I Had No Idea Germany Used To Be This Fat

But that’s why places like the British Museum have exhibitions like this, I guess.

Map

Germany – memories of a nation. A 600-year history in objects. You know, objects like these:

VW

Uh, why don’t they have exhibitions like this here in Berlin?

This exhibition will examine elements of German history from the past 600 years in the context of the fall of the Berlin Wall 25 years ago.

German Doves Demand Pigeon Deployment

As expected and secretly hoped for, the proposal to send German military-surveillance drones to monitor the cease-fire in eastern Ukraine has run into a thicket of legal problems.

Drones

To pacify Moscow and the German doves opposed to the deployment, German pigeon drones will now be used instead.

France and Germany said they would consider providing drones. But their request to send armed teams as well to safeguard the drone operators could run into resistance at the OSCE, a civilian organization that includes Russia, which would have to agree to the plan.

Maul Of Berlin

It’s a gallery… It’s a shopping center…  It’s the Super-Mall (of Berlin)!

Mall of Berlin

Oh boy, another mall. I’m outta here (not).

A gigantic German department store, rebuilt in the heart of Berlin on the rubble of a shopping center seized by the Nazis, was opened on Thursday with a ceremony paying tribute to its original Jewish owners.

The near 1 billion euro ($1.3 billion) “Mall of Berlin” — an entire quarter with a glass-covered arcade, 270 shops, a hotel and flats — marks the spot where the Wertheim store was built in 1896.

Accidents Do Happen

A German construction company has apologized to the city of Goslar after laying bricks in the shape of a swastika at a new shopping center there (this is the town that finally got up enough civil courage to revoke Adolf Hitler of his honorary citizenship last year, after all).

Swastika

The builders claim that the shape of the bricks was purely accidental but when trying to contact the particular worker responsible to ask him about some other shapes discovered at the shopping center (the Nazi party eagle, several pairs of SS bolts and a big “I Love Adolf” mosaic)  he could no longer be found for questioning.

“We have no leads, we are keeping our options open and investigating. We are speaking to the building firm responsible for the new footpath. They claim it was not deliberate but just an innocent mistake, and have already changed it.”

Why Germans Always Pay Cash?

Like, duh. Because they’re the ones who have it all.

Cash

But the real point isn’t that Germans love cash. It’s that—for the same historical reasons—they loathe debt. (Armchair anthropologists have also long noted that German word for debt—Schulden—comes from the word for guilt, Schuld.)…

In other words, the German tendency to settle up in cash undeniably reflects the fact that for much of the last century, Germany has been either on the brink of, in the midst of, or struggling to recover from, disaster. And traumas like that are bound to leave, if you’ll excuse the pun, a mark.

Nobody Has The Intention Of Building A Wall

Why build just one wall when you can build dozens of them instead?

Walls

Like how un-European is that? This type of shocking and evil thing can only happen in shocking and evil places like US-Amerika or Israel.

Along the frontiers between Spain and Morocco, Greece and Turkey and Hungary and Serbia, the EU is deploying brutal methods to keep out undesired refugees. Many risk everything for a future in Europe and their odysseys too often end in death.

The EU is doing all it can to keep out refugees.

PS: The Germans would be contributing a lot more here but they only have experience with keeping refugees in.

What Goes Around Comes Around

I remember the old Soviet controlled zone here in Germany.

Soviet

But now they want to introduce a Shariah controlled one?

In what government officials say is a blatant challenge to the rule of law and the democratic order in Germany, groups of young bearded Islamists — some wearing orange traffic safety vests emblazoned with the words “Sharia Police” — have declared parts of downtown Wuppertal to be a “Sharia Controlled Zone.”

“Sharia Police: Coming Soon to Your City.”

“If I Want, I Will Take Poland In Two Weeks”

Oops. I meant Kiev, of course

Poland

On September 1, 1939, the German army under Adolf Hitler launched an invasion of Poland that triggered the start of World War II.

Today, 75 years later, Hitler is regarded as one of history’s great villains. So it’s easy to forget how slowly and reluctantly the worlds most powerful democracies mobilized to stop him. France and Britain did declare war on Germany two days after the invasion of Poland, but it would take them another eight months before they engaged in full-scale war with the Nazis. The United States wouldn’t join the war against Hitler until December 1941, a full two years after the war began.

Olympia Opponents Worried Berlin Too Poor (But Sexy) To Pay

Germans in general are famous for being against stuff that isn’t even there to be against yet. But Berliners in particular take it up a notch and like being against the very thought of the idea of the stuff that isn’t even there to be against yet.

Olympia

Take Berlin’s candidacy for the 2024 Olympic Games, for instance. The one that hasn’t even been applied for yet, I mean. A group calling itself NOlympia is absolutely against this non-candidacy business because the non-application itself would cost a whopping 50 million euros alone. Once it were to be a real application, I mean.

And that would only be the start, people. The Olympics here would be an economic catastrophe, meltdown, debacle, or cataclysm even. Like the finances in Berlin are already, for instance. Sure, Berlin may be able to afford an 850 quadrazillion euro airport that still hasn’t been built yet but 50 million for the chance to have your town host the Olympics is absolutely out of the question for anyone out there with even just a little bit of common economic sense.

Do you have any idea what the Olympics would do to the real estate prices in this city, for instance? That’s right. It would increase the value of real estate in Berlin dramatically. And what city could possibly want something like that to happen?

No, no, no. It’s better to say no first and ask questions later. We no what we are doing and there’s no time to lose. Just say no. No tengo dinero. No we can’t already!

“Der olympische Spitzensport lässt sich nicht ökologisch oder nachhaltig bewerten.”

I Thought He’d Never Leave

Berlin’s mayor Klaus Wowereit (SPD) will finally step down on 11 December, after thirteen years in power. Damn. That’s longer than the Third Reich lasted.

Klaus

And talk about chuzpe. This guy took it to a whole new level (just like he took building airports to a whole new level). He’s leaving now of his “own free will.” Before his cronies get around to tossing him out first, in other words. Even the Berlin SPD crowd has finally figured out that Berlin doesn’t “work” because of Wowereit, it works despite him.

Hey, lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende. The Party Klaus is finally over.

Sein drittes Problem: die Stadt. „Arm, aber sexy“, wie der Bürgermeister sie eins beschrieb, das reicht in Wahrheit keinem Berliner mehr. Ihre Stadt, so stellten sie fest, funktioniert nicht wegen Wowereit, sondern trotz Wowereit.

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