We Don’t Want To Ruffle Any Russian Feathers Here, People

European leaders have debated how to punish Russia for its actions in Crimea. But for many Germans, the key is not to ruffle Russian feathers.

Russians

And besides, “instead of playing the stooge of the US in the encirclement of Russia, Brussels must finally be able to build positive relations with Moscow and show understanding of Russian interests.”

Bring This Guy To Germany, Please

German Aufregung (fuss and commotion) is a funny thing.

Edward Snowden

On the one hand, the Germans feel that it is absolutely, unquestionably and positively of the very utmost importance that their Volksheld Edward Snowden be brought to Germany right here this minute so he can testify against that despicable Empire of Evil itself, the NSA (stands for Narks, Spys and Agent provocateurs, I think).

On the other hand, well, if Mr. Snowden were in fact to come to Germany, the Germans, unfortunately being Germans, being the reliable, law-abiding and legalistic Germans they are, would have no other recourse but to extradite their folk hero to US-Amerika to face the criminal charges that are currently waiting for him there.

This is a dilemma. Or maybe a predicament. Perhaps even a quandary. At any rate, it really is a funny thing, like I said. You see it just doesn’t cost you anything to make a big loud fuss and commotion about something when you know right from the start you won’t ever “have to deliver” on anything concerning it.

“Wenn Snowden nach Deutschland käme, müsste die Bundesregierung meines Erachtens einem rechtlich einwandfreien Auslieferungsersuchen der USA stattgeben.”

What Goes Around Comes Around

Even GERMANS hate compatriots who reserve sunloungers on holiday, according to new research

Chairs

Germans take around 70million holidays a year as a nation, but are far from relaxed despite all their time off.

The survey found that most Germans abroad get upset easily – including 14 per cent who are annoyed by other tourists, mainly Russians, Chinese, Brits and other Germans.

Bleeding-Heart German Responsible For Heartbleed Bug

Well here’s yet another case of that famous German Gründlichkeit in action (that means thoroughness).

Heartbleed
A major Internet security bug that affects websites like Google and Facebook has been discovered, leaving users’ financial details and emails vulnerable to theft by cybercriminals.

The so-called “Heartbleed bug” was discovered in OpenSSL software—an encryption service used by around two-thirds of websites to protect information sent to and from Web pages.

The German software developer responsible says that he didn’t deliberately make the mistake when he was working on the popular OpenSSL software. Honest.

“In one of the new features, unfortunately, I missed validating a variable containing a length.”

Unbearable, Insupportable, Unendurable, Etc.

The latest study only confirms what many of us have suspected all along: Very, very, very many of those hard-working, dedicated and self-sacrificing German teachers everywhere out there (German teachers, not teachers of German) just can’t take it anymore.

Teachers

Thirty percent (30) suffer from “burnout” and exhaustion and, although certainly none of them would want to openly suggest such a shameful thing, it is obvious to most of those many of us that they may all have to seriously consider going on early retirement. Earlier than the normal early retirement German teachers usually go on, I mean. Early early retirement, so-to-speak.

By the way… Burnout is not a recognized disorder in the DSM although it is recognized in the ICD-10[2] and specified as a “State of vital exhaustion” (Z73.0) under “Problems related to life-management difficulty” (Z73), but not considered a “disorder.”

30 Prozent der Lehrer und Erzieher leiden unter Burn-out und Erschöpfung, die Zahl der Krankheitstage hat sich verdoppelt.

Germany Says It’s “Very Worried” About Eastern Ukraine

Russia replies: “You must have confused us with somebody who gives a shit.”

Ukraine

Pro-Russian demonstrators stormed regional government buildings in the industrial hub of Donetsk on Sunday as well as security service offices in nearby Luhansk and the regional administrative building in Kharkiv.

“We must urgently renew our appeal to all those in positions of responsibility to help stabilise the region and avoid such escalation.”

Meanwhile… Gazprom-Gerd celebrates his 70th birthday in Hannover and everybody is having a ball! It’s unclear if Vlad Putin will be able to attend or not, however.

News flash! This just in: Vlad couldn’t make it after all but sent G.-G. some Happy Birthday fireworks instead! How cute or something.

Putin-Verstehers Shocked By McDonald’s Provocative Move

McDonald’s has startled Putin “understander” everywhere across Germany by announcing that it has shut down three of its franchise fast food joints in Crimea.

Understanding

Damn. These are clearly the most effective Western sanctions yet. And could lead to war or something.

In the days of the cold war, the Soviet Union and East Germany infiltrated their spies into the Bundestag, the federal bureaucracy, and even the chancellor’s (Willy Brandt’s) inner circle. The Federal Republic of Germany was Russia’s most spectacular espionage success, made possible by the common lineage of German communists and the Social Democrats (SPD), who alternated in power with rival Christian Democrats throughout the postwar era.

A quarter century after the end of the cold war, the German social democrats are still providing ideological cover for the Russian Bear along with their cast-out brethren – the ex-communists of Die Linke party. These prominent German Putin-Empathizers (from Versteher or, literally “understander” in German) serve as Putin’s first line of defense against meaningful European sanctions for the Anschluss of Crimea.

PS: Speaking of closing shop, “Wetten, das..?ITSELF has been cancelled on German TV itself. In Germany itself. Holy guacamole! What’s the German equivalent for Americana anyway?

I bet the ZDF might have been prepared to cancel the show in Crimea, too. If it were aired there, I mean. But it isn’t so they won’t.

Der Aufwand der Show stünde nicht mehr im Verhältnis zur Resonanz der Zuschauer.

German Energy Turnaround Finally Turned Around For Good?

As in your classic “tango uniform” turnaround? She is way too expensive, señor.

Turnaround

The German Energiewende (energy transition) – once an international model – threatens to disintegrate…

The Handelsblatt Research Institute monitored 24 industrialised and newly industrialising countries over a span of 5 years, looking at 51 different indicators. In the end, the researchers condensed the data into two overall rankings: mapping the status quo, and tracing the trend of the past 5 years.

Good news first: Germany’s current ranking is a respectable 8. Only smaller states with “good topographies” had better results, explained Rürup during the presentation of the study. Sweden holds first place, followed by Norway, Austria, Switzerland and Denmark. But even France – due to its high share of nuclear power – and Spain outranked Germany.

But for Germany, the results of the second category are even worse. Here, in the “dynamic ranking”, which reflects the developing trend during the examination period, Germany came in last place.

The reason for this, according to the study, are rising CO2 emissions and high per capita energy consumption. Energy prices have also risen significantly in recent years; nowhere, do households spend more on their energy bills than in Germany.

Nach der Bund-Länder-Einigung auf die Ausgestaltung der Energiewende droht Gabriel neues Ungemach. Grund sind die hohen Kosten für das Projekt.

PS: If only they could learn how to harness the power of Berlin’s rising ground water.

Best Paid Pilots In The World Need More Money

And more early retirement.

Strike

Lufthansa has now been grounded by a three-day pilot strike.

Lufthansa pilots belong to the best paid pilots in the world. At some American airlines the pilots only earn a fraction of what they get, an international comparison shows.

Die Piloten der Lufthansa gehören zu den bestbezahlten Flugkapitänen weltweit. Bei einigen amerikanischen Fluglinien wird nur ein Bruchteil dessen verdient, wie ein internationaler Vergleich zeigt.

“We’ll first see out the strike and then we’ll think about talks.”

PS: The belief that labor unions can substantially raise real wages over the long run and for the whole working population is one of the great delusions of the present age. This delusion is mainly the result of failure to recognize that wages are basically determined by labor productivity

Even The Germans Are Figuring Out That ADHD Is A Hoax

The use of Ritalin for ADHD (ADHS in German) in Germany is now sinking for the first time in 20 years. And this despite the fact that more and more adults are now using it.

ADHS

German families and even German doctors themselves are now coming to the shocking conclusion that not every German child with the fictitious disease needs to be prescribed a real medicine for it. So like, what do they do now? And how are they going to break it to the kids?

Some sociologists consider ADHD to be an example of the medicalization of deviant behavior, or in other words, the turning of the previously non medical issue of school performance into a medical one.

“ADHD is a prime example of a fictitious disease.”

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