Lothar Matthäus Claims He Isn’t Really Dead

After bringing by an ärztliches Attest (doctor’s certificate) certifying that he is “in fact like really and truly actually still alive,” ex-soccer star Lothar Matthäus has received an official apology from the otherwise infallibel Deutsche Post for returning a letter addressed to him from his ex-wife as unzustellbar (undeliverable) due to his being, well, like verstorben (deceased) already.

Lothar

“Look, I’ve been dead for my ex-wife for years now, but this is taking it a little over the top, don’t you think?” the living and breathing Promi (celebrity, sort of) said, still alive and kicking.

Weil ein Brief seiner Ex-Frau Liliana nicht zugestellt werden konnte, wird der 52-Jährige kurzerhand für tot erklärt.

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One response

  1. Maybe he was just on stage somewhere?
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