German Poverty?

Nice try. This is another one of my favorite German myths. You can claim that poverty exists here all you want but everybody knows that poverty only exists in the real world and has nothing at all to do with this country. Or could it be that I am the one with an “unrealistic” definition of what poverty is?

Poverty

Report: About 3.1 million wage and salary earners in Germany had an income below the poverty threshold, according to Saturday’s edition of the Saarbrücker Zeitung newspaper.

You have to understand how Germany works to know that this is ridiculous. For one thing, nobody has to work in Germany if he or she does not want to – ever. They get their rent paid and a low monthly allowance (and then work illegally on the side in a lot of cases) indefinitely = for life, if they want to (everybody know how or knows someone who does).  Many people choose to live this way (I know a few personally). Their welfare system is called Hartz IV, by the way. So like, are you a victim of “poverty” if you choose to be? In a country that has the money to pay your way, I mean?

And you must also understand how a German defines poverty in Germany: “Every second low wage worker, some 1.5 million Germans, would not be able to pay for a one-week holiday per year outside their own four walls. About 600,000 workers were forgoing having their own car because they could not afford it.”

OMG. It’s certainly a cold, cruel world out there when you can’t fly off to Mallorca twice a year like everybody else does and/or keep your expensive German sports car on the road as God intended you to (even though you don’t believe in God, but still).

“The number of workers who earn scarcely or marginally more than the government unemployment benefits (Hartz IV) is alarmingly high.”

PS: Speaking of poverty, get your free copy of Dumb Deutsch here. Offer ends Monday.

North Korea Demands Film Not Being Shown At Film Festival Not Be Shown At Film Festival

And when North Korea demands something, the Berlinale listens.

Interview

Organizers here quickly buckled under pressure and have now sheepishly agreed to take the film not being shown on their program off their program immediately. The wussies.

Somewhere along the line, because of the February 5th start dates, North Korea’s Foreign Ministry misinterpreted that The Interview was an official entrant in the 65th annual Berlinale. As a result, North Korean’s state-run broadcast issued a statement demanding that the film not screen at the festival, which it’s not and never was scheduled to. An organizer for the film festival spoke to the North Korean ambassador to Germany to clear up the misunderstanding.

That’s One Small Spout For A Man…

And one giant leak for MANkind!

Urinating

I don’t make this stuff up, people.

A German court on Thursday ruled in favour of men’s right to urinate standing up, after a landlord tried to retain part of a tenant’s €3,000 (£2,300) deposit for allegedly damaging the marble floor of a toilet by sprinkling it with urine.

The debate about whether men should stand or sit when urinating is no laughing matter in Germany, where some toilets have red traffic-style signs forbidding the standing position. There is also a derogatory term for men who sit and pee – “Sitzpinkler” – which implies that it is not masculine behaviour.

Der Hausbesitzer wollte 1900 Euro einbehalten, weil der Marmorboden der Toilette abgestumpft war.

Now I Know Why We Can Never Find German Soldiers When We Need Them

They’re hiding.

Sniper

The sniper is straight up from the big boulder in the lower left corner, where the color of the stones changes from light to dark.

“The key question for me and my work at the moment is, how images are used to influence people and their decisions,” Menner wrote. “At the core, hiding snipers and ads for Apple have something in common, since both try to infect us with ideas about things we are not able to see. But I think that this is easier to detect while ‘looking’ at hidden snipers than by looking at Apple ads.”

Spiegel Objectivity

Do you remember how “there’s strong, and then there’s Army strong?” It’s the same with objectivity. There’s objectivity, and then there’s Spiegel objectivity. Just ask the Bildzeitung. Hardy, har, har.

NSA

Take the ever-popular NSA hysteria and superhero Edward Snowden HIMSELF. Of the nine (9) authors bringing out their latest shocking reports in the latest shocking Spiegel edition, only three of them actually work for the paper. The other six are well-known and clearly rabid anti-surveillance activists who make no qualms about their feelings for the NSA – and who have also managed to make good money in the process. I mean business.

Here are a few examples: Jacob Appelbaum, author of “Die Freiheit des Internet,” Euro 16.99, Andy Müller-Maguhn, hacker hero and former frontman for the Chaos Computer Club who makes his money as an IT security consultant, Aaron Gibson, salary man for the “Tor Project,”  etc. pp. No conflict of interest here, folks. Other than the vested interest all of them have, Spiegel included, in keeping German hysteria levels at a constant peak, which, as all know who live here, isn’t terribly hard to do. Nice work if you can get it.

Spiegel knows what its readers want before Spiegel readers do. And if Spiegel readers are not absolutely sure what it is they want then they can always find out what that is just by reading the Spiegel.

Als Gibson und Appelbaum im Juli 2014 eine NSA-Geschichte für den NDR recherchierten, legte der NDR diesen Interessenkonflikt offen, schrieb unter der Überschrift „Disclosure“ (Offenlegung), die beiden seien „bezahlte“ Mitarbeiter von Tor. Im „Spiegel“ – kein Wort dazu.

German Of The Day: 5 Billionen

That means 5 trillion (don’t ask, but it really does). And that’s how many euros German savers have set aside for a rainy day.

Trillion

That’s going to be one rainy day.

Zwar investierten die privaten Haushalte ihr Geld trotz niedriger Zinsen vor allem in kurzfristige und vermeintlich sichere Bankeinlagen. Trotzdem wuchs ihr Geldvermögen von Juli bis September 2014 um 28 Milliarden Euro oder 0,6 Prozent auf 5,01 Billionen Euro, wie die Deutsche Bundesbank mitteilte.

Muslims Find Soap Offensive

Let me rephrase that: Certain Muslims on Facebook find a specific soap being sold by Aldi Süd offensive because it has a minaret on the label.

Soap

That injures their religious sensibilities of something so Aldi, being the politically correct cutthroat global discount supermarket chain it is, has now removed the soap from its offering. This, in turn, has pissed off a number of German customers who feel that the Muslim and Aldi reactions  are completely ridiculous, which, of course, they are.

One such customer has now suggested that Aldi also remove Germany’s famous Kölnisch Wasser (Cologne) from their offering as it injures German religious sensibilities, too. After all, the Cologne Cathedral is depicted on its label.

So fordert etwa ein Kunde auf der Facebook-Seite des Unternehmens, dass man “Kölnisch Wasser” aus dem Verkauf nehmen sollte, weil es seine religiösen Gefühle verletze.

German Of The Day: Die Initiative Ergreifen

That means taking the initiative. You know, as in arresting two Salafists in Berlin Wedding on suspicion of recruiting fighters for Isis in Syria?

Salafists

And it’s about freaking time, people. And congratulations to Belgium on their fine catch, too.

Following the recent attacks in Paris and the thwarting on Thursday of a terrorist plot in Belgium, 250 officers simultaneously raided 11 addresses across the German capital.

New Pegida Narrative In The Works

Now that Pegida is not going away as planned (but is in fact still growing) the secret German media police have decided to do a controlled rollback before their current hysterical narrative about courageous Gutmenschen (do-gooders) doing selfless battle against evil Nazi numbskulls gets all too ridiculous even for them (for the secret German media police, I mean).

Pegida

These unwelcome troublemakers will now be rebranded in a decidedly less overwrought fashion, the first merchandise coming out as we speak, so-to-speak. It is in the form of a study just made by the Technical University, Dresden in which we discover the following rather surprising fun facts:

Only one-fourth of those demonstrating are actually demonstrating against the “Islamization of the Western world.”

The typical Pegida supporter is a politically independent 48-year-old male who is well-educated and well-employed.

The main gripes most Pegida supporters have are their dissatisfaction with 1) German politicians, 2) German media and only then 3) the increased number of immigrants and asylum seekers now coming to Germany.

Why, uh, that’s suddenly a completely different picture, isn’t it? Stay tuned, there will certainly be more to follow. The hysteria sure was fun while it lasted though, wasn’t it?

“Sind Sie von der Presse?”

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