Ugly Germans of the week.
Because somebody has to detest them.
Ugly Germans of the week.
Because somebody has to detest them.
An ancient German tradition, Alleingänge are when Germans, as Germans, go it alone.
In this particular case it has to do with their Empörung (another traditional German word meaning indignation or outrage) about TTIP, a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Strangely, much like their hysterical reaction to Fukushima and subsequent Alleingang out of nuclear power, no one else in Europe really understands what their concern is all about.
These protestors aim to change that, however. Germany’s fellow Europeans, they feel, clearly do not seem to understand what this treaty is really about: It is a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Hello? Is anyone home out there? A trade deal with the United States? As in US-Amerika?
“The U.S. push for world domination is unacceptable. Obama sends out drones to kill people and wins the Nobel peace prize. This has to stop.”
Nothing! Not even the last name of this guy. He’s just Andreas L. to us. And that’s why everybody here is so pissed off at some of the German media for revealing, like, his entire name and everything!
We Germans respect his privacy, you see. Even though he’s dead – along with the other 149 innocent people he killed. Oops! We don’t know that yet. No jumping to conclusions here, folks. At any rate, we’re crazy about privacy. Some say we’re even stark raving mad about it.
In the U.S., it’s standard operating procedure to release the names of people who are suspected of committing a crime. But in Germany, where people are far more sensitive about the line between public and private, that is not done. Critics in the country have cast the move as a reckless rush to judgment, and accuse the media of exploiting the tragedy before all the facts have been established. Others believe that the co-pilot’s family could now face retaliation for the crash.
Analysis of a tablet device belonging to Germanwings Flight 9525 co-pilot Andreas Lubitz shows he researched suicide methods on the Internet in the days leading up to the crash, the public prosecutor’s office in Dusseldorf, Germany, said Thursday.
It’s like I say, folks: A real German says no first and asks questions later (that was oddity 255, if you’re interested). And if US-Amerika is involved in the calculation (see TTIP), all bets are off.
“The EU has published a survey according to which citizens are downright euphoric about the free trade agreement TTIP. In all, 25 Member States [of the 28] there will pour sheer enthusiasm over the completely secretly negotiated agreement, but for one small exception: Germans are mostly against the TTIP.”
Die EU hat in Deutschland einen merkwürdigen Zusammenhang zwischen der Befürwortung von TTIP und der „Demokratiezufriedenheit“ der Bürger ausgemacht. In anderen Ländern lasse sich ein solcher Zusammenhang nicht feststellen.
Or at least they’re suspicious about it. And rightly so, I say. I mean, wouldn’t you be worried if you were a German and people claimed that they liked you? As a country, I mean? It just doesn’t make any sense. It must be an international conspiracy of some kind and the very idea of being liked as a country that is Germany needs to be rejected out of hand before being thoroughly analyzed by German German popularity experts and then officially rejected out of hand for good, officially like.
Amazingly, people outside of this country like Germany. According to the English, Germany is the most popular country, even! Yes, the English! The very ones who used to hate us are now celebrating us. Only question is … why?
Gripped with paranoia after the shocking discovery that German information is being intercepted by foreign intelligence services, German counter-espionage experts now demand that all future communication be done using spy-proof “typewriter” technology.
What is more, foreign intelligence services operatives operating in the country have discovered a list indicating that the “typewriter” is only the first new-old anti-spy technology to be introduced in Germany.
The list, taken from an unsupervised “typewriter” (non-electric) in the reception area of the Germany Foreign Ministry, indicates that a whole new wave of old technology is to be introduced in the coming months. Among them will be cassette and eight-track tapes, VCRs, Polaroid instant cameras, the Walkman, carousel slide projectors, ditto machines, Morse code and the abacus. Needles to say, the use of cell phones, microwave ovens and remote control for television will have to be verboten.
“Before I start using typewriters and burning notes after reading, I’d rather abolish the secret services.”
Europe’s top court ruling that Google and other Internet companies can now be made to remove “irrelevant or excessive personal information” from search engine results has triggered a virtual stampede of excited Germans demanding that their irrelevant and excessive personal information be removed from the Internet immediately.
“Irrelevant and excessive personal information is the only kind of information I produce,” said one soon-to-be-forgotten Google skeptic. “Or consist of, if you will. So you can bet that I just can’t wait to be wiped out of virtual existence for good!”
“The ruling will help certain people hide their past, making it difficult to access certain information, but not when it concerns public figures, or people in whom there is a genuine public interest. This will result in added costs for Internet search providers who will have to add to their take-down policies the means for removing links to an individual’s data, and develop criteria for distinguishing public figures from private individuals.”
Google Maps Street View has released a revolutionary new “time travel” feature that will allow, among other things, German users the novel opportunity to “go back in time” and see how the blurred out images of their homes in the past compare to the blurred out images of their homes in the present.
Google spokesmen regret that time travel to blurred out images of homes in the future is not yet available but will certainly be introduced as soon as googly possible.
Aus Datenschutzgründen ist die neue Funktion in Deutschland nicht abrufbar.
Well now it turns out that evil data criminals have somehow managed to steal some 18 million email accounts, with passwords, across the board, from all the major German Internet providers. And these guys weren’t even working for the NSA, people!
You just can’t trust any kind of Internet criminal these days, I guess.
Die Staatsanwaltschaft Verden ist auf einen Datensatz von 18 Millionen E-Mail-Adressen samt Passwörtern gestoßen. Betroffen sind alle großen deutschen Provider.
IT business here in Germany, I mean.
Funny how that is. Makes a body wonder sometimes if helping to keep folks all hot and bothered like this about our latest “devastating crisis of confidence” is maybe sort of, I dunno, intentional or something? You know, as in profitable intentional?
I know, I know. German media and industry have higher standards than that and would never try to take advantage of a situation like this but look, if everybody else out there is going to keep going hysterical and paranoid about this novel issue of ours then I can start speculating, too. Hmmm. Now Snowden isn’t a German name, is it? Eduard certainly is, though.
“Our best marketing employee is Edward Snowden.”