German Border Guards To Keep Wolves Out

About 150 years have passed since German hunters eradicated wolves from the nation’s woodlands. But the animal’s threatening aura has persisted through folk tales, including those by German writers Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm.

Wolves

So when wolf packs began reappearing in Germany late in the 20th century, thanks to the efforts of conservationists, the animals faced a public-relations challenge.

Meanwhile… Even though members of the “Night Wolves” may already have visas for Germany, they will be revoked at the border if members of the group, blacklisted in the United States for their participation in Russia’s annexation of Crimea, try to enter.

German Intelligence Insults German Intelligence

When the NSA asks for INFO from the BND they get it ASAP. Or at least they used to.

Intelligence

Germany’s intelligence service, the Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND), has been helping the NSA spy on European politicians and companies for years, according to the German news magazine Der Spiegel. The NSA has been sending lists of “selectors”—identifying telephone numbers, e-mail and IP addresses—to the BND, which then provides related information that it holds in its surveillance databases…

Investigators found that the BND had provided information on around 2,000 selectors that were clearly against European and German interests. Not only were European businesses such as the giant aerospace and defense company EADS, best-known as the manufacturer of the Airbus planes, targeted, so were European politicians—including German ones.

I still can’t figure out where the intelligence part comes in here.

Barbarian Hordes From The Steppes Threatening Berlin Again

Only this time they’re coming on motorcycles. And they don’t even belong to the Hells Angels. Like, how indecorous is that?

Bikers

Politicians and activists in the European Union’s ex-communist east are outraged over a plan by the Night Wolves to commemorate the Soviet victory in World War II by tracing the Red Army’s path to Berlin.

At least 20 riders will cruise from Moscow through Belarus, according to the Night Wolves’ website. From Poland, they’ll pass through the capitals of Slovakia to Austria before continuing to Prague and ending in Berlin on May 9, the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s capitulation to the Soviet Union.

Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?

This Just In: Germany Suddenly Owes Greece $305 Billion For World War II

Or at least that’s what the Greek parliament just figured out.

Reparations

However, Italy also suddenly owes Greece $216 billion for its invasion in 1940, too, they said.

After that you’ve got the Ottoman Empire owing the Greeks $197 billion for, well, for being Turks.

Then the Roman Empire will also still need to shell out an additional $116 billion for those nasty Macedonian wars.

And then, of course, Iran will have to step up and pay Greece $97 billion for the ugly Persian Invasion back in 484 BC.

This will still leave Greece with a humungous debt, of course, the parliamentarians noted, but nothing that another little loan from their friends in the European Union won’t fix.

This Is News?

Germans found to be Europe’s most aggressive drivers

Driving

Tailgating, shouting insults – nowhere in Europe do drivers react as intensely as they do in Germany, a recent study shows.

Two out of three (67%) admitted to using offensive gestures, and verbal abuse, to insult other drivers.

More than one-third (34%) said they purposefully follow close behind, or otherwise annoy drivers, in order to intimidate them.

PS: Oddity 125. Fun German Games you didn’t know you were participating in: Tailgate Tag. Germans love to drive up to within just a few inches behind the slower moving cars on the left lane of the autobahn and bully them over to the right.

Gun Never To Be Used In Combat Doesn’t Meet The Bundeswehr’s Tough Never To Be Used In Combat Standards

After several years of investigation, the German Bundeswehr has confirmed that the light profile of its Heckler & Koch G36 barrels are leading to accuracy problems in the field, Reuters reported. The rifle’s accuracy opens up after sustained fully-automatic fire, which heats up the barrel, causing the point of impact to shift.

G36

So like now the German defense ministry under defense minister Ursula von der Leyen is considering issuing a different rifle that will never be used in combat, either but will at least meet the Bundeswehr’s stringent never to be used in combat standards.

Noch soll das Gewehr, von dem die Bundeswehr knapp 180.000 Stück angeschafft hat, im Einsatz bleiben. Ministerin von der Leyen kündigte aber bereits an, man müsse nach den neuen Tests prüfen, ob die Truppe “auf mittlere Sicht mit einem anderen Sturmgewehr ausgerüstet werden muss”.

It’s Not That We’re Too Strong

The rest of you guys out there in Europe are just too weak. Like start doing more push-ups or something.

Germany

German dominance is in part a consequence of others’ retreat. That may be why complaints have been muted. “If the Italians don’t bring pasta and the French don’t bring pâté,” says a diplomat, “you can’t complain about Mrs Merkel’s cabbage soup.

PS: And speaking of getting stronger, you folks over at the FDP should learn to smile a little already. Polls indicate that you’re back over that magical 5 percent line and could get back in the saddle again – if elections were to be held today.

German-Greek Tensions Ease After First WWII Reparations Payment Rolls In

European politicians everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief as a mentally challenged German couple holidaying in Greece made the first ever private WWII reparations payment of $935 to Greece to make up for their government’s bad and nasty attitude.

Übermacht

Spokesmen for Brussels and Berlin were quick to point out that this shows how private people with good intentions can also “burn up money like nobody’s business” and how “like you shouldn’t always point your finger just at us when we squander away our dough. Your dough, that is. You’re pretty good at this, too.”

“They made their calculations and said each German owed 875 euros for what Greece had to pay during World War II.”

Eclipse Faked By Jan Böhmermann

That was the sunniest damned eclipse I ever saw, people. What a dud. I think it was faked by Jan Böhmermann.

Finger

The row (about the Varoufakis flip off video) took a fresh twist on Wednesday evening when satirical programme Neo Magazin Royale, on a rival channel, claimed that it had doctored the video and uploaded it to the internet.

Host Jan Böhmermann claimed his team had used digital editing software to insert the indecent gesture. Then it showed another clip it said was the original, in which Mr Varoufakis made the same remarks but without the gesture. A regretful Mr Böhmermann told his audience they were behind the “fake” Stinkefinger footage.

It didn’t take long, however, until the fake was itself revealed as a fake.

„Dieser Witz hat nie stattgefunden.”

Germans Outraged About Greek Finance Minister Giving Them The Finger

Varoufakis

Sort of. Politicians just don’t do that kind of thing, you know.

Steinbrück

It undermines their credibility or something.

Obama

Appearing on German TV on Sunday, Yanis Varoufakis denied that footage showing him raise his middle finger at Berlin was genuine.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 422 other followers