Tank About It

It’s that jolly, merry, drunken Karneval season again, folks.

Tank

And this tank float here got labeled the “Imtaler Asylum Defense.” Uh oh, we’re gonna get letters… Officials are even looking into hate crime charges.

For some reason, however, this float here is perfectly OK. I guess because Angie’s on it. It’s called “Refugee Wave.”

Reugee Wave

Ein Panzer-Motivwagen mit der Aufschrift „Asylabwehr“ hat bei einem Umzug in Bayern für Empörung gesorgt. Die Behörden ermitteln jetzt wegen Verdacht auf Volksverhetzung. Auch die Aktionen anderer Vereine wurden als fremdenfeindlich kritisiert.

WN85R

That’s the top secret coupon code for a FREE COPY of the highly acclaimed Smashwords ebook The Little Red Book: Of Little-Read Jokes about the Enlightened Left, which I can also highly recommend as I did the highly acclaiming part, too.

The Little Red Book

This FREE GIVEAWAY ends on February 15, 2016, which is also top secret.

Customers enter the code prior to completing their checkout. Once again:

Promotional price: $0.00
Coupon Code: WN85R
Expires: February 15, 2016

You didn’t get any of this from me.

Berlinale Increases Security To Protect Crappy Films

With the threat of terrorist attacks in Europe on the rise, organizers at the Berlin International Film Festival are worried that frustrated patrons might actually take action for once and are beefing up security big time this year.

Berlinale

“All measures essential to ensure the safety of these pretentious films of ours from any possible attacks carried out by radicalized festivalgoers and other unwanted guests are being implemented as we speak,” a spokesperson said, more like snarled. “Albeit in an inconspicuous and unobtrusive manner. Not like the way we organize the rest of our awful festival, I mean.”

Wird es auch spezielle Vorführungen für Flüchtlinge geben?

German Roots?

What? Like hair roots? They look like they could have been developed in a German laboratory to me.

Trump

Now we know why this guy rubs so many of us the wrong way. His real name is actually Trumpf. Or it could have been. Sorry, I can’t find a German equivalent for Donald (they even call Donald Duck Donald Duck over here, in case you were wondering).

The ancestors of the “anti-immigrant” crusader Donald Trump come from a small village in western Germany. The documentary film “Kings of Kallstadt” explores the modest roots of the family’s real estate empire.

Frederick Trump immigrated to the US in 1885.

German Angst Is Back?

What do you mean, back? Did it like step out for a quick cigarette when nobody was looking or something? I certainly never saw it leave.

Angst

I mean, Germans have angst when they don’t even need to have any angst (it’s “the German lifeblood“). That’s why they qualify German ‘angst’ with the ‘German’ part. They’re sure as hell going to have some angst whenever there’s a good reason to have angst. Talk about your no-brainer.

Here, help me answer these:

– Do we react more skittishly to change than others?

– What unnerves the Germans so much about this large influx of refugees? Is it fear of terror, or concern about rising crime, or diluting the culture?

– Are we being overcome by a fear of the future?

– Is there a typical anxious German?

– Is the political landscape in Germany fundamentally changing?

I’m glad you asked me that, Deutsche Welle. The answer here is, of course, yes.

Speaking Of Driving…

I don’t think the question they should be asking here is “What is driving Angela Merkel?

Merkel

It ought to be “What kind of industrial strength hallucinogenics is she on at the moment and where can I get some, please?” Let’s face it, folks. Whatever that stuff is it’s working REAL GOOD.

Or maybe they’re just really, really, really strong sedatives?

Chancellor Angela Merkel spent a decade amassing political capital. Now, with the refugee crisis showing no signs of abating, she has decided to spend it. With her legacy in the balance, she has finally found an issue to fight for. But why now?

The Freak Show Must Go On

Runway? No way. Me prefer run away instead.

Freak Show

At the Berliner Mode Salon, a sub-event at Berlin Fashion Week , established and young German designers are putting their best face, and designs, forward.

But remember to wear some Mundschutz (a surgical mask) if you attend, folks. There’s some really gross sounding contagious disease spreading like wildfire over there. It’s called gender fluidity. And I, for one, DO NOT want anybody to tell me how I can tell if my fluidity has become gender or not.

Gender fluidity is at the heart of Berlin’s style, ethos, and history. Unisex garments, cross-dressing, and celebrations of androgyny have been prevailing statements in Berlin’s ateliers and on its streets since the city’s cultural inception.

Germany Overall Best Country In Overall Best Of All Possible Worlds

But they still won’t let you do this here:

Refugees

Forget about trying this, too:

Refugees

Germany was ranked the overall best country in the world, according to the rankings released by US News & World Report on Wednesday…

Algeria was perceived as the worst country of the 60, with Ukraine and Iran rated just above.

And always remember: “Please don’t poop in showers.”

German Tornadoes Useless At Night?

So what? They’re pretty worthless during the day, too.

Tornadoes

In a new humiliation for Germany’s defense ministry, the six Tornado airplanes that had been touted as a much-needed German contribution to the fight against “Islamic State” terrorism are outfitted with lighting far too bright for pilots’ eyes.

Meanwhile… Ursula von der Leyen: “The Bundeswehr fights against ISIS in Syria and the Taliban in Afghanistan.”

Fights?

Germany stands in the way in the fight against ISIS!

In Syria the Bundeswehr does not “fight” at all. The Bundeswehr leaves the fighting to others (politically intended), for instance to the Kurds or the Americans, the French and the British. Kurdish troops fight on the ground against ISIS, having been furnished arms by Germany…

Nor does the Bundeswehr “fight” in Afghanistan, not for a long time now. It has pulled out of all contested areas. Since then the Taliban rules there – undisturbed by the Germans…

Many German soldiers have fought and died or ruined their health in Afghanistan. It is simply not fair to them to claim that the Bundeswehr “fights” anywhere against the Islamic threat.

Back To The Zukunft

Is this for real, folks? Did they just pop through some 70s wormhole to wreak havoc in our own current space time continuum (assuming there is such a thing as a current one)?

RAF

DNA samples tell us that RAF terrorists (?) retro-terrorized us last June while attempting an armed robbery but we didn’t even notice it because, well, like what were they going to be? RAF terrorists or something? Besides, they botched it.

What is this? I mean, their pictures are still in black and white for crying out loud.

One thing is for certain, though: They did not get away in a DeLorean. They were using a Ford Focus. At least the cops know now that they didn’t get very far. That is definitely one “no future” automobile.

The three fled the scene – a supermarket car park in Gross Mackenstedt – in a Ford Focus, having failed to grab the cash that was inside the van. The two security men inside were unhurt.

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