Barbarian Hordes From The Steppes Threatening Berlin Again

Only this time they’re coming on motorcycles. And they don’t even belong to the Hells Angels. Like, how indecorous is that?

Bikers

Politicians and activists in the European Union’s ex-communist east are outraged over a plan by the Night Wolves to commemorate the Soviet victory in World War II by tracing the Red Army’s path to Berlin.

At least 20 riders will cruise from Moscow through Belarus, according to the Night Wolves’ website. From Poland, they’ll pass through the capitals of Slovakia to Austria before continuing to Prague and ending in Berlin on May 9, the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s capitulation to the Soviet Union.

Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?

Just Out Of Cold War Storage

Demothball: to remove (naval or military equipment) from storage or reserve, usually for active duty; reactivate.

Leopard 2

Germany plans to bring 100 mothballed tanks back into service in what is widely seen as a response to rising tensions with Russia over Ukraine.

Die im Zuge der Neuausrichtung der Bundeswehr festgelegte Obergrenze von 225 Kampfpanzern Leopard 2 soll auf 320 erhöht werden.

Germans Don’t Frack Around

Germany is just about to make German fracking safer. In a country that doesn’t do any fracking in the first place, versteht sich (it’s understood). And they are going to make it safer by banning it altogether. Makes sense to me. When I concentrate really hard and try to think like a German, I mean (can’t do it for very long, though).

Fracking

The new draft law, which now goes to parliament for approval, will impose an outright ban on fracking for shale gas in the next few years and only allow scientific test drilling under strict conditions to assess the risks and environmental impact.

The law could allow commercial shale gas fracking in exceptional cases from 2019 but only after successful test drilling and the approval of a special committee.

Germany’s gas industry has warned restricting fracking could increase the country’s dependence on imported energy at a time when geopolitical concerns, particularly over Ukraine, are growing.

The BDI industry lobby group described the new conditions as “completely over the top”.

Last year, gas imports from Russia accounted for 37 percent of Germany’s supply. Only 12 percent of Germany’s needs were covered by its own reserves, down from almost a fifth a decade earlier.

To Russia With Love

I mean with debt. Go with God, Greece, but go (to Russia for more dough). I’m sure they’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse.

Russia

Greece’s energy minister is visiting Russia today after calling for a confrontation with a “Germanised Europe” in the country’s stalling bailout negotiations.

The visit comes less than a fortnight before Greek prime minister Alexis Tsipras is due to visit Russian president Vladimir Putin, the date of which was reportedly brought forward because of Greece’s financial disputes with the European Union.

“Today, it becomes even more evident to me that the pathway of the country away from the crisis goes through tough confrontation, if not collision, with the Germanized Europe.”

This Takes Putin-Understanding To A Whole New Level

Despite recent drawbacks regarding German esteem levels for Russia, Putin-Understanding still seems to be alive and well in Germany. It’s even become more, I dunno, active-like. More than 100 German citizens have joined the ranks of pro-Russian rebel fighters in eastern Ukraine.

Putin-Understanders

Unlike German jihadis who went to fight with the “Islamic State” in Syria, German citizens participating in the conflict in eastern Ukraine did not have to worry about facing prosecution back home…

There are currently many German youths who post pictures of themselves with weapons and uniforms in the Internet, boasting of their participation in the Ukraine struggle. One German has lost his life fighting for the separatists on February 12, research by the German weekly (Die Welt am Sonntag) revealed.

Alarm In Germany: Esteem Level For Russia Now Sinking Dangerously Close To Esteem Level For US-Amerika

German political scientists everywhere were stunned at the latest unexpected Infratest dimap survey findings in Germany. For some inexplicable reason, 81 percent of Germans asked have lost their trust in Russia and do not believe that the country respects basic democratic rights.

Russia

Unable to explain this unexpected finding, one scientist warns that if this drop in esteem were to continue and surpass the 96 percent mark “we will then have reached the lack of esteem level traditionally reserved for the United States of America, a country we all know to be much more deserving of our lack of esteem although none of us can rationally explain why that is, and this would be a real rotten deal for Russia. And none of us want that.”

Nur 13 Prozent der Deutschen glaubt an das Minsker Abkommen.

Lithuania

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week (not).

Lithuania

Because somebody has to admire them if they would only be there to admire but not in this case because countries like Lithuania that actually need weapons from countries like Germany can’t have them because that might hurt countries like Russia’s feelings and we wouldn’t want that.

Maybe the Lithuanians would be interested in some German broomsticks instead?

Die baltischen Staaten fürchten russische Aggressionen nach dem Vorbild der Krim-Invasion und des Kriegs in der Ostukraine. Litauen will seine Armee deshalb modernisieren. Hilfe aus Deutschland gibt es dabei nicht.

More Massive Military Might

As if we hadn’t already seen enough yesterday

A German battalion assigned to Nato’s rapid response force used broomstick handles instead of guns on a joint exercise due to chronic equipment shortages.

Broomsticks

Oh, I dunno. Maybe this is just part of Germany’s new security strategy. I mean, if they really know how to use these broomstick handles properly and stuff?

“Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?” said a cold, drawling voice.

Russia Triggering Massive German Military Shift Or Something

Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen has said that she has had it up to here with Russia’s use of unconventional military force to exploit its dominance over former Soviet states and sees no other choice but to begin threatening Russia with Germany’s massive military might or something. In the future sometime perhaps, that is. Maybe.

Ursula

She has even gone so far as to begin plans for the publication of a so-called “white book” as early as next year. Or the year after, these things take time. The Russian military was not immediately available for comment as they were completely out of breath with shock and awe upon hearing this.

What is our reaction to the attempt to establish a geopolitical projection of power through military violence as a form of influence?” she asked no one in particular. “How do I know? I’m just the Defense Minister of Germany. But it’s bound to be in that white book and I just can’t wait to read what it will be.”

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