Dumb Deutsch

Dumb Deutsch, Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

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Have you ever ordered leather cheese? Have you ever told your cab driver that your hotel is located on One-Way Street? I doubt it. But English speakers trying to speak German say bizarre things like this all the time and I, for one, feel their pain. Acutely, even. They are speaking Dumb Deutsch. And they have no one else to blame but themselves.

The German language is complex, treacherous and terribly difficult to learn, you see. Dumb Deutsch, on the other hand, is relatively straightforward and can be learned in about fifteen minutes. This is the problem, of course. And here are some of the shocking results.

Please sit back and enjoy this short collection of bloodcurdling blunders, frightful faux pas and grisly gaffes, all in the Dumb Deutsch original. For the sake of fairness, a number of ridiculous errors Germans make when trying to speak English have also been included.

Bitte Beachten: Diese Sammlung von peinlichen Ausrutschern und haarsträubenden Fehltritten ist selbstverständlich auch für Deutsche Leser geeignet.

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9 responses

  1. An American hits the bumper of a German car at a red light.
    The outraged German get´s out and screams: “Gleich geht´s los hier!”
    The American asks his German wife, who stayed in the car, what he meant and she answers: “Equal goes it loose here!”

    • And the story didn´t end at the light:
      When the American, topped off with a black eye, told his German friends about the accident at the local Gasthaus, they asked how he got that? He said, he´d only said to his wife: “Du Gans, hast Recht.”

  2. COOL stuff, youz guyz! Thanks. I’ve also heard the one about “equal goes it loose” (I think it’s a myth) when President Lübke apparently said that to the Queen before the start of horse race.

    Ouch, Stu! Hardcore literal translation time. And that one took me quite some time to decode, too (maybe I should go work for the NSA):
    Gehalt überwiesen.
    Rechtsanwalt.

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