Grand Opening For Klaus Wowereit International Airport Now Planned For 2018

Planning for the big party has run into a number of problems and cost-overruns that have made the postponement necessary, party planners announced today.

Wowereit

At least the party’s delay coincides with the latest delay for the completion of Berlin’s not-so-new-anymore-soon-to-be-new airport. The only problem here now is that the building permit runs out in 2016.

Party Klaus himself could not be reached for comment but is sure to attend the party if still alive, albeit no longer as mayor and El Architect Grande of Berlin.

“I leave voluntarily and I am proud of my contribution to the positive development of this city.”

Why Germans Are Desperate To Ignore A Dangerous World?

Desperate? I think determined is the better word. Why? Because they can. And this is just what Germans do. It’s never been any different here (not in our lifetimes).

Disneyland

Imagine being born and raised in a place that is cut off from the rest of that yucky world “out there,” just like your parents before you. In an amusement park kind of way, I mean. You know, kind of like Disneyland? Only they call it Deutschland instead.

I spoke about the relative weakness of NATO, about the failures of European foreign policy, about Russia’s use of money and disinformation to divide Europe and the United States. The crowd and the other panelists nodded—and then almost immediately changed the subject. Instead of NATO, the German audience wanted to discuss genetically modified food and chickens washed in chlorinated water.

“When I think of politics I think about my neighborhood, street lights and construction permits.”

Germany Best Brand Ever!

I mean nation. Sorry, Germans. I mean country.

Best

Germany knocks USA off Best Nation top spot after 5 years

At least according to something called the Anholt-GfK Roper Nation Brands Index, that is.

Hmmm. I smell a Ratte (rat). GfK stands for Gesellschaft für Konsumforschung (Society for Consumer Research) and is on organization located in a city called Nuremberg. In the best little country in the whole wide cotton-pickin’ world. Jiminy Crickets. Talk about your conflict of Interesse (interest).

Germans Being Assured That Bad Republicans Didn’t Actually Win

“Why the Democrats’ debacle isn’t really a victory for the Republicans,” the title of this here article goes, for instance.

Bad Republican

I would have loved to have read what was surely the profound explanation for just how on earth that can possibly be but then that scary photo of that evil Republican lurking in the shadows wearing a black hat there caught my eye and I just had to click away real pronto-like before he could get the chance to draw me into a maelstrom of evil and villainy and consuming despair.

Die Republikaner feiern einen Erdrutschsieg im Senat. Doch der Machtwechsel wird an der Lähmung der US-Politik kaum etwas ändern.

Terrorists Are People, Too

And it would be wrong to hurt their feelings. So that is why German comedian Dieter Nuhr has been reported to the police for anti-Islamic agitation. In Germany. By a Muslim. This guy had the nerve to make fun of Osama bin Laden himself – and Islamic terrorists and “martyrs” in general.

It is unclear if the Muslim who reported him ever reported Osama bin Laden to the police for anti-Islamic agitation, too. But that is beside the point, many hand-wringing Gutmensch-Germans are already pointing out. Islamic terrorists commit their acts in the name of Islam. So by making fun of them you also insult their religion, or so the reasoning must be. Ever feel like you’ve woken up in Wonderland?

„Ich habe kein Verständnis dafür, dass die bei uns lange erkämpfte Meinungsfreiheit nicht mehr ernst genommen wird, wenn sich Islamisten dagegenstemmen.“

Germany’s Growth To Be Removed

I mean cut. Yuk. Talk about your gross national product.

Growth

Actually, I mean have its economic-growth forecast for 2014 reduced to 1.2 percent from 1.8 percent.

Jeepers creepers. Is this the end of the beginning of the party or the beginning of the end of the party? Let’s ask two economists and get their five answers and find out.

German Doves Demand Pigeon Deployment

As expected and secretly hoped for, the proposal to send German military-surveillance drones to monitor the cease-fire in eastern Ukraine has run into a thicket of legal problems.

Drones

To pacify Moscow and the German doves opposed to the deployment, German pigeon drones will now be used instead.

France and Germany said they would consider providing drones. But their request to send armed teams as well to safeguard the drone operators could run into resistance at the OSCE, a civilian organization that includes Russia, which would have to agree to the plan.

How Can That Be, One Out Of Three?

Oh no. Not this lady again.

Mentally Ill

The latest greatest medical insurance study is out and it is like so totally full of it that I feel like running off to my Arzt (doctor) right this minute to get krankgeschrieben (written up sick) only he’s closed now, of course, which is probably for the best.

Anyway, this study claims that one out of three Berliners is mentally ill! One out of three? Can you believe that bullshit? Anybody who lives here knows that it’s two-thirds easy.

In Berlin waren mehr als 34 Prozent und in Brandenburg knapp 29 Prozent der erwerbstätigen Versicherten im Jahr 2012 von einer psychischen Erkrankung betroffen. Auch die Zahl der Krankschreibungen wegen Depressionen und anderer psychischer Leiden war in Berlin weitaus höher als im Bundesdurchschnitt.

Buy Amerikan!

These are not real Germans.

Germans

Don’t be fooled by the authentic German attire and flags. These are actually US-Amerikaner with German Wurzeln. Only now they call them roots.

America’s German roots are rich and strong. From California to New York, 48m people claim German ancestry, which would make them the country’s biggest diaspora. But when it comes to owning businesses in America, Germany has punched below its weight, with only 8% of the stock of foreign direct investment (FDI) there. It ranks 7th, behind France, Britain and Japan, among others. British and Japanese firms are especially prone to megalomaniac episodes in which they seek, and fail, to conquer America. German firms have been more cool-headed.

This year, however, things have changed. German giants such as Siemens, SAP, Bayer and Infineon have been on a spree, so far spending more than $65 billion on American firms. Of all the American companies receiving foreign bids this year, a fifth were from German buyers, measured by value. And of all the cross-border takeovers worldwide led by German firms, 60% were for American firms.

The Germans Are Coming!

Just not right now.

Hoogan's Heroes

Germany wants to strengthen its role in international affairs. But recent reports suggest the country’s weapons systems are in such disrepair that Berlin actually has very little to offer its partners.

Ramshackle Military at Odds with Global Aspirations

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