forever (don’t worry, they’ll announce it on Facebook first). Popular support is guaranteed.

Genau das macht Facebook-Partys so gefährlich: Es ist nicht nur völlig unklar, wie viele Teilnehmer kommen, es ist vor allem schwer zu kalkulieren, wer dem Aufruf folgt.

The Viennese Taliban?

Austrian authorities have arrested an alleged Islamic extremist who had undergone flight training and was plotting to target Berlin’s parliament building by hijacking a passenger plane.

Not terribly original I know, but it’s the thought that counts.

This just doesn’t make any sense to me. Islamic convert or not, I have a hard time believing that anyone from Austria could ever disrespect an historic institution like the German Reichstag.

Germany has so far escaped a major terror attack, but several terror plots were foiled in their early stages over the past few years.

PS: “Germans are said to be correct, tidy, fast-speaking people, traveling around the world with sun-burnt faces, big cameras around their neck, drinking a lot of beer and eating sausages. Austrians, on the other hand, are considered slow, and described as placing great importance in coziness, eating fat food like Schnitzel, drinking Austrian wine, riding on white horses called Lipizzaners and singing beautifully like the famous Viennese boy choir, the Sängerknaben.” And flying airplanes into the Reichstag.

Skippy is approaching the Hauptstadt!

Germans are always finding wild animals that don’t belong in their natural German habitat. It’s just what they do.

The other day it was racoon attacks in the Government Quarter. Last October it was a mysterious black panther monster in Trier. Then there are the obligitory annual alligator/crocodile sightings. Now it’s a freakin’ kangaroo in Brandenburg.

I’m still waiting for the pink elephants, though. What is it with this Extrawurst (being something special) mentality here? Why can’t they just tell fish stories and get abducted by aliens like everybody else does?

Die Spur verlor sich dann. Es gebe bisher keine Hinweise, woher das Tier stammt oder wem es gehört.

“Now I’m going to talk!”

What, you (or your lawyers) didn’t talk during the trial?

It’s cash in, I mean payback time for Claudia D., I guess. She’s telling all or something, now that the celebrity weatherman she accused of having raped her has been acquitted.

No DNA was found on the knife allegedly used in the incident, the origin of a bruise on the woman’s leg remained unclear, and it was shown that the woman had lied about a detail of the incident.

„Ich bin mit dem Freispruch nicht einverstanden.“

“Nobody has the intention of building a wall”

It was 50 years ago today,
Walter Ulbricht lied his ass away (as in off).

He’s been going in and out of style (mostly out),
but he’s still guaranteed to raise a smile.

Some world-class lies are better (and more complex) than others, especially when they are answers to questions that nobody ever asked. Was his just a Freudian slip? Did he purposely bring up not building a wall to bring the issue (everyone leaving East Germany) to a head and finally get Krushchev’s permission to build the thing? Or was he just a fun-loving prankster. At the moment I’m inclined to think it’s that last one. If you listen closely to his little laugh, it sounds way too much like Barney Rubble’s (the German synchronization).

Das hämische Lachen, das die Dreistigkeit der Lüge auch 50 Jahre danach noch zu steigern vermag, trägt comichafte Züge. Kein Wunder, erinnert es doch stark an Barney Geröllheimer, den besten Freund von Fred Feuerstein aus der US-Zeichentrickserie „The Flintstones“. Zumindest in der deutschen Übersetzung gleicht Barneys – von Gerd Duwner synchronisierte – berühmte „Hehehehe“-Lache der von Walter Ulbricht, als der DDR-Staatsratsvorsitzende am 15. Juni 1961 in einer legendären Pressekonferenz Geschichte schreibt – in dem er auf eine Frage antwortet, die gar nicht gestellt worden ist.

A Country Named Sue

You sue, I sue, we all do (sue). And here I thought Germany was the land of Konsens (consensus – not common sense). At least when it comes to doing this nuclear phaseout thang, I mean. Fooled again.

OK, it is logical and predictable that Germany’s power companies now have hurt feelings and are preparing to take legal action against the government’s decision to shut down their nuclear power plants because, well, the government is shutting down their nuclear power plants.

But what about all the thousands of lawsuits being prepared by power-line, wind energy and other regional resistance group apponents the nation over set to flood the lawsuit market once these big honkin’ power-line thingies start going up? You know, the power-lines that will transport the good offshore wind farm energy from the north to the bad industrial south?

Why can’t we (as in you) learn to live together in simple peace and harmony? Now that the nuclear power dragon has finally been slain, I mean. Come on, folks. Join hands, form a circle, sit down and talk.

Specifically, they will invoke Article 14 of the German constitution, which addresses the question of whether the companies’ assets are being expropriated, and if they are therefore entitled to compensation. After that, the amount of compensation would be negotiated in civil courts. According to internal calculations, the industry envisions a potential sum of €20 billion ($29 billion). The burden would ultimately fall on taxpayers.

“Frau am Steuer…das wird teuer!”

“A woman at the wheel, that’ll cost you!”

Who would have thought that? According to Germany’s Federal Agency for Electricity, the German electricity grid is in a thoroughly chaotic condition these days. No one can explain why. And the cost of purchasing needed electricity (nuclear generated) at the European Energy Exchange has already gone up 10 percent and further increases are expected to follow soon. It’s bizarre. It’s almost as if some crazy person had shut down eight nuclear power plants here or something.

Yup, Angie Merkel’s Fukushima-driven German angst Atomaustieg (nuclear phase-out) may have indeed been absolutely necessary and of critical urgency (opinion polls, folks, you gots to give the people what they want), but hysteria does have its price. Even in Germany, I mean. But who cares? I know the Germans pretty well and I am convinced that they are all going to be more than willing to pay radically higher electricity bills in order to avoid the, uh, tsunami threat on the home front.

What I really don’t understand is the economics at play here. There is clearly an overabundance of hysteria in this country, right? Shouldn’t that make the price of hysteria, like, cheaper or something? I’d ask an economist but you know how the adage goes: For every economist there is an equal and opposite economist.

“Das Bundeskartellamt erwartet als Folge des Atomausstiegs steigende Strompreise. An der Strombörse sind die Preise bereits um zehn Prozent gestiegen.”