Olympia Opponents Worried Berlin Too Poor (But Sexy) To Pay

Germans in general are famous for being against stuff that isn’t even there to be against yet. But Berliners in particular take it up a notch and like being against the very thought of the idea of the stuff that isn’t even there to be against yet.

Olympia

Take Berlin’s candidacy for the 2024 Olympic Games, for instance. The one that hasn’t even been applied for yet, I mean. A group calling itself NOlympia is absolutely against this non-candidacy business because the non-application itself would cost a whopping 50 million euros alone. Once it were to be a real application, I mean.

And that would only be the start, people. The Olympics here would be an economic catastrophe, meltdown, debacle, or cataclysm even. Like the finances in Berlin are already, for instance. Sure, Berlin may be able to afford an 850 quadrazillion euro airport that still hasn’t been built yet but 50 million for the chance to have your town host the Olympics is absolutely out of the question for anyone out there with even just a little bit of common economic sense.

Do you have any idea what the Olympics would do to the real estate prices in this city, for instance? That’s right. It would increase the value of real estate in Berlin dramatically. And what city could possibly want something like that to happen?

No, no, no. It’s better to say no first and ask questions later. We no what we are doing and there’s no time to lose. Just say no. No tengo dinero. No we can’t already!

“Der olympische Spitzensport lässt sich nicht ökologisch oder nachhaltig bewerten.”

Togetherness

SPD party whip Thomas Oppermann has found it necessary to interrupt his clearly less than busy summer vacation to explain to Germans who already know that it is the United States ITSELF that is directly responsible for the rise of the ISIS terrorist group and their atrocities in Iraq.

Oppermann

The American intervention and overthrow of Saddam Hussein ten years ago, so the reasoning goes, ruined the “togetherness” that had predominated under the peoples and religions down there up until then. While their fearless leader was still around to take care of things like togetherness and stuff like that, I mean. Whatever.

But not to worry, folks. Six (that’s the number between five and seven) German soldiers have now been sent to the area to calm things down and clean things up.

Personally, I think that this guy needs to extend his vacation another month. He’s obviously stressed out and can’t see very clearly at the moment. Not only do Germans get terribly stressed out just watching TV (while on vacation or otherwise), a new study also indicates that the enormous stress Germans are generally under can lead to vision impairment, too.

Die US-Intervention habe das Miteinander der Völker und Religionen im Irak zerstört.

I Thought He’d Never Leave

Berlin’s mayor Klaus Wowereit (SPD) will finally step down on 11 December, after thirteen years in power. Damn. That’s longer than the Third Reich lasted.

Klaus

And talk about chuzpe. This guy took it to a whole new level (just like he took building airports to a whole new level). He’s leaving now of his “own free will.” Before his cronies get around to tossing him out first, in other words. Even the Berlin SPD crowd has finally figured out that Berlin doesn’t “work” because of Wowereit, it works despite him.

Hey, lieber ein Ende mit Schrecken als ein Schrecken ohne Ende. The Party Klaus is finally over.

Sein drittes Problem: die Stadt. „Arm, aber sexy“, wie der Bürgermeister sie eins beschrieb, das reicht in Wahrheit keinem Berliner mehr. Ihre Stadt, so stellten sie fest, funktioniert nicht wegen Wowereit, sondern trotz Wowereit.

German Of The Day: Lösegeld

That means ransom.

Terror

You know, like the ransom Germany just paid IS terrorists in Syria to free a 27 year-old German who wandered down there “not being aware of the threat posed there now by the ‘Islamic State.'”

The German government officially denies having paid the ransom, of course, but they have a long tradition of doing this. Paying the ransom and then denying that they did, I mean. And this is a very sound policy, I find, because by doing so they never have to deny that paying ransom to terrorists for German hostages only encourages them to take other hostages and then kill them later when the ransom is not paid.

Zahlte Deutschland Lösegeld? Does a bear scheißt in the woods?

Germany Increases Pressure On Russia By Selling It An Oil Company

Berlin is set to approve the sale of one of Germany’s largest oil producers to a Russian consortium, in a move that may undercut U.S. and E.U. sanctions aimed at punishing Russia for its role in stoking the conflict in Ukraine.

Oil

Der Verkauf galt wegen der Rolle Russlands in der Ukraine-Krise als politisch umstritten. Die Bundesregierung hat bei derartigen Transaktionen ein Mitspracherecht nach dem Außenwirtschaftsgesetz.

We All Lose Our Heads Once In A While

But how do you lose a 5.6-foot tall one of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin? It’s not easy, but Berlin city authorities can do it.

Lenin

It was the star of Good Bye Lenin, Wolfgang Becker’s tragicomedy set around the fall of the Berlin Wall: a statue of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, suspended from a helicopter, seemingly waving goodbye to the crumbling socialist republic.

But more than two decades after it was torn down, Berlin authorities have admitted the giant monument may be lost in storage.

And You Thought US-Amerika Had Problems With Potholes

A Second World War bomb discovered under one of Germany’s busiest autobahns has blown a 65ft hole in the road after it exploded.

Pothole

Bomb disposal experts were forced to carry out a controlled explosion after being unable to defuse the 1,000lb British shell which was unearthed during construction work.

Der britische Blindgänger war neben der stark befahrenen Autobahn 3 in der Nähe des Frankfurter Flughafens bei Bauarbeiten gefunden worden. Um die Fundstelle wurde eine 1000-Meter-Sicherheitszone eingerichtet. Die Autobahn wurde voll gesperrt, es kam zu kilometerlangen Staus.

Last Place Again!

The same procedure as last year. The same procedure as every year?

Last Place

The latest education study indicates that when it comes to the 16 German Bundesländer (states) and their school systems, Berlin schools come in 16th again. The states that seem to have their stuff together are Saxony, Thuringia (both in the Evil East!), Bavaria and Baden-Wuerttemberg.

We’re poor but sexy. So we don’t need no education.

Die Hauptstadt erreichte bei dem Vergleich der Bildungssysteme der Bundesländer des arbeitgebernahen Instituts der deutschen Wirtschaft (IW) insgesamt wie im Vorjahr Rang 16.

If BND Spying On Turkey Is “Necessary”…

Then NSA spying on Germany most certainly is.

Turkey

The German government faced an angry reaction from Turkey and accusations of hypocrisy from its own opposition on Monday after media reports that its intelligence agency spied on its NATO ally.

“Dass ein geheimer Nachrichtendienst dort Erkenntnisse sammelt, kann man ihm nicht vorwerfen. Das ist seine Aufgabe.”

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