Stress Lady Back With A Vengeance

Just like she already was here and here and here and here. And here.


Jeepers. What took her so long this time? I mean, what with all of this refugee-terror-soccer-match-cancellation-stress going on around here these days.

But as it turns out, she and her German compatriots don’t seem to be all that stressed out about those kind of things, believe it or not (believe it).

The latest stress survey indicates, for instance, that about one quarter of all Germans are primarily stressed out about the kind of stress that they put themselves under. These are Germans stressed out about being , well, German, I guess you could say. Damn. I wouldn’t want to live under that kind of stress, either.

Some 19 percent are stressed out about not having enough money.

Around 15 percent need more sleep and early retirement, I assume, because having to work for a living is a really big stress factor for them.

And 14 percent are stressed out by not having enough time to do what they want to do. You know, like being more stressed out about stuff?

The Germans remaining, I assume, were not able to adequately stress through verbal communication just how stressed out they really, truly are.

Wie die GfK in einer am Mittwoch veröffentlichten Umfrage herausgefunden hat, stellt der Druck, den man sich selbst macht, die hauptsächliche Stress-Ursache bei den Deutschen dar.

German Of The Day: Dreck Am Stecken

That means there is dirt stuck (to you) somewhere or you have dirt under your carpet – as in having done something wrong or illegal.


You know, like Volkswagen has/does in US-Amerika? The company inserted a device into almost 500,000 cars meant to trick emissions testing, the EPA says. Volkswagen is not denying this.

So the next time Germans begin those tiring lectures about doing more for the Umwelt (another German word meaning environment), remember to make sure and check if their emissions are make-believe or not.

There are almost 500,000 vehicles on American roads with the devices installed, according to the EPA. Volkswagen must now pay to repair the emissions systems in affected cars. The government may also fine the company as much as $18 billion.

What To Do When You Get Your Next German Panic Attack

First of all: Don’t panic.

Panic attacks

Then stick your fingers in your ears because you’re probably about to develop an acute case of tinnitus. Because of all off that repressed panic or something.


But don’t panic about that, either. I SAID BUT DON’T PANIC ABOUT THAT, EITHER!

Panikattacken: Einfache Ratschläge gegen Atemnot, Schwitzen und Herzrasen

But I Didn’t Inhale

Now this one here knocked my socks CLEAN off. Finally, some real news.


German GREEN whip Anton Hofreiter from the GREEN party has revealed in a shocking interview about his new GREEN Book entitled “Toking and Criminality” that yes, he, too, he HIM-GREEN-SELF actually smoked GREEN pot in his youth. He didn’t do it all that often, though. And it goes without saying that he didn’t inhale. And that was way back when in his youth, like he says. When he was young and stuff.

His drugs today are wine and beer. Damn. He reminds me of me.

“Ja, ich habe in meiner Jugend gekifft.”

Better Late Than Never?

81 years of smoking down the drain.
Helmut Schmidt
After a recent stay in a Hamburg hospital, ex-chancellor Helmut Schmidt has finally decided that 96 is the right age to stop smoking. I’ll miss his politically incorrect smoking on talk shows here (or Talkshows, if you prefer). He went out of his way to annoy everybody with it.
Der 96-Jährige war als notorischer Raucher bekannt – selbst in Talkshows durfte er sich einen Klimmstengel anzünden.

Finally: An Imaginary Illness For The Rest Of Us

It might not be as severe as bummed-out disorder or as sexy as burn-out syndrome, but bore-out looks like the kind of imaginary disease that might just be right up my alley.


Germans just can’t wait to get it, either. Although they’ll still have to.

Whereas in US-Amerika bore-out might describe a a situation in which an employee’s zest for work has been extinguished by an unchallenging rather than an unmanageable workload, German bore-out has been specially redesigned to affect early retirees and others like them who have spent their entire working lives looking forward to doing just that (retiring early or otherwise) and are now bored to tears.

Sadly, there is no known cure for bore-out. Other than to stop being bored, of course. And to stop being boring while you’re at it.

„Täglich Zeitung lesen.“

German Sommerloch Update: Office Chairs Incorrectly Adjusted For Many Employees

Especially for the ones still on their Sommerloch summer vacations, I bet.


Sitting for long periods strains the spine. Many desk workers therefore complain about backache. Correctly adjusting the office chair can prevent these complaints, however.

„In vielen Betrieben gibt es gute Stühle, aber die Beschäftigten haben sich damit noch nie befasst.“

Stress Lady’s Back

Now she’s stressed out about being in something called the “sandwich generation.”


Just eat more vegetables and get over it already, sweetheart. Sheesh. When this broad ain’t stressed out about sandwiches she’s stressed out about this, this, this or this. She’s really starting to stress me out. Know what I’m sayin’?

Rund 82 Prozent der deutschen Frauen zwischen 40 und 59 Jahren fühlen sich nach einer Studie zwischen Beruf, Familie und teilweise auch Pflege von Angehörigen immer wieder überfordert.

PS: Oddity 448. The word “Stress” is used more frequently and has a much more negative connotation in German than it does elsewhere. It is a very dirty six-letter word here. Germans strive to achieve a stable, stress-free life within predictable confines and anything that interferes with this is more stressful for them than any of us non-Germans out there can imagine. Germans will even get stressed out about stress that they don’t even have yet, thus subjecting themselves to even more stress and feelings of inadequacy (for not being under this type of stress yet), which can also be very stressful. Needless to say, this makes it very stressful for those otherwise non-stressed individuals out there who have to witness all of this.

Germany New Measles Superpower

And here you thought US-Amerika must be a world leader when it came to irresponsible immunization rates. Measles The United States has been shocked by a surge in measles cases with more than 100 incidents in January alone. This, however, is much less worrisome than a current outbreak in Germany. While authorities there had hoped to completely eliminate the disease this year, 254 new cases emerged in January, primarily in Berlin. If we consider that the German population is only one fourth of the United States’, the German measles surge was about 10 times worse than the one in the United States in January, relative to the total population. “The outbreak in Berlin is a sobering setback. In general, Germany’s immunization rate is too low.”

PS: Germans are also super-good at producing journalists who like to twist the facts, too. Their lies might not be quite as spectacular as other journalists‘ lies are, but still.

Der Büroschlaf Ist Immer Noch Am Gesündesten

Sleep at the office is still the healthiest. But not even that is enough to keep us top fit these days, it seems.


A shocking new study reveals that none of us are getting nearly enough sleep and that this is eventually going to make us go all demented and stuff if we aren’t all demented and stuff already. Before it kills us, I mean.

It appears that this stressful information society we live in is causing us to sleep one and a half hours less then we used to back in the 1960s because, well, I dunno, we have to process sleep data fun facts like this, for instance. We are suffering from permanent sleep deprivation, these experts tell us. All of us. So wake up and go back to sleep already.

„In unserer Informationsgesellschaft schlafen wir ein bis eineinhalb Stunden kürzer als noch in den 1960er Jahren. Wir haben relativen Schlafentzug – alle.“


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