Germany’s Growth To Be Removed

I mean cut. Yuk. Talk about your gross national product.

Growth

Actually, I mean have its economic-growth forecast for 2014 reduced to 1.2 percent from 1.8 percent.

Jeepers creepers. Is this the end of the beginning of the party or the beginning of the end of the party? Let’s ask two economists and get their five answers and find out.

German Doves Demand Pigeon Deployment

As expected and secretly hoped for, the proposal to send German military-surveillance drones to monitor the cease-fire in eastern Ukraine has run into a thicket of legal problems.

Drones

To pacify Moscow and the German doves opposed to the deployment, German pigeon drones will now be used instead.

France and Germany said they would consider providing drones. But their request to send armed teams as well to safeguard the drone operators could run into resistance at the OSCE, a civilian organization that includes Russia, which would have to agree to the plan.

How Can That Be, One Out Of Three?

Oh no. Not this lady again.

Mentally Ill

The latest greatest medical insurance study is out and it is like so totally full of it that I feel like running off to my Arzt (doctor) right this minute to get krankgeschrieben (written up sick) only he’s closed now, of course, which is probably for the best.

Anyway, this study claims that one out of three Berliners is mentally ill! One out of three? Can you believe that bullshit? Anybody who lives here knows that it’s two-thirds easy.

In Berlin waren mehr als 34 Prozent und in Brandenburg knapp 29 Prozent der erwerbstätigen Versicherten im Jahr 2012 von einer psychischen Erkrankung betroffen. Auch die Zahl der Krankschreibungen wegen Depressionen und anderer psychischer Leiden war in Berlin weitaus höher als im Bundesdurchschnitt.

Buy Amerikan!

These are not real Germans.

Germans

Don’t be fooled by the authentic German attire and flags. These are actually US-Amerikaner with German Wurzeln. Only now they call them roots.

America’s German roots are rich and strong. From California to New York, 48m people claim German ancestry, which would make them the country’s biggest diaspora. But when it comes to owning businesses in America, Germany has punched below its weight, with only 8% of the stock of foreign direct investment (FDI) there. It ranks 7th, behind France, Britain and Japan, among others. British and Japanese firms are especially prone to megalomaniac episodes in which they seek, and fail, to conquer America. German firms have been more cool-headed.

This year, however, things have changed. German giants such as Siemens, SAP, Bayer and Infineon have been on a spree, so far spending more than $65 billion on American firms. Of all the American companies receiving foreign bids this year, a fifth were from German buyers, measured by value. And of all the cross-border takeovers worldwide led by German firms, 60% were for American firms.

The Germans Are Coming!

Just not right now.

Hoogan's Heroes

Germany wants to strengthen its role in international affairs. But recent reports suggest the country’s weapons systems are in such disrepair that Berlin actually has very little to offer its partners.

Ramshackle Military at Odds with Global Aspirations

German Of The Day: Wetter

No, let’s make that the English word of the day instead. Not Wetter,  German for weather, let’s go with the English word wetter. You know, as in there are few countries out there that could possibly be wetter than Germany?

Wetter

But that doesn’t stop Germans from going completely overboard when it comes to unnecessary water conservation measures, of course (and don’t say you heard it from me but it’s the German water mafia I tell you).

People here are known to flush toilets with old bath water and to take turns bathing in the same tub without refilling it. New German toilets typically use about two gallons of water for a full flush and less than one for water-saving.

Conserving water is an expression of personal virtue and social responsibility. But as scholars, utility managers, and municipal officials point out, there is a dark side to the impulse. Sewage stagnates in too-large canals and noxious gas is corroding cement. Basements in Berlin are flooding because of the rising water table.

“Water Saving in Germany Is Nonsense.”

Der Büroschlaf Ist Immer Noch Am Gesündesten

Sleep at the office is still the healthiest. But not even that is enough to keep us top fit these days, it seems.

Sleep

A shocking new study reveals that none of us are getting nearly enough sleep and that this is eventually going to make us go all demented and stuff if we aren’t all demented and stuff already. Before it kills us, I mean.

It appears that this stressful information society we live in is causing us to sleep one and a half hours less then we used to back in the 1960s because, well, I dunno, we have to process sleep data fun facts like this, for instance. We are suffering from permanent sleep deprivation, these experts tell us. All of us. So wake up and go back to sleep already.

„In unserer Informationsgesellschaft schlafen wir ein bis eineinhalb Stunden kürzer als noch in den 1960er Jahren. Wir haben relativen Schlafentzug – alle.“

German Of The Day: Hauptverkehrszeit

You know, the peak hour? The highpoint? Not to be confused with other kinds of public Verkehr (traffic) out there, however.

Verkehr

It usually takes place in the Berlin subway around have sex, I mean halb sechs (five-thirty) in the morning, maybe later. Sometimes the Hauptverkehrszeit comes earlier, though. Even when it’s in the evening. Or in the middle of the night.

Police said that charges could only be brought in such a case if someone felt disturbed by the couple’s display and reported it to the authorities.

Germans Aren’t Scaredy-Cats

They’re Fear Rabbits (Angsthasen).

Angst

And what’s the number one angst in Germany these days? Ukraine? Ebola? Nope. Money. Money, the environment and health, in that order.

“The majority of Germans are afraid the Eurozone crisis will hit tax payers hard and that the cost of living is rising.”

Im westlichen Kokon scheint der Blick gelegentlich getrübt – ein wenig mehr Realismus könnte den Deutschen nicht schaden.

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