Love Parade Back In Berlin

Only now they’re calling it the Love Pot Parade. OK, the Hanfparade.

Dope

Some 6000 activists have gotten together in the Hauptstadt again to demand the legalization of cannabis. It’s the same procedure (and same 6000 participants?) as last year. Countless thousands more really wanted to take pot, I mean part, this year but fell asleep on the couch again next to several empty bags of those cool Dorrito-like chips they sell over at Reichelt.

“Das sind weniger, als wir uns erhofft habe”», sagte Steffen Geyer, Sprecher der Parade. Es seien wieder nur die Leute da gewesen, “die immer kommen”. Die jährliche Hanfparade gibt es seit 1997.

Germans Really Are Industrious

Even when it comes to industrial piracy.

Piracy

German companies are ranked second in the world for industrial plagiarism, a global study released today has found (only China does it better). The numbers indicate that 1 in 4 plagiarized tech goods are made in Germany.

Of course the only problem with this study is that it was made by the the Federation of German Machine and Equipment Builders (or VDMA) so it may have been plagiarized itself.

And no, this wasn’t in the news tonight.

Für den Ideenklau ist oft nicht ein Produzent im fernen China, sondern der Konkurrent um die Ecke verantwortlich.

German Of The Day: Lebenslänglich

That means life-long, like in a life-long prison sentence?

Prison

That’s what this guy here got for killing that young woman there (and someone else not pictured), pretty much televised live. Actually, he got two life-long prison sentences. And that’s why he’s getting out of prison now because life-long in Germany, as in life-long prison sentence life-long, means 15 years and since he was sentenced in 1991 that means that, well, I dunno, he’s been in there a whole lot of years and it’s only fair that he be allowed to come out now, right?

Das Landgericht in Essen hatte die beiden Männer 1991 zu lebenslanger Haft verurteilt.

Berlin Convicts Unionize For Minimum Security

I mean for minimum wage. I kid you not. Here’s another one of those “I don’t make this stuff up, people” stories.

Union

Only in Berlin can prison inmates set up the the world’s first union for prisoners so they can campaign to get a minimum wage and a pension plan for convicts.

Hey guys, you forgot about the early retirement part. Hardy, har, har.

And what are they going to call your pension plan, anyways? Social High Security? Yuckity yuck.

Häftlinge der Justizvollzugsanstalt fordern einen Mindestlohn für Inhaftierte und eine Rentenversicherung

Germans Now Not Sure If Whistleblowing Is A Scientific Achievement After All

Germans are very precise and proper and legalistic when it comes to, well, when it comes to just about anything you can possibly imagine so it shouldn’t surprise any of us out here all that much that the rector of the German university in Rostock, where academics have voted to award NSA leakmeister Edward Snowden himself an honorary doctorate, is now trying to have the decision reversed, his argument being that Snowden’s actions did not fulfill the the university’s required criteria. Dude, like what a party pooper.

Snowden

It appears that there is some sticky little detail somewhere in their regulations about honorary doctorates only being allowed for “special academic achievement” and the rector, nitpicky like German rectors are, has now pointed out to everyone that Snowden’s leaking to the media of NSA documents doesn’t wirklich (really) constitute that.

This won’t be the last word on this, of course. But still. And there’s still the Nobel Peace Prize on its way, too. So take a chill pill, people. Your hero will get his honors yet.

Datenübergabe keine wissenschaftliche Leistung

What Kind Of SPD Do You Want?

They’re switch-hitters, you know. You can have the Squeaky-Clean Party of Doves SPD that has been making a whole lot of noise these days about curbing German arms exports but hasn’t wirklich (really) taken all that much action up until now and of course never, ever, ever will.

Tanks

Or you can have the Sweet and Plentiful Dough SPD that boasts of having two former lawmakers who are said to have raked in over five million euros in commissions from the German defense contractor Krauss-Maffei Wegmann for two big honking tank deals.

This little tidbit, that nobody here is particularly interested in, was uncovered during an investigation being made by Pricewaterhouse Coopers looking into charges of payoffs made to Greece.

Wurde Einfluss auf die Auftragsvergabe genommen?

Germans Already Lining Up To Be Forgotten By Google

Europe’s top court ruling that Google and other Internet companies can now be made to remove “irrelevant or excessive personal information” from search engine results has triggered a virtual stampede of excited Germans demanding that their irrelevant and excessive personal information be removed from the Internet immediately.

Google

“Irrelevant and excessive personal information is the only kind of information I produce,” said one soon-to-be-forgotten Google skeptic. “Or consist of, if you will. So you can bet that I just can’t wait to be wiped out of virtual existence for good!”

“The ruling will help certain people hide their past, making it difficult to access certain information, but not when it concerns public figures, or people in whom there is a genuine public interest. This will result in added costs for Internet search providers who will have to add to their take-down policies the means for removing links to an individual’s data, and develop criteria for distinguishing public figures from private individuals.”

Eco-Farmer Finds Magic Way To Increase Number Of Eco-Chickens

And he’s not telling anybody, either.

Chicken

Everybody is an eco-activist in Germany, as you well know. The Organic Bourgeois have been calling the shots here for quite some time now.

So you can imagine the organic bourgeois brouhaha today now that it’s come out how that über-eco organic food chain Neuland has been receiving 130,000 organic chicken pieces annually from an eco-farmer who only had enough eco-chickens to deliver 80,000. Talk about turning water into wine. Or maybe he just sliced them up really well?

2013 lieferte der niedersächsische Betrieb schon 130.000 Hühner an Neuland-Geschäfte. Den Vereinsstatuten zufolge hätte er aber höchstens 16.000 Tiere auf seinem Hof halten dürfen. Bei jährlich rund fünf Schlachtdurchgängen wären das rund 80.000 Hühner.

Bring This Guy To Germany, Please

German Aufregung (fuss and commotion) is a funny thing.

Edward Snowden

On the one hand, the Germans feel that it is absolutely, unquestionably and positively of the very utmost importance that their Volksheld Edward Snowden be brought to Germany right here this minute so he can testify against that despicable Empire of Evil itself, the NSA (stands for Narks, Spys and Agent provocateurs, I think).

On the other hand, well, if Mr. Snowden were in fact to come to Germany, the Germans, unfortunately being Germans, being the reliable, law-abiding and legalistic Germans they are, would have no other recourse but to extradite their folk hero to US-Amerika to face the criminal charges that are currently waiting for him there.

This is a dilemma. Or maybe a predicament. Perhaps even a quandary. At any rate, it really is a funny thing, like I said. You see it just doesn’t cost you anything to make a big loud fuss and commotion about something when you know right from the start you won’t ever “have to deliver” on anything concerning it.

“Wenn Snowden nach Deutschland käme, müsste die Bundesregierung meines Erachtens einem rechtlich einwandfreien Auslieferungsersuchen der USA stattgeben.”

Thank Goodness Email Made In Germany Is Safe

Safe from those awful NSA criminals over there in US-Amerika, I mean. Remember the recent “Boom Triggered By NSA: German Email Services Report Surge in Demand” hype?

Theft

Well now it turns out that evil data criminals have somehow managed to steal some 18 million email accounts, with passwords, across the board, from all the major German Internet providers. And these guys weren’t even working for the NSA, people!

You just can’t trust any kind of Internet criminal these days, I guess.

Die Staatsanwaltschaft Verden ist auf einen Datensatz von 18 Millionen E-Mail-Adressen samt Passwörtern gestoßen. Betroffen sind alle großen deutschen Provider.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 235 other followers