Dial M For Merkel

And something tells me there was a lot of heavy breathing during this telephone conversation, too.

Tsipras

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras made an uncexpected telephone call to German Chancellor Angela Merkel that nobody wants to comment about officially.

Bild newspaper reported on Monday that Tsipras had called Merkel as well as Euro group head Jeroen Dijsselbloem to try to convince them of the need for more help for Greece and for the need for an emergency meeting of EU leaders this week.

Bild said the reason for the call is that the Greek government has run out of money

“It’s on fire and there’s no water there to put out the fire. The situation is more than dramatic.”

Plan B For Bankrupt

Tick tock tick tock

Plan B

German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble hinted on Saturday that Berlin was preparing for a possible Greek default, drawing a parallel with the secrecy of German reunification plans in 1989.

“You shouldn’t ask responsible politicians about alternatives,” Schaeuble answered, adding one only need to use one’s imagination to envisage what could happen.

He indicated that if he were to answer in the affirmative that ministers were working on a Plan B — what to do when Greece runs out of money and cannot pay back its debt — he could trigger panic.

“Da ist überhaupt nichts dran. Der Plan B wurde nicht diskutiert.”

German Intelligence Insults German Intelligence

When the NSA asks for INFO from the BND they get it ASAP. Or at least they used to.

Intelligence

Germany’s intelligence service, the Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND), has been helping the NSA spy on European politicians and companies for years, according to the German news magazine Der Spiegel. The NSA has been sending lists of “selectors”—identifying telephone numbers, e-mail and IP addresses—to the BND, which then provides related information that it holds in its surveillance databases…

Investigators found that the BND had provided information on around 2,000 selectors that were clearly against European and German interests. Not only were European businesses such as the giant aerospace and defense company EADS, best-known as the manufacturer of the Airbus planes, targeted, so were European politicians—including German ones.

I still can’t figure out where the intelligence part comes in here.

What Would Gazprom Gerd Do?

Or what will he do, I should ask. Duh. Talk about your no-brainer. You can say what you want about Gerd, but at least he’s consistent.

Gazprom

The European Union has accused Russian energy giant OAO Gazprom of hindering competition and charging unfair prices in the natural-gas markets of Central and Eastern Europe, in a move that risks deepening a rift with Moscow.

“Gazprom has been able to charge higher prices in some countries without fearing gas would flow in from resellers or where the prices were lower.”

Wer ein Staatsunternehmen straft, meint auch den Staat. Moskau versteht die Botschaft des Kartellverfahrens gegen den russischen Gas-Giganten sehr wohl – und wird antworten.

It’s TTIP, All Right

It’s TTIP of your normal-everyday-hysterical-German-anti-American iceberg.

TTIP

“All this enters the debate, but it surprises me a bit that the resistance is so strong in a country like Germany, where the benefits will be the greatest.”

The most controversial element of TTIP is a plan to let companies have legal disputes with governments heard by supra-national tribunals, which campaigners say would undermine national sovereignty and favour big business.

The so-called investor-state dispute settlement, or ISDS, allows firms to sue national governments if they feel that local rulings — such as health and safety regulations — violate the trade deal and threaten their investments.

The courts are a critical issue for US negotiators, who underline that these types of panels have existed for decades and are already included in thousands of trade deals worldwide, including about 400 in Europe.

„Dabei ist es geradezu bizarr, dass die Debatte in Deutschland so aufgeheizt ist: Schließlich profitiert kein Land so stark von TTIP wie Deutschland.”

Is Nothing Sacred?

I don’t want to be a fish stick in the mud, but speaking of the “U.S. push for world domination…”

Igo

Now the US-Amerikaner have bought Captain Igloo HIMSELF.

85 Prozent der Erlöse stammen aus Deutschland, Österreich, Italien und Großbritannien.

Der Käpt’n ist nicht mehr zeitgemäß. Geworben wird jetzt ohne ihn.

German Of The Day: Alleingang

An ancient German tradition, Alleingänge are when Germans, as Germans, go it alone.

TTIP

In this particular case it has to do with their Empörung (another traditional German word meaning indignation or outrage) about TTIP, a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Strangely, much like their hysterical reaction to Fukushima and subsequent Alleingang out of nuclear power, no one else in Europe really understands what their concern is all about.

These protestors aim to change that, however. Germany’s fellow Europeans, they feel, clearly do not seem to understand what this treaty is really about: It is a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Hello? Is anyone home out there? A trade deal with the United States? As in US-Amerika?

“The U.S. push for world domination is unacceptable. Obama sends out drones to kill people and wins the Nobel peace prize. This has to stop.”

German Of The Day: Männerfreundschaft

That means male bonding or man-to-man friendship.

Gerd

But, like, not all of these German Putin understanders are men, are they?

He (Putin) also spoke how he and former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder (some call him Gazprom Gerd) were in a sauna when a fire broke out. Both escaped, but Schroeder insisted on finishing his beer first, Mr Putin said.

Auf die Frage der Moderatorin, ob Putin viel mit seinen politischen Freunden in die Sauna gehe und das Dampfbad den klassischen Konferenztischen vorziehe, erzählte Putin folgende Geschichte mit Alt-Bundeskanzler Gerhard Schröder:

„Ich saß mit meinem Freund in der Sauna in meiner Residenz, plötzlich fing es an zu brennen. Ich sagte: ‚Gerhard, es brennt, wir müssen hier raus.‘ Er sagte: ‚Es tut mir leid, aber vorher trinke ich mein Bier noch zu Ende.‘ Ich sagte: ‚Bist du verrückt? Es brennt, wir müssen hier raus.‘ Er ist ein eiserner Mann. Er hat tatsächlich sein Bier ausgetrunken und wir sind dann erst raus. Die Sauna brannte bis auf die Mauern nieder. Aber eigentlich gehe ich gern in die Sauna.“

She’s Not Even Showing Her Bazoobies

What’s the point of that?

Femen

Femen women these days. They used to take this kind of thing much more seriously. But now? Once sextivists start throwing confetti at adversaries without even bothering to take their tops off then I say this movement has jumped the shark.

“The confetti attack was not a #femen protest, I’m sorry ladies. I consider myself a freelance-activist. Free Riot!”

Denis Da Menace

And you thought his name was bad enough (not Denis, Deso Dogg).

Denis

Now German rapper turned Islamic State terrorist Denis Cuspert is threatening Germany ITSELF with atrocities in his latest way cool music video. It’s supposed to be really edgy and bound to give him even more street credibility than he already has (I think I’ll pass watching it, though). You know, with people being beheaded and burned alive and stuff like that?

“In Frankreich folgten Taten, die deutschen Schläfer warten.”

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