Germans So Shocked By Greek No They Decide To Go On Big Fat Greek Vacation

Stunned by the Greek no yesterday and the end of European civilization as they know it, millions and millions of German tourists have spontaneously decided to get their minds off it all by going on vacation to Greece again this year, just like the millions and millions of other Germans who did the same thing last year.

Tourists

Not that it matters anymore or anything, but tourism used to account for 18 percent of what used to be the Greek economy.

“We are still taking bookings for Greece and there is no change in the levels.”

German Of The Day: Schwitzkasten

That’s “sweat box” but actually means stranglehold. You know, like being stuck between a rock and a hard place?

Tsipras

Is the current five-year Greek drama finally going to come to an end today? Hardly, it already ended quite a while ago, the real drama having actually begun long before that, of course, generations before. The name of the drama is “Living Beyond Our Means” and now the current government wants to give Greek voters the illusion that it gets the chance to turn back the clock with one final vote, a final vote that doesn’t actually mean anything, of course, because the money is long gone and nobody is going to give you any-more-anymore. Said current government has seen to that.

It took many, many years of concerted effort – on the Greek side – to get this far, but at least now we will all have an “official” result: However Greece votes today it has already voted to escape “financial asphyxiation” by committing financial suicide.

After all, debt and guilt – “Schuld” – are the same words in German.

German Of The Day: Hand Over The Money Or I’ll Shoot!

Greece

And here you thought that Germans didn’t have a sense of humor. Galgenhumor (gallows humor), OK, but humor all the same.

Public broadcaster ARD, in its Morgenmagazin breakfast show, lampooned the tit-for-tat battle that has ensued between German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble and Greek counterpart Yanis Varoufakis, 54, in a video clip based on the 2011 French film The Intouchables, depicting the unlikely friendship between a wealthy quadriplegic and his African carer. Schaeuble, 72, has been confined to a wheelchair since he was shot by a deranged man in 1990.

But Can I Keep My Torpedo?

As you may know, German authorities are really touchy when it comes to gun control. Sort of. But it doesn’t just stop there. They totally freak out and call the Bundeswehr if they find out that you have a tank in your cellar. Skeleton in the closet? OK. But a tank in the cellar? No way.

Like take a chill pill already, officer. It wasn’t even loaded.

Tank

Police searched a villa in a wealthy suburb of Kiel on Wednesday and found a Second World War tank, a torpedo and other weaponry in the cellar. On Thursday they were still working on removing the tank.

“He was chugging around in that thing during the snow catastrophe in 1978.”

Germans Discover “Text Neck”

Only they call it “Handynacken,” which sounds a whole lot worse because, well, it is. Just look at those lightning bolt thingies flashing around down there, for instance.

Handy Neck

So now everybody has it, of course. And this has nothing at all to do with hypochondria or disease mongering or anything like that, folks.  Nope, this is serious business so I looked it up at a place called “The Text Neck Institute.” Handynacken is an “overuse syndrome involving the head, neck and shoulders, usually resulting from excessive strain on the spine from looking in a forward and downward position at any hand held mobile device, i.e., mobile phone, video game unit, computer, mp3 player, e-reader. This can cause headaches, neck pain, shoulder and arm pain, breathing compromise, and much more.”

OMG we’re all gonna die. Do they still make dumb phones anywhere out there?

Tägliche Nutzung von mehr als vier Stunden ist mittlerweile keine Seltenheit mehr.

Grexit: Bad Attitude In A Can

German entrepreneur Uwe Dahlhoff has trademarked the term “Grexit” — used to refer to the possible Greek exit from the eurozone — and plans to use it to market a new vodka drink.

Grexit

The drink itself is sour — vodka mixed with lemons.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Germany Celebrates 60th Year In NATO

By maybe-possibly-perhaps increasing its current expenditure of 1.2 percent of German GDP on its military. Maybe, like I said. Hard to say for sure. They don’t want to overdo it or anything, just yet. Being newbies and all, I mean. And it’s not like Germany has ever gotten all that much out of being a NATO member or anything…

NATO

“I am speaking to all the allies. But as the biggest economy, Germany weighs more heavily than others. The USA spends four percent of GDP on defense, in Europe we’re closer to one percent. “That isn’t a fair distribution of the burden.”

“The problem with socialism…”

is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.”

Socialism

Already on Saturday pictures of anxious savers queuing outside banks to withdraw money were circulating. A slow-motion bank run that had already drained €35 billion ($39 billion) of household and corporate deposits out of the Greek banking system between November 2014 and May 2015 threatens to get out of control. Greek banks have been able to cope with the haemorrhage of deposits only thanks to massive borrowing from the Bank of Greece, permitted by the European Central Bank (ECB) in Frankfurt. The ECB is now likely to call time on this and to prevent further increases in this “emergency liquidity assistance” (ELA). That will in turn force limits on cash withdrawals along with capital controls to prevent money leaving the country… Even if the ECB stays its hand this weekend, it will be forced to act early next week. Without a deal this weekend, the cash-strapped Greek government will be unable to repay the IMF €1.5 billion that is due at the end of this month.

The climax to 10 days of fraught bargaining in Brussels and Luxembourg was the decision by Alexis Tsipras, the Greek prime minister, to call a plebiscite on the terms of Greece’s bailout, stunning the other eurozone governments. “I am very negatively surprised,” said Jeroen Dijsselbloem, the Dutch chair of the committee of eurozone finance ministers. “The situation [in Greece] will deteriorate very rapidly … How the Greek government will survive, I do not know.”

More Negativity

But it ain’t nothing new, folks.

Flag

More than half of Germans (53 percent) said they did not believe the United States government respects the personal freedoms of its people, according to a Pew Research Center report published on Tuesday.

“The U.S. receives largely positive reviews among many of its key NATO allies. About two-in-three Canadians have a favorable opinion, as do large majorities in Italy, Poland, France, the UK and Spain. The outlier is Germany.”

Little Oskar Banging His Tin Drum Again

And still refusing to grow up. This is, after all, the failed SPD chancellor candidate who then somehow managed to go even further left and join the Left Party to fail big time there, too.

Fuck

He has these fits every now and then, folks. Ain’t no big deal. This time it looks like somebody opened a Facebook account for him (I bet it was his current wife, Rosa Luxemburg) and now that US-Amerika‘s latest defense minister Ashton Kutcher, I mean Carter, has come to the American sector itself he’s going hog wild in a big way (Oskar not Ashton). And speaking of which, how many freakin’ defense ministers have we had these past six or seven years anyways?

Carter having been sent to Germany by Warlord President of Naked Aggression George W. Bush himself, Oskar is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore and has lambasted this affront by calling to “fuck the US imperialism,” although it isn’t at all clear who he wants to have do this for him. And speaking of which, I meant the World President of Peace Obama HIMSELF himself, of course.

“The US war minister calls Europeans to stand up against Russian ‘aggression’ whereas the Europeans have all the more reason to stand up against US aggression.”

Attention for those of you who wear glasses: That loud drum-pounding of his can certainly be annoying and all but what you really have to watch out for are his glass-breaking screams.

Der US-Kriegsminister ruft die Europäer dazu auf, sich der russischen ‘Aggression’ entgegenzustellen. Dabei hätten die Europäer allen Grund, sich der Aggression der USA entgegenzustellen.”

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