What This Town Needs Is A Maximum Security Zoo

Not only do prison inmates in Berlin get to unionize so they can push for a minimum wage and a pension plan, they also get to go on regular visits to Berlin’s famous Zoo called the , uh, Berliner Zoo.

Zoo

But some of these creepy dirtballs ruthlessly take advantage of their prison’s warm-hearted generosity by escaping when the two unsuspecting and unarmed guards accompanying them are caught off guard. While looking at the animals and stuff. In the zoo. Just like somebody called Hassan C. did yesterday. Man oh man. Some of these unionized prison inmates can be real jerks when they’re not in prison.

Wie konnte ihm die Flucht gelingen?

We All Lose Our Heads Once In A While

But how do you lose a 5.6-foot tall one of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin? It’s not easy, but Berlin city authorities can do it.

Lenin

It was the star of Good Bye Lenin, Wolfgang Becker’s tragicomedy set around the fall of the Berlin Wall: a statue of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, suspended from a helicopter, seemingly waving goodbye to the crumbling socialist republic.

But more than two decades after it was torn down, Berlin authorities have admitted the giant monument may be lost in storage.

And You Thought US-Amerika Had Problems With Potholes

A Second World War bomb discovered under one of Germany’s busiest autobahns has blown a 65ft hole in the road after it exploded.

Pothole

Bomb disposal experts were forced to carry out a controlled explosion after being unable to defuse the 1,000lb British shell which was unearthed during construction work.

Der britische Blindgänger war neben der stark befahrenen Autobahn 3 in der Nähe des Frankfurter Flughafens bei Bauarbeiten gefunden worden. Um die Fundstelle wurde eine 1000-Meter-Sicherheitszone eingerichtet. Die Autobahn wurde voll gesperrt, es kam zu kilometerlangen Staus.

“Friends Don’t Spy On Friends”

Somebody said that once, not all to0 long ago, after some NSA Aufregung (excitement) about something somewhere. I forget where. But I couldn’t agree more. So, uh, where’s the outrage now?

Turkey

Now that Germany’s intelligence agency BND has revealed that NATO ally Turkey is one of five countries it is spying on, I mean.

Outrage won’t be necessary this time, I guess. It appears that Germany is finally coming clean and ready to admit to the world that Turkey has officially reached non-friend status so spying in this case is allowed.

Hey, what goes around comes around.

The news reports (of NSA spying in Germany) outraged Germans, leading to favorable attitudes about the United States falling to their lowest levels in years and creating a public and private sense of mistrust. Merkel has repeatedly called the U.S. spy program a breach of trust and noted that “friends don’t spy on friends.”

German Intelligence Failed To Find Anything Intelligent While Wiretapping Hillary Clinton’s Telephone Conversation

According to a report today in the Süddeutsche Zeitung, the German intelligence service BND listened in on at least one telephone call involving former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton while she was still in office.

Hillary

Not only was the eavesdropping “purely accidental,” an unidentified source told the newspaper, but the conversation was also “one of the stupidest, most inane and brain-dead phone conversations I as a spy have ever had to endure. It got so bad I had to start banging my head against the wall and broke off the connection after three minutes. Laber, laber, laber! It’s like her brain is in neutral or something. And they can’t fire me for this either now because I quit!”

Deutsche Regierungskreise bestreiten allerdings, dass es eine systematische Spionage des BND gegen die USA gibt. Vielmehr sei das Gespräch, das Clinton in ihrer Amtszeit aus einer US-Regierungsmaschine heraus geführt habe, nur zufällig aufgefangen worden.

German Of The Day: “Sowas sagt man nicht!”

That’s no way to talk!

DGB

Just ask this lady here. Her name is Gitta Connemann and she is a member of German parliament (CDU) who just got uninvited as the main speaker at an anti-war event sponsored by the big German DGB union for making Israel-friendly comments. And they were shocking as hell, too.

This broad actually had the nerve to say “Every death is one too many but Israel has been shot at since 2006 and has the right to protect itself.”

What on earth was she thinking? Political sensitivity is clearly not her cup of chai.

“Jeder Tote ist zu viel. Aber seit 2006 wird Israel beschossen und hat ein Recht auf Selbstverteidigung.”

Now That’s Entertainment!

German television style. I like this host.

Chili

He goes for the hottest hot sauce (minute 2:30) because he’s that cool and then has to have somebody else take over for him so they can drive him to the hospital.

Nachdem er sich an einem Stück Currywurst mit einer extrem scharfen Würzsauce versucht hatte, musste er die Moderation abbrechen. “Bild.de” berichtet, dass der 38-Jährige anschließend hinter der Bühne mit Kreislaufversagen zusammengebrochen sei und in ein Krankenhaus gebracht werden musste.

“How Realistic Is An Anti-Stress Law?”

Well, in the real world… Not at all. But here in Germany…

Stress

Employment minister Andrea Nahles (SPD) wants to review the situation to see if an anti-stress law can be introduced. The number of stress-related illnesses continues to rise in this country.

If this wasn’t so funny it would be serious. The problem is that nobody who reads this here is laughing. That makes this much more serious than I thought. Which isn’t funny.

Die SPD und Gewerkschaften fordern erneut eine gesetzliche Anti-Stress-Verordnung. Kann gesetzlich geregelt werden, dass der Chef seine Mitarbeiter nicht anrufen darf?

Love Parade Back In Berlin

Only now they’re calling it the Love Pot Parade. OK, the Hanfparade.

Dope

Some 6000 activists have gotten together in the Hauptstadt again to demand the legalization of cannabis. It’s the same procedure (and same 6000 participants?) as last year. Countless thousands more really wanted to take pot, I mean part, this year but fell asleep on the couch again next to several empty bags of those cool Dorrito-like chips they sell over at Reichelt.

“Das sind weniger, als wir uns erhofft habe”», sagte Steffen Geyer, Sprecher der Parade. Es seien wieder nur die Leute da gewesen, “die immer kommen”. Die jährliche Hanfparade gibt es seit 1997.

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