Silvester Still More Deadly Than Atomkraft

More Germans get injured and die EVERY year by fireworks while celebrating on New Year’s Eve than have ever been injured by German nuclear power plants (no fatalities).

Fireworks

Especially now, I suppose, now that the last few reactors running will soon be turned off for good.

No, I haven’t the slightest idea what the connection is here, either. Ha! Other than perhaps… Germans FEEL that nuclear energy is more dangerous although they KNOW that getting drunk and shooting rockets at one another is a very real and present danger. And hey, what you FEEL wins. Loses?

System One Thinking: System one thinking is automatic, unconscious, lightening fast and generates strong feelings of certainty. System one decisions are difficult to put into words other than ‘it feels right’.

Zerfetzte Hände, schwere Verbrennungen, Tod: Die Silvesternacht hat nicht nur viel Freude, sondern auch einiges Leid gebracht. Mehrere Menschen starben durch Raketen und Böller, andere stürzten aus dem Fenster oder vom Balkon.

Confirm Your Prejudice Here

Germans still have walls in their heads? Why should that surprise anybody? Everybody else does, too. It’s just that the Germans are the only ones who have an excuse for it, sort of.

Wall

“Eastern Germans often say that western Germans are arrogant, materialistic, more bureaucratic and superficial.”

…But Eastern Germans aren’t the only ones still holding prejudices – western Germans have their own clichés about Germans from the former GDR. According to surveys conducted by leading opinion research centers, western Germans think Eastern Germans are sour, mistrustful and anxious. On the other hand, only 43 percent of western Germans considered eastern Germans “motivated” and “flexible.”

And both are right, of course. Hey, if you believe you are a second class citizen, then you are one. And if you believe you are the superior one who calls all the shots, then you are. But it’s kind of fun watching these folks slowly ride off into the East-West sunset. Both camps know quite well that they’re already von gestern (yesterday’s news). Or as Butt-Head used to put it: “Uh-huh, old people, uh-huh.”

“The second and third generations after the unification are much more optimistic, and see more equality between east and west. The proportion of those who think there are more differences than similarities between eastern and western Germans has continuously decreased over the past years.”

And have a happy Unification Day already.

Why Won’t Germany Finally Introduce Stricter Gun Control Legislation?

Oh, I forgot. They already have.

Dossenheim

Three Dead After Shooting in Club House

This must be another anomaly or something.

Ein Mann schießt wild um sich, tötet und verletzt andere. Dann richtet er sich selbst. Die Frage nach dem Warum ist noch ungeklärt.

No Contradiction Here

Not for the Spiegel, anyway. At the moment they are somewhere between…

Big Brother

Obama’s Soft Totalitarianism – Europe Must Protect Itself from America

and

The German Prism: Berlin Wants to Spy Too.

For those who don’t know any better, I could see how you could imagine calling this a form of German schizophrenia. For those who do know better, that’s most definitely what you’d call it.

A monitored human being is not a free human being. And every state that systematically contravenes human rights, even in the alleged service of security, is acting criminally.

Mutually Assured Disillusionment

And here you thought that the Germans could bitch and moan about Europe.

Moan

And boy can they ever. But the reigning Weltmeister of Whining is now suddenly getting some unexpected stiff competition from France, of all places (with Spain, Italy and Greece picking up speed in the griping department, too).

“No European country is becoming more dispirited and disillusioned (with Europe) faster than France,” according to a Pew Research Center report, released in Brussels and Washington. “The French are negative about the economy, with 91 percent saying it is doing badly, up 10 percentage points from 2012.”

France’s malaise with the European Union’s outlook is more similar to sentiment in Spain, Italy and Greece than it is to the mood in Germany, which is the only EU nation of eight surveyed where at least half the public backed giving more power to Brussels to deal with the economic crisis.

So let’s get with it already, Germany. This race ain’t near over with. We (as in you) can do this. When the going gets tough, the tough get moaning.

“Deutsche leben mental auf ihrem eigenen Kontinent.”

Germany Not Trying To Dominate Europe

Honest. Why try when it comes so naturally?

Gauck

No, seriously folks. Poor German President Joachim Gauck. He certainly means well (and somebody’s talking head has to say this stuff, I guess), but how can you not think that Germany is imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent when he goes out of his way to tell you that Germany is not imposing a “diktat” on the rest of the continent?

“In Germany, more Europe doesn’t mean a German Europe. To us, more Europe means a European Germany.”

Well, nice try, but you forgot about the German European Germany variation. It’s not that we don’t trust you, Germany. It’s just that we don’t trust you. It’s called the BKB Syndrome (or at least that’s what I call it). You know, The Big Kid on the Block Syndrome? It’s incurable and there’s not a damned thing you can do about it and you’re guilty until proven guilty so just go ahead and kick back and get used to the situation (as if you weren’t already). And, oh yeah, welcome to the club already, too.

“I was shocked to see how quickly perceptions became distorted, as if today’s Germany stood in the tradition of German imperialism, even of German crimes.”

Seeing That Other People Have Lives Makes Germans Absolutely Miserable

Germans always knew that Facebook (like Google and practically every other hi-tech company from, uh-hum, Amerika) was somehow EVIL. But at least now they know why.

Neid

Two German universities have discovered that there is rampant German envy, uh, running rampant on Facebook. Apparantly, having to witness other people’s wonderful love lives, super vacation adventures and stunning successes at work makes them near physically ill.

This couldn’t surprise anybody who has spent any time in this country, however. Der deutsche Neid ist einfach ohnesgleichen. German Neid (envy) is unparalleled. It permeates this society to such a degree that practically every individual in the country is affected. I can’t say why this is, of course. But my gut feeling theory is that Germans are, in the end, simply unhappy. And misery loves company.

“We were surprised by how many people have a negative experience from Facebook with envy leaving them feeling lonely, frustrated or angry.”

More Godwin’s Law In Action

And it’s particularly popular with Germans, for some strange reason: “In other words, Godwin observed that, given enough time, in any online discussion—regardless of topic or scope—someone inevitably makes a comparison to Hitler or the Nazis.”

Hitler or what?

OK, technically this wasn’t online, but the latest unnecessary comparison to Hitler came from a certain Andreas Köhler, head of a German doctor lobby group here (die Kassenärztliche Bundesvereinigung).

“Julius Caesar, Charlemagne, Napoleon, Adolf Hitler, Angela Merkel – the list of leaders is very long when it comes to those who have tried to unite Europe. And these attempts have always failed because no one can imagine living together in one and the same European house.”

Uh, is the doctor in?

Ein KBV-Sprecher sagte der dpa, aus der rein internen Feier seien Sätze ohne weiteren Zusammenhang nach außen gelangt.

Pleasant Christmas Smells Make Germans Sick

And here you always figured that your lousy Chirstmas spirit had to do with the dreaded Verwandtenbesuch (visiting relatives). Well, it does. But recent research indicates that Christmas smells in abundance (and they always are this time of year) can also make Germans irritable and depressed.

Smell

That’s right. Aromatic candles, incense, advent wreaths with cinnamon and cloves, vanilla, anise, coriander, you name it. All these wonderfully smelly yule tide substances now pose a health threat to us (I mean you) and should be enjoyed in moderation only. I mean not be enjoyed in moderation only, of course.

Bah! Humbug already!

“Zuerst empfindet man den Duft noch als angenehm, aber bald schon kippt die Stimmung, man fühlt sich unwohl, leer oder gereizt.”

You Can’t Even Count On German Hypochondria Anymore

One can only muster up just so much angst, I guess. Even if you’re a German. There’s just never going to be enough of it to go around to make everybody happy. I mean unhappy.


 
That’s right. Current German Angstzustände (states of anxiety) just ain’t what they used to be. German angst being the complex, ever-changing and unstable condition that it is, a new Forsa study has indicated that, for the moment at least, Germans are actually more frightened of the ongoing European debt crisis than they are of the worries they make about their own health, or lack of it.

How it could come to this unexpected result is very puzzling for many, myself included, but one researcher has come up with a startling new theory that might explain this sudden and eerie angst turnaround. He believes that the permanent media reports about sicknesses and health risks stir up people’s worries and fears (duh), but with all the media attention being focused on the debt crisis these days, common disease mongering has simply been coming up too short on the angst Skala (scale).

Boy I sure hope that they finally get this Eurpean debt crisis crap over with soon so we can get back to business.

“Es scheint, als ob permanente Medienberichte über Krankheiten und Gesundheitsrisiken auch die Ängste der Menschen schüren.”

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 277 other followers