When In Doubt Just Say No

Nein, nein, nein, already. Nolympics in Hamburg, either.


As you can see up there, Hamburgers were too afraid that the Olympics they decided not to bid to host for yesterday would have brought more police brutality, more barbed wire fences, more school crossing cops escorting people to airports, more big nasty retro surveillance cameras and more US-Amerikan Yankee dollars coming out of the chimney of some Hamburger’s house in a really weird surrealistic fashion (causing particularly nasty air pollution, I assume?).

Put in that light I think it was the sound decision to make.

Let’s see, Munich said no, Berlin said no and now Hamburg says no. I think a pattern is starting to develop here. Boston, too, said no, of course (are there really that many Bostonians of German extraction?). What a minute. Has hosting the Olympics now become some new form of cruel and unusual punishment or something? Maybe we could get ISIS to put in a bid.

“Die Menschen sehen, dass es Sachen gibt, wo das Geld besser angelegt ist.”

Stress Lady Back With A Vengeance

Just like she already was here and here and here and here. And here.


Jeepers. What took her so long this time? I mean, what with all of this refugee-terror-soccer-match-cancellation-stress going on around here these days.

But as it turns out, she and her German compatriots don’t seem to be all that stressed out about those kind of things, believe it or not (believe it).

The latest stress survey indicates, for instance, that about one quarter of all Germans are primarily stressed out about the kind of stress that they put themselves under. These are Germans stressed out about being , well, German, I guess you could say. Damn. I wouldn’t want to live under that kind of stress, either.

Some 19 percent are stressed out about not having enough money.

Around 15 percent need more sleep and early retirement, I assume, because having to work for a living is a really big stress factor for them.

And 14 percent are stressed out by not having enough time to do what they want to do. You know, like being more stressed out about stuff?

The Germans remaining, I assume, were not able to adequately stress through verbal communication just how stressed out they really, truly are.

Wie die GfK in einer am Mittwoch veröffentlichten Umfrage herausgefunden hat, stellt der Druck, den man sich selbst macht, die hauptsächliche Stress-Ursache bei den Deutschen dar.

Germany To Double Its Presence In Mali to 18 Men

Eager to help its neighbor France redistribute its military forces in the wake of the terrorist attacks on Paris, and keen to stay out of harm’s way while pretending to have a real military of its own, Germany has generously volunteered to increase the number of its already sizable forces presently stationed in Mali. Some sources close to the chicly coiffed head of the German war machine herself have even suggested that she may even actually double the number to a full 18 men (that’s a 1 and an 8). Personen (persons), I mean.


Meanwhile… Earlier on Tuesday, French President Francois Hollande said the French aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle would head to the eastern Mediterranean offshore areas of Syria and Lebanon, instead of the Persian Gulf as previously announced, to support military operations against the Islamic State (IS) extremist group.

Die Bundeswehr beteiligt sich an der UN-Mission Minusma in Mali derzeit unterstützend mit neun Soldaten.

PS: When Germans say nein they mean nine, damn it.

German Of The Day: Putzig

That means cute. As in funny cute. You know, comical? Like when little kids say something unexpectedly and unintentionally funny? Or, I dunno, like when Germans are completely shocked to find out that their spy agency actually spies on other folks, too?


After angrily upbraiding the U.S. for its electronic spying networks that targeted Germans, the government of Chancellor Angela Merkel has been rocked by two reports in less than a week charging that German intelligence targeted U.S. arms companies, the FBI, a top French diplomat, several international organizations and allied government departments, and even a German diplomat working for the European Union.

“Es kann solche Praktiken zwischen Verbündeten nicht geben.”

Angela Merkel Now More Powerful Than Barack Obama?

Like, duh. So is my Briefträger (mailman).


Now for my money the real most powerful and toughestest muckahumma von Welt is Bad Vlad Putin HIMSELF.

Bad Vlad is so tough he eats his steak with a straw. You want power? This guy can ski up a mountain. He went skydiving once and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund. Vlad is so tough his cowboy boots are made of real cowboys. And yes, just in case you were wondering, he CAN talk about the fight club.

“Putin beweist weiterhin, dass er einer der wenigen Männer in der Welt ist, die mächtig genug sind, um zu tun, was sie wollen – und die damit durchkommen.”

PS: Before going to bed, the Boogeyman always checks his closet for Bad Vlad Putin first.

First The Pants

Now a Delorian Zwischenfall (incident) in Hill Valley itself?

What are they smoking on German TV news these days? Maybe this Gleichschaltung stuff isn’t such a bad thing after all.

“Eyewitnesses report that the car appeared to come out of nowhere.”

Marty McFly reiste im zweiten Teil der Filmreihe in die Zukunft – und landete mit seinem DeLorean am 21. Oktober 2015 um genau 16.49 Uhr.

“Friends Don’t Spy On Friends”

So that’s why Germany’s BND spied on EU neighbors and US-Amerika itself, I guess.


The German magazine Der Spiegel has reported that Germany’s Federal Intelligence Service (BND) spied on European and American organizations until 2013.

To what depths have you sunk, Germany? A spy agency that actually spies on people? What will be next? A military that actually goes to war? A border patrol that actually protects your borders? Granted, all of this remains well within the realm of science fiction but we ARE still allowed to speculate about crazy un-German ideas like these in public here. Aren’t we?

So. I assume now that everybody in Germany is going to be REALLY REALLY empört (outraged) about this. Although you know what they say about you when you assume things. How you make an ass- out of u and -me?

Abhören unter Freunden – das geht doch: Ähnlich wie die NSA hat offenbar auch der BND die Kommunikation befreundeter EU-Staaten ausgespäht. Ziele der Spionage waren laut rbb Inforadio offenbar europäische und amerikanische Einrichtungen.

What Germans Brought To Amerika?

Other than bitching and moaning, you mean?


Whah? There’s a German-American Day? I had no idea, again. Too bad I missed the celebrations this year, too.

Hmmm. What did they bring to us (as in US), anyway? Well, there’s aspirin for one thing, for when the bitching and moaning gets to be too much. Gimme a minute. Gimme a minute, I said. OK, there’s the ring binder. That’s pretty cool. They also brought us the hair perm – and the Easter Bunny himself! Then there’s German chocolate cake. Ha, ha. Just kidding. A German doesn’t know what the hell German chocolate cake is, people. That’s as American as apple pie. Anyway, yeah. You know. They brought us stuff like that. And a lot of bitching and moaning, too. Happy holiday.

From Kindergarten and Christmas trees to hamburgers and hotdogs, German-Americans are credited with some of the most recognizable features of US culture to have emerged in the past 300 years.

Less than 5% now speak German themselves.


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