This Gives “Please Keep Off The Grass” A Whole New Meaning

More budding crime in Kreuzberg. I bet the Greens planted this stuff. Or maybe some other dope. What a bunch of crackpots.

Pot

Kreuzberg is a really seedy district, you know. And these weren’t even potted plants. They just found this stuff among the weeds.  I tell you, this town is really going to pot…

I got a million of ’em, folks!

Dass in Berlin-Kreuzberg öffentlich ein Joint geraucht wird, ist nichts Besonderes. Aber bei mehreren hundert Cannabis-Pflanzen auf einer öffentlichen Grünanlage wird dann selbst in Berlin die Polizei aktiv.

German Spies Spying For American Spies Shocked To Discover That American Spies Were Actually Of The Spy Variety

After years of close cooperation with the NSA, Germany’s BND has now suddenly reduced this cooperation upon finding out that the information they had been furnishing the NSA with was being used for espionage purposes.

Spies

“Who would have thought that?” asked one high-ranking German spy official with a paper bag on his head. “We all figured that that  list of 40,000 selectors (IP addresses, search terms and names) we at the BND used on behalf of the NSA had some other justification. I dunno. I personally assumed they wanted to order pizza or something. But to go and spy on other folks like that? No way. We don’t want anything to do with that kind of Scheiße.”

It still remains to be seen whether this list can be released, as that depends on what arrangements were made with the US by the then government [of Gerhard Schröder] after the dramatic events of September 11.

Do They Strike This Much In Greece?

European travelers have contended for weeks with the possibility that Greece’s dwindling finances might lead to empty ATMs. They should have concerned themselves instead with Germany.

ATM

While cash machines in Athens are still operating without any trouble, striking couriers in Berlin this week stopped filling ATMs, leading to a crunch for those trying to make withdrawals. And the open-ended labor dispute with a local security company means there’s no end in sight.

Berlin’s strike is the latest in a series of walkouts that have riled a nation more accustomed to mocking the labor strife which has so often beset neighboring France. A strike by train drivers that began Tuesday is paralyzing travel and clogging highways throughout Germany. That action follows a March walkout by pilots at Deutsche Lufthansa AG that led to flight cancellations for 220,000 people.

German Of The Day: Krawalltourismus

That means “violent demonstration tourism,” more or less. And May Day (or International Workers’ Day) is booked out completely for this every year in Berlin.

May

These international workers are off that day, you see. And it’s a bewitching event that these folks just can’t afford to miss. You know, tradition and all that?

Weder mystisch noch romantisch. Für die Berliner Polizei steht run um die Maifeiertage viel Arbeit an.

German Of The Day: Heimatfilme

Heimatfilm (German pronunciation: [ˈhaɪmatˌfɪlm], German for “homeland-film“; German plural: Heimatfilme) is the name given to a film genre that was popular in Germany, Switzerland, and Austria from the late 1940s to the early 1970s. They were usually shot in the Alps, the Black Forest, or the Lüneburg Heath and always involved the outdoors. These films were noted for their rural settings, sentimental tone and simplistic morality, and centered on love, friendship, family and non-urban life. Also, the polarity between old and young, tradition and progress, and rural and urban life was articulated. The typical plot structure involved both a “good” and “bad” guy wanting a girl, conflict ensuing, and the “good” guy ultimately triumphing to win the girl to the happiness of everyone and the children.

Heimatfilme

Well that’s cool and all but I guess they’ve tweaked the genre around a bit because they’re going to film the next bunch of “homeland-films” with lots of guns and blood and terror and stuff right here in not so non-urban Berlin itself. But still.

The fifth series will pick up two-and-a-half years after the previous one ended, with main character Carrie Mathison out of the Middle East and in self-imposed exile in the German Capital.

Barbarian Hordes From The Steppes Threatening Berlin Again

Only this time they’re coming on motorcycles. And they don’t even belong to the Hells Angels. Like, how indecorous is that?

Bikers

Politicians and activists in the European Union’s ex-communist east are outraged over a plan by the Night Wolves to commemorate the Soviet victory in World War II by tracing the Red Army’s path to Berlin.

At least 20 riders will cruise from Moscow through Belarus, according to the Night Wolves’ website. From Poland, they’ll pass through the capitals of Slovakia to Austria before continuing to Prague and ending in Berlin on May 9, the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s capitulation to the Soviet Union.

Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?

German Of The Day: Neinsager

That means people who always say no first and ask question later. You know, like when it comes to maybe having the Olympics in Berlin in 2024? NOlympia here, folks.

Hamburg

The northern port city of Hamburg was picked on Monday as the country’s preferred choice for a 2024 summer Olympics bid ahead of Berlin, with the German Olympic Sports Confederation’s (DOSB) members to ratify the proposal later this week.

“I coulda been a contender.”

What About The Male Muslim Teachers In Germany?

Are they now allowed to wear headscarves in class as long as it does not cause disruption in school, too? Fair is fair, you know.

Pegida

Female Muslim teachers in Germany may wear headscarves in class as long as it does not cause disruption in the school, Germany’s top court has said in a ruling that may fuel debate about what some nationalist groups see as creeping “Islamisation”.

The constitutional court reversed its initial 2003 ban on headscarves for teachers, which had led some German states to forbid Muslim headscarves in schools while permitting the wearing of Christian symbols such as crucifixes and nuns’ habits.

“Ich empfinde das Urteil als Katastrophe. Ich halte das für ein Zurückweichen, für die Preisgabe eines elementaren Bausteins unserer Gesellschaft.”

Is This That There Nina Who Sang That 99 Red Balloons Song?

I didn’t think so.

Nina Hagen

Another real thing. I mean person. So happy 60th birthday to you, Nina.

Laut, schrill und immer ein wenig zu aufgedreht und ausgeflippt, so kennt man Nina Hagen.

PS: Did Nina Hagen need a quota?

I Would Like To Know More About This ISIS Beheading Thing

And the Charlie Hebdo attack. And all the other attacks. And that mysterious Islamist terror threat yesterday in Bremen. You know. I would like to know more about stuff like that.

Muslim

I would like to understand these things better because I don’t understand them at all because all of these atrocities are being carried out by Islamists in the name of Islam and yet I am continually being told that these Islamists have nothing to do with Islam and that confuses me. This confusion means that I am Islamophobic, apparently. And I know you mean well, mister but I don’t think you are going to have any good answers for me, either. That must be a part of my Islamophobia, too. Help me, man. I’m sick.

“It’s getting more difficult because a lot of Islamophobic themes are coming, people now mixing Islam and terror, so we have to explain a lot.”

PS: And the Miss Germany 2015 winner is… Her.

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