This Sick Lady Right Here Just Will Not Go Away

Nor will they take a new picture of her, either. It’s just that good.

Sick Lady

First she had mental illness issues.

Then she got really depressed because of her mental illness issues.

Now she’s totally stressed out because she lives in North Rhine-Westphalia, which is known to cause a lot of depression and mental illness issues. If you live there, I mean. Or at least it’s known for that now.

Word has it namely (a new study) that people there suffer more than elsewhere in Germany because they don’t move enough, they don’t eat healthy enough food and they drink too much (alcohol). And they’re always running into this wacky lady here, looks like. Wherever they go in North Rhine-Westphalia. I think I need a drink now, too.

Stress ist laut einer bundesweiten Studie am häufigsten für Menschen in Nordrhein-Westfalen ein Problem. Nur 8 Prozent der Menschen in Nordrhein-Westfalen leben in Sachen Bewegung, Ernährung, Stress und Alkohol laut einer Studie rundum gesund.

German Poverty?

Nice try. This is another one of my favorite German myths. You can claim that poverty exists here all you want but everybody knows that poverty only exists in the real world and has nothing at all to do with this country. Or could it be that I am the one with an “unrealistic” definition of what poverty is?

Poverty

Report: About 3.1 million wage and salary earners in Germany had an income below the poverty threshold, according to Saturday’s edition of the Saarbrücker Zeitung newspaper.

You have to understand how Germany works to know that this is ridiculous. For one thing, nobody has to work in Germany if he or she does not want to – ever. They get their rent paid and a low monthly allowance (and then work illegally on the side in a lot of cases) indefinitely = for life, if they want to (everybody know how or knows someone who does).  Many people choose to live this way (I know a few personally). Their welfare system is called Hartz IV, by the way. So like, are you a victim of “poverty” if you choose to be? In a country that has the money to pay your way, I mean?

And you must also understand how a German defines poverty in Germany: “Every second low wage worker, some 1.5 million Germans, would not be able to pay for a one-week holiday per year outside their own four walls. About 600,000 workers were forgoing having their own car because they could not afford it.”

OMG. It’s certainly a cold, cruel world out there when you can’t fly off to Mallorca twice a year like everybody else does and/or keep your expensive German sports car on the road as God intended you to (even though you don’t believe in God, but still).

“The number of workers who earn scarcely or marginally more than the government unemployment benefits (Hartz IV) is alarmingly high.”

PS: Speaking of poverty, get your free copy of Dumb Deutsch here. Offer ends Monday.

North Korea Demands Film Not Being Shown At Film Festival Not Be Shown At Film Festival

And when North Korea demands something, the Berlinale listens.

Interview

Organizers here quickly buckled under pressure and have now sheepishly agreed to take the film not being shown on their program off their program immediately. The wussies.

Somewhere along the line, because of the February 5th start dates, North Korea’s Foreign Ministry misinterpreted that The Interview was an official entrant in the 65th annual Berlinale. As a result, North Korean’s state-run broadcast issued a statement demanding that the film not screen at the festival, which it’s not and never was scheduled to. An organizer for the film festival spoke to the North Korean ambassador to Germany to clear up the misunderstanding.

That’s One Small Spout For A Man…

And one giant leak for MANkind!

Urinating

I don’t make this stuff up, people.

A German court on Thursday ruled in favour of men’s right to urinate standing up, after a landlord tried to retain part of a tenant’s €3,000 (£2,300) deposit for allegedly damaging the marble floor of a toilet by sprinkling it with urine.

The debate about whether men should stand or sit when urinating is no laughing matter in Germany, where some toilets have red traffic-style signs forbidding the standing position. There is also a derogatory term for men who sit and pee – “Sitzpinkler” – which implies that it is not masculine behaviour.

Der Hausbesitzer wollte 1900 Euro einbehalten, weil der Marmorboden der Toilette abgestumpft war.

Muslims Find Soap Offensive

Let me rephrase that: Certain Muslims on Facebook find a specific soap being sold by Aldi Süd offensive because it has a minaret on the label.

Soap

That injures their religious sensibilities of something so Aldi, being the politically correct cutthroat global discount supermarket chain it is, has now removed the soap from its offering. This, in turn, has pissed off a number of German customers who feel that the Muslim and Aldi reactions  are completely ridiculous, which, of course, they are.

One such customer has now suggested that Aldi also remove Germany’s famous Kölnisch Wasser (Cologne) from their offering as it injures German religious sensibilities, too. After all, the Cologne Cathedral is depicted on its label.

So fordert etwa ein Kunde auf der Facebook-Seite des Unternehmens, dass man “Kölnisch Wasser” aus dem Verkauf nehmen sollte, weil es seine religiösen Gefühle verletze.

New Pegida Narrative In The Works

Now that Pegida is not going away as planned (but is in fact still growing) the secret German media police have decided to do a controlled rollback before their current hysterical narrative about courageous Gutmenschen (do-gooders) doing selfless battle against evil Nazi numbskulls gets all too ridiculous even for them (for the secret German media police, I mean).

Pegida

These unwelcome troublemakers will now be rebranded in a decidedly less overwrought fashion, the first merchandise coming out as we speak, so-to-speak. It is in the form of a study just made by the Technical University, Dresden in which we discover the following rather surprising fun facts:

Only one-fourth of those demonstrating are actually demonstrating against the “Islamization of the Western world.”

The typical Pegida supporter is a politically independent 48-year-old male who is well-educated and well-employed.

The main gripes most Pegida supporters have are their dissatisfaction with 1) German politicians, 2) German media and only then 3) the increased number of immigrants and asylum seekers now coming to Germany.

Why, uh, that’s suddenly a completely different picture, isn’t it? Stay tuned, there will certainly be more to follow. The hysteria sure was fun while it lasted though, wasn’t it?

“Sind Sie von der Presse?”

And Speaking Of Free Speech…

The latest German Un-Word of the Year is Lügenpresse or “the lying press.” The year is still pretty young though, if you ask me. But still.

Lügenpresse

Of ill repute as it is a term that was gladly used way back when during World War I and then later by the Nazis themselves, it’s been in the news a lot these days because that EVIL Pegida is using the term, as well. If you accuse the press of lying you’re a Nazi here, I guess. So watch it.

I mean, it’s not like the media here in Germany would ever manipulate or mislead us or spin or hype or ignore things or anything like that there, right?

Der Ausdruck “Lügenpresse” ist als Parole der Pegida-Bewegung erst seit wenigen Wochen in aller Munde. Die Bezeichnung blickt allerdings auf eine lange wie auch traurige Geschichte zurück – als Devise von Demokratiegegnern jeglicher Couleur.

Germans Not Overdoing It Again

Honest. With their anti-Islamization bzw. (and) anti-Pegida hysteria, I mean.

Legida

Not with Bagida.
Not with Bärgida.
Not with Hagida.
Not with Legida.
Not with Muegida.
Not with Mvgida.
Not with Öz-Gida.
Not with Schwegida.
Not even with Merkel-Ida herself, for crying out loud.

Maybe it’s time to like gida life already, people.

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