Well, for one thing, they know better than anyone that they live in the notorious German Neidgesellschaft.
And for another thing… The figures show that private wealth in Germany is more unevenly distributed than in any other country in the eurozone. While the richest 1% have personal wealth of just short of one million euros on average, a quarter of adult Germans have no wealth or even owe money.
ALDI schönen Sachen!
We all knew somehow that the Germans themselves could not be responsible for this. Now we know why.
Coal mining’s demise in Germany comes as the country is experiencing a resurgence in coal-fired power, one which the U.S. increasingly has helped supply. U.S. exports of power plant-grade coal to Germany have more than doubled since 2008.
“This is a classic case of political greenwashing.”
Or when it’s cloudy and gray and yucky outside (an estimated 359 days a year here). Wind energy does, however. But only when there is enough so-called Wind (wind) to go around.
German environmentally renewable scientists have now been informed, however, and once they figure out a way to keep it sunny and windy all day long this German energy turnaround thing is going to turn everything around for good.
Because Energiewende has been accompanied by a rapid move away from nuclear power following the Fukushima disaster Germany has had to make up its energy deficit by increasing its reliance on coal for the first time in years. German CO2 emissions have actually been rising over past three years.
Still on an unnatural natural high after their nation’s recent World Cup championship victory over Argentina in Brazil, an overconfident team of German robots has lost miserably to Australia 5-1 in the RoboCup 2014 final.
Congratulations to the Rockem Sockem Socceroos. Those many long nights in the lab really paid off.
“Unfortunately, during the final, after our goalie saved an attempt, he fell over and while trying to get back up and in position we conceded the only goal during the entire competition.”
Germany is commemorating the first anniversary of US spying revelations by announcing that its spies will now start doing bad things, too. You know, like spying on friendly intelligence agencies who spy on them?
It may take them some time to get going, however, as German intelligence agencies have never ever considered doing such an awful thing before and don’t have much practical experience in this nasty business. German intelligence agencies are more like German social intelligence agencies, you see. They are more adept at effectively negotiating complex social relationships and environments. In the cutthroat international spying community, I mean.
In Zukunft soll die Spionageabwehr auch befreundete Staaten einschließen: Nach Informationen von SZ, NDR und WDR hat sich die Bundesregierung dazu entschlossen, auch amerikanische und britische Geheimdienste auf deutschem Boden zu observieren.
As if the recent discovery of the mysterious mystery crater in the Yamal Peninsula of Siberia had not been mysterious enough…
German scientists have now discovered a giant, 50-square-mile mystery crater near Hambach, Germany, as well.
The German mystery crater appears to have been at one time filled with unimaginable amounts of something called “brown coal,” one of the dirtiest fuels on earth, until this dirty substance was removed by a mysterious machine some 30 stories tall to then be burned at mysterious German coal-burning power stations, which is the real mystery, of course, as Germany continues to insist that it is the world’s leader when it comes to the development of renewable energy sources – and they’re still digging.
Since the late 1970s, giant earth-moving machines have been digging what German environmentalists decry as “Europe’s biggest hole” at Hambach in the Lower Rhine basin.
German Chamber of Commerce and Industry: One-fourth of German export firms are affected by Russian sanctions.
“Betroffen ist davon in etwa jedes vierte deutsche Unternehmen, das im Ausland aktiv ist.”
That means “opinion cartel” and was just created by ex-president Christian Wulff when referring to his dealings with Der Spiegel news mafia, I mean magazine.
That’s the cool thing about German. You can just throw words together like that and make up new ones that everybody who speaks German immediately understands. And the thing that’s cool about that is that sometimes, like this time, the new creations hit the nail right on the head.
Der frühere Bundespräsident Christian Wulff hat eine Überarbeitung der Regularien des Presserats gefordert. Auswüchse in der Berichterstattung ließen sich so im Interesse des Ganzen strenger ahnden, sagte Wulff dem Nachrichtenmagazin “Der Spiegel”. Die Medien müssten sich immer wieder kritisch fragen, ob sie mit ihrer großen Macht auch verantwortungsvoll und korrekt umgingen.
Gripped with paranoia after the shocking discovery that German information is being intercepted by foreign intelligence services, German counter-espionage experts now demand that all future communication be done using spy-proof “typewriter” technology.
What is more, foreign intelligence services operatives operating in the country have discovered a list indicating that the “typewriter” is only the first new-old anti-spy technology to be introduced in Germany.
The list, taken from an unsupervised “typewriter” (non-electric) in the reception area of the Germany Foreign Ministry, indicates that a whole new wave of old technology is to be introduced in the coming months. Among them will be cassette and eight-track tapes, VCRs, Polaroid instant cameras, the Walkman, carousel slide projectors, ditto machines, Morse code and the abacus. Needles to say, the use of cell phones, microwave ovens and remote control for television will have to be verboten.
“Before I start using typewriters and burning notes after reading, I’d rather abolish the secret services.”