German Of The Day: Massenschlägerei

That means a mass brawl or free-for-all. Like the ones that took place between refugees in Berlin (and elsewhere) last weekend.


So here’s the first predictable reaction in the German media: What have we (the Germans) done wrong to have caused this?

It must get tiring always having to be in the wrong, don’t you think? My own personal theory here is that these refugees just aren’t that much into other refugees anymore.

Meanwhile… When not beating each other up in refugee centers, it appears that these folks are being singled out for recruitment by radical Islamists. Jeepers. Who would have thought that?

“You can’t put Afghans, Syrians and Eritreans in the same place because they hate each other.”

When In Doubt Just Say No

Nein, nein, nein, already. Nolympics in Hamburg, either.


As you can see up there, Hamburgers were too afraid that the Olympics they decided not to bid to host for yesterday would have brought more police brutality, more barbed wire fences, more school crossing cops escorting people to airports, more big nasty retro surveillance cameras and more US-Amerikan Yankee dollars coming out of the chimney of some Hamburger’s house in a really weird surrealistic fashion (causing particularly nasty air pollution, I assume?).

Put in that light I think it was the sound decision to make.

Let’s see, Munich said no, Berlin said no and now Hamburg says no. I think a pattern is starting to develop here. Boston, too, said no, of course (are there really that many Bostonians of German extraction?). What a minute. Has hosting the Olympics now become some new form of cruel and unusual punishment or something? Maybe we could get ISIS to put in a bid.

“Die Menschen sehen, dass es Sachen gibt, wo das Geld besser angelegt ist.”

Günther Has Left The Building

You know, just like Elvis used to? Only in this case Günther has left the Gasometer. Or will have left it, a bit later tonight.


Don’t ask. This is the spaceship thingy inside Schöneberg’s Gasometer (taken out of service in 1995 – the Gasometer, not the spaceship) where Gunther Jauch has been holding his popular Sunday evening political talk show on German Channel One (Das Erste) since 2011. And he’s done a pretty good job at it, I think, Gasometer spaceship or not.

Another era has come to an end or something. He will be replaced by Anne Will whom he replaced in 2011. Don’t ask. It’s a German öffentlich-rechtlich TV (“public sector” or state TV, if you prefer) kind of thang.

So, Anne Will (her last name could be translated as “wants to,” if you wanted to): May the talk be with you.

Am Ende war es ein eher kurzes Gastspiel für Günther Jauch in der ARD: An diesem Sonntag lädt der Moderator zum letzten Mal als Polittalker ins Berliner Gasometer. Für Jauch könnte es der Einstieg in den Vorruhestand sein.

German Of The Day: Aufklärungstornados

That means reconnaissance Tornadoes.


The Paris attacks brought changes: Germany has pledged “any form of support” to France in its fight against terrorism. Right now, it looks like the German military will deploy its Tornado reconnaissance jets…

Reconnaissance jets have already been used in international military missions, for example, in the Balkans and Afghanistan. There, up to six German Tornados supplied their NATO partners with information about Taliban positions. The pictures are taken with cameras attached to the fuselage of the fighter bombers. After the planes have completed their mission and landed, the film must be developed and analyzed, which takes some time, but the images have a much higher resolution and are much more detailed than other types of aerial photography.

Deutsche Fotos für den Luftkrieg der anderen

Stress Lady Back With A Vengeance

Just like she already was here and here and here and here. And here.


Jeepers. What took her so long this time? I mean, what with all of this refugee-terror-soccer-match-cancellation-stress going on around here these days.

But as it turns out, she and her German compatriots don’t seem to be all that stressed out about those kind of things, believe it or not (believe it).

The latest stress survey indicates, for instance, that about one quarter of all Germans are primarily stressed out about the kind of stress that they put themselves under. These are Germans stressed out about being , well, German, I guess you could say. Damn. I wouldn’t want to live under that kind of stress, either.

Some 19 percent are stressed out about not having enough money.

Around 15 percent need more sleep and early retirement, I assume, because having to work for a living is a really big stress factor for them.

And 14 percent are stressed out by not having enough time to do what they want to do. You know, like being more stressed out about stuff?

The Germans remaining, I assume, were not able to adequately stress through verbal communication just how stressed out they really, truly are.

Wie die GfK in einer am Mittwoch veröffentlichten Umfrage herausgefunden hat, stellt der Druck, den man sich selbst macht, die hauptsächliche Stress-Ursache bei den Deutschen dar.

German Of The Day: Getarnt

That means disguised. You know, like the three terrorists from Paris who presumably made their way through Europe disguised as refugees? Now it’s out that at least one of them traveled through Germany.


Take this guy here, Ahmad Almohammad, one of the three who blew themselves up in front of the Stade de France. The latest reports indicate that he was in Bavaria at the end of October.

Alarming? Not alarming enough if you watch the news here. Making a big deal out of something like this would only unsettle the public.

“Zu laufenden Ermittlungsverfahren erteilen wir keine Auskünfte.”

Speaking Of Heroes

Or the lack of them…

Ahmad Mansour

This guy seems to think there’s a lack of them, too. Ahmad Manour is a group manager at the Heroes Project in Berlin and a family counselor at Hayat, an advisory body for de-radicalization.

The degree of Islamist radicalization among the youth in Germany is underestimated. He chose the title “Generation Allah” for his recently published book because “I find that there is an incredible number of young people here who believe in things like conspiracy theories, harbor anti-Semitic thoughts and don’t think along democratic lines. The Islamic religion is the only thing they have that conveys identity for these young people.”

“It’s also important that in view of Islamic terror Muslims ask themselves how such a monster could come to life among us.”

Im politischen Raum sei eine “gewisse Planlosigkeit” im Umgang mit dem Problem erkennbar.

Dear Hollywood

It’s Christmas season so here’s my wish. I know your first and foremost priority is to bash everything time-honored and traditional about us (as in US). I understand and respect that (actually I don’t, that was just a figure of speech). But seeing what’s going on in the world at this moment I would really appreciate it if you could possibly consider bringing back one of your own time-honored genres: The wartime drama. You know, like Casablanca? You could refer to it as a wartime propaganda film if that makes you feel better about it, of course.


I would like this Casablanca to have a Muslim hero in it, however. A Muslim Rick, so-to-speak. The reason being that one of the obvious intentions of the ISIS attacks in France (coming to Germany soon!) is to incite hatred against the Muslims living here and to hopefully, from their point of view, have this hatred lead to some form of civil war in ze Europe.

This may have seemed far-fetched a short time ago but a thoughtful look at the current atmosphere in Germany, for instance, should convince you that this is well within the realm of the possible.

The Traumfabrik (dream factory) needs to give us a positive Muslim role model here, in other words. The “normal,” moderate Muslims living here need one erst recht (all the more). This Ric, too, will need to do the right thing and combat the evil that is terrorizing us all and explain to everyone how it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, of course.

I know you’re busy and all these days and I really hate to bother you (another figure of speech) but I’m just thinking out loud here.

PS: Scarlett Johansson would make a great Ingrid Bergman character. No head scarves or anything, though.

Die Mörder Sind Unter Uns

That’s an old post-World War II German movie called “The Murderers Are Among Us,” starring Hildegard Knef. It’s about Nazis in Germany after the war. You know, people with dark pasts and stuff like that?

Hildegard Knef

Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated story…

Germany’s top prosecutor is investigating whether an Algerian man detained at a refugee center last week knew in advance about the Paris attacks but failed to tell the authorities, officials said on Friday.

The guy apparently even has notes describing the attacks, but he’s not talking for some reason. Nor is this news story getting much air time on the German news waves for some reason. I guess things like this simply aren’t permitted to, well, actually happen, so why report them? I mean, it’s not like this guy has a dark past or anything. And dark futures don’t count.

Im Fall des Algeriers aus Arnsberg, der die Terror-Anschläge von Paris angekündigt haben soll, gibt es neue Entwicklungen: Der 39-Jährige soll Notizen über die Attentate versteckt haben, die nun gefunden worden sind.

Who Woke Up Insulation Nation?

Like how rude is that? Even if they’re only awake for a few minutes it’s still uncalled for.


* Germans long felt insulated after opposing 2003 Iraq war

* Germany-France soccer game was one of Paris targets

* Cancelled match this week brought threat closer to home

* Vice chancellor shuns war rhetoric favoured by Hollande

After years of feeling insulated from militant Islamist threats, Germans are worrying that they too could be subject to attacks like those suffered last week in Paris.

Ain’t no big deal, though. They’ll be back to sleep in no time, folks. War? What, me worry? The answer is always…

“Die ganz klare Antwort ist nein.”


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