German Balloonists Forced To Land In A Place Called Nebraska

They rose to 13,000 feet as they crossed into Kansas…

Balloonists

Ah, Nebraska weather — known killer of Sunday golf rounds, lazy days at Branched Oak Lake and a German couple’s hopes of winning an international ballooning competition.

Strangely, when asked about their ordeal later, the Germans said it was “nice.”

“I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.”

German Police Academy II?

Word is out that Germans will “most likely” provide military training to Kurdish groups in northern Iraq.

Kurds

That’s cool, I guess. But we can only hope that these trainers won’t be as ineffective as those who just spent ten years training Afghan police forces and failed miserably at it.

German officials have been training police in Afghanistan for a decade, but a visit to their training center in Mazar-e-Sharif creates major doubts about the effectiveness of the mission. Afghan police remain poorly prepared to tackle the mighty challenges they will face as Western forces withdraw.

Ineffective and Unsustainable: Failure Threatens Afghan Police Training Mission

Hitler Coffee Creamer?

We’ve replaced their regular coffee creamer with Hitler Creamer. Let’s see if they notice!

Hitler Coffee Creamer

Some coffee drinkers in Switzerland have been startled to find images of Hitler or Mussolini on their packages of coffee creamer. The faux pas has yielded embarrassed sputters from the vendors involved.

Well… Taste the Fascist Freshness! It’s Good to the Last Bullet!

Geschmacklose Kaffeesahne: Ein Zulieferer der Schweizer Supermarktkette Migros hat faschistische Diktatoren auf Plastikbecher gedruckt. Mittlerweile distanzierte sich Migros vom Hersteller.

I Got Your Easy Rider For You Right Here

You’ve got it all here. You’ve got your German-Moraccan ISIS supporters getting arrested in Germany for trying to ship 7500 boots, 6000 military jackets and 100 military shits (130,000 euros total) to their pals in Syria.

German Biker

And then you’ve got your German biker gang (with strong Kurdish ties) bearing arms on an aid mission to Kurds fighting in the besieged Syrian city of Kobane.

I think I’ll go with the bikers.

Der Deutschmarokkaner habe nach Syrien ausreisen wollen, berichten die Ermittler. Das habe mit der Festnahme verhindert werden können. Der Libanese sei für die Lieferung von 7500 Stiefeln, 6000 Militärjacken und 100 Militärhemden im Wert von über 130.000 Euro nach Syrien verantwortlich gewesen, hieß es. Die Kleidungsstücke habe er in Deutschland aufgekauft und dann den Transport in das Bürgerkriegsland organisiert.

Germans Hate Monopolies

Unless they are labor monopolies, of course. They’re always showing Verständnis (understanding) for strikes. And this despite the fact that only about a fifth of employees in Germany are union members.

Strike

It might be a bit different this time, however. The latest hostage-taking of millions of German travelers over the weekend (a weekend in which there are more travelers than usual due to school breaks in most German Länder) during a 50+ hour strike by the GDL train drivers’ union is finally starting to piss people off here.

It’s becoming increasing clear that the union’s boss Claus Weselsky, is suffering from “delusions of omnipotence” and that his thirst for power has less to do with the interests of the train drivers then he would like us to believe. And the passengers? What passengers?

By the way, unlike labor monopolies, Germans don’t generally like leaders with “delusions of omnipotence” anymore.

Es ist erstaunlich, dass sich die Lokführer auf dieses Spiel einlassen. Denn Weselsky ist gerade dabei, seine eigene Klientel durch den Dreck zu ziehen. Für die Erschließung neuer Kompetenzfelder lässt er es zu, dass ganz Deutschland aufschreit: Stoppt die Lokführer! Dabei geht es hier gar nicht um die Lokführer. Die werden von der GDL bestens und uneingeschränkt vertreten, selbst wenn sie bei der Konkurrenz organisiert sind.

Germans Never Lose Their Heads

They pay up first.

German Hostages

Seeing German heads cut off by ISIS and Co. or anybody else out there would never do as it could lead an already nervous German citizenry into thinking that they might be part of the real world after all. And that could lead to dire consequences indeed.

The German government is sure to deny having paid any ransom here, of course. This is sound policy because not to have denied paying ransom to terrorists after having paid ransom to terrorists would only encourage these and other terrorists to take even more hostages, most likely hostages from other countries where ransom is not paid for hostages, and then kill these non-German hostages later once that ransom has not been paid.

Die zwei entführten Deutschen auf den Philippinen sind nach Berichten eines lokalen Radiosenders frei. Das von den Terroristen geforderte Lösegeld sei gezahlt worden.

Drittländer

Or “third countries.” Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.

Third countries

Because somebody has to admire them.

The German government has approved over 1.4 billion euros worth of weapons sales to third countries during the first six months of this year.

Deutsche Firmen dürfen unter Wirtschaftsminister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) beinahe ebenso gute Rüstungsgeschäfte mit sogenannten Drittländern machen wie unter der schwarz-gelben Vorgängerregierung.

Germany’s Growth To Be Removed

I mean cut. Yuk. Talk about your gross national product.

Growth

Actually, I mean have its economic-growth forecast for 2014 reduced to 1.2 percent from 1.8 percent.

Jeepers creepers. Is this the end of the beginning of the party or the beginning of the end of the party? Let’s ask two economists and get their five answers and find out.

How Can That Be, One Out Of Three?

Oh no. Not this lady again.

Mentally Ill

The latest greatest medical insurance study is out and it is like so totally full of it that I feel like running off to my Arzt (doctor) right this minute to get krankgeschrieben (written up sick) only he’s closed now, of course, which is probably for the best.

Anyway, this study claims that one out of three Berliners is mentally ill! One out of three? Can you believe that bullshit? Anybody who lives here knows that it’s two-thirds easy.

In Berlin waren mehr als 34 Prozent und in Brandenburg knapp 29 Prozent der erwerbstätigen Versicherten im Jahr 2012 von einer psychischen Erkrankung betroffen. Auch die Zahl der Krankschreibungen wegen Depressionen und anderer psychischer Leiden war in Berlin weitaus höher als im Bundesdurchschnitt.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun!

On the double! And no, you’re not seeing double. Electricity prices have nearly doubled for German consumers since 2000.

Double

So I guess this famous German Energiewende (energy turnaround) is what one could call a two-edged sword. You know, something having a double meaning?

Germans are leading a double life if you ask me. If they still think that this is going to work, I mean. So stop the double-talk already, people. Get this Energiewende nonsense over with on the double before you end up doubled up with laughter – and those men in the white coats come to take you away.

Etwas läuft schief am deutschen Strommarkt: Während Stadtwerke sich seit Jahren über sinkende Strompreise freuen, hat sich der Preis für Verbraucher einer Studie zufolge seit 2000 fast verdoppelt.

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