Obama’s Popularity Rating Plummets To 82 Percent In Germany

Prism

Germans are still enamored of Obama: a poll last week showed 82 percent view him favorably.

It used to be 92 percent so this must have something to do with the time he recently spent in Prism.

Just kidding. The real reason is because there are “gute Amis, böse Amis” (good Yankees and bad Yankees) and the Pres clearly belongs to the good ones, NO MATTER WHAT. I mean, this guy could rape a turtle live on “Wetten, dass..?” and nobody would find anything wrong with it (except the turtle). He’ll be back up to 92 percent here again in no time, in other words.

The bad Yankees are the awful scumbag Republican NSA types who actually did the snooping, by the way.

Damn. Speaking of snooping… He and his crew sure are cool, you’ve got to hand it to them. Even when he’s having them monitor you for your own good (and that whether you’re a tea partier or not). I think I’m going to call them the Cyber Snoop Dogg Pack from here on out. Rat Pack had already been taken.

Germans accuse U.S. of Stasi tactics before Obama visit

Empty Box Empty Box

Hamburg police have determined that an empty box found in a subway station just before the Hamburg Marthon was scheduled to begin turned out in fact to be an empty box.

Videoüberwachung

However, if the box had not been empty, no one would have had any video footage of the person who had placed it there because, as you can see, surveillance cameras are still black (as in evil) in Germany.

In light of the Boston Marathon bombings, a new German “debate” about increasing the number of surveillance cameras has begun once again but will lead to nowhere fast as usual.

Kurze Aufregung im Umfeld des Hamburg-Marathon: Die Polizei hat am Sonntag einen verdächtigen Gegenstand in einem U-Bahnhof in der Innenstadt untersucht.

Peace-Loving And Moral German Soldiers Leaving Afghanistan

And they’ll be leaving behind some 1,700 Afghan employees in the process. Employees that the Taliban has threatened to kill as collaborators.

Afghanistan

Germany benefited from its Afghan helpers for years, and now the Afghans are waiting for Germany to help them.

Other ISAF countries, like the United States, Canada and New Zealand, have set up generous programs for local personnel and their families. France decided to accept about 170 of its Afghan employees into the country. But the German government refuses to implement a collective solution.

“We sold off our lives for a few thousand dollars. If only I had worked for the Americans.”

High Five Claudia

Or high, anyway.

Claudia

How did the high five and theocratic rule in Iran come to cross paths recently? Well, this past weekend at the Munich Security Conference, Claudia Roth, who heads the German Green Party, which represents 11% of the country, was photographed engaged in an enthusiastic high five with the Iranian Ambassador to Germany Ali Reza Sheikh Attar.

The story is beginning to make waves in Germany because Iran’s leaders routinely deny that the Holocaust ever happened, which is a crime in Germany. An example came soon after at a forum with the German Council on Foreign Relations on Monday when Iran’s Foreign Minister Ali Akbar Selehi was invited to visit the Holocaust Memorial in Berlin. Selehi ignored the invitation and then passed on answering a question about Holocaust denial in his country by simply saying “Any holocaust is a human tragedy.” When asked if there has been more than one Holocaust, Selehi told the packed audience that it was up to them to find out.  

Claudia Roth’s Green Party arose from the German student movement of the 1960s, recalcitrant in thumbing their noses at the previous generation who had pro-Nazi tendencies. They championed human rights and cast themselves as the enlightened and progressive leaders of Germany’s bright future.

So why is the head of the Green Party so cozy with someone whose country’s fascism represents the complete opposite of the Green Party pillars? Roth has issued a statement downplaying the encounter, but unfortunately, not even German has a word for how this incident makes any sense.

Attar werde vorgeworfen, dass er in den “80ern als Gouverneur im Iran Oppositionelle aufhängen ließ”. Attar war nach der islamischen Revolution von 1979 Gouverneur der Provinzen Kurdistan und West-Aserbaidschan gewesen. Seit 2008 ist er Botschafter in Deutschland und nicht zuletzt damit beschäftigt, Kritik an Menschenrechtsverletzungen des Regimes in Teheran zurückzuweisen.

We Don’t Do Dirty Work

Yet again (this time not in Mali).

Mali

German Foreign Minister Guido Westerwelle: “The deployment of German combat troops is not an option. And I have to mention just one more point. We Germans are highly involved in Afghanistan, where the French are hardly involved at all.”

The French are not alone in their criticism of Berlin. Political leaders in the US and Britain also find it aggravating that Germany presents itself as a peace-loving power and leaves all the dirty work to the others. Mistrust of Berlin has been especially strong since the German government abstained in the United Nations vote over the Libya intervention two years ago — the only Western country on the Security Council not to support the measure — and refused to provide its NATO allies with military aid. “As is usually the case these days, Germany … is keeping its head down,” wrote the British daily Guardian last week. Westerwelle’s “mealy-mouthed statements leave a bad taste,” commented the newspaper.

“We never explain what we want to achieve, we always talk about how we can stay out of things.”

German Security Officials Now Ready To Consider Introducing More McDonald’s Restaurants

After the German city of Bonn narrowly escaped a deadly bombing last week – and unable to locate the suspected radical Islamist perpetrators due to a lack of recorded surveillance images – German authorities are now ready to consider intensifying the use of CCTV surveillance in Germany by dramatically increasing the number of McDonald’s restaurants allowed to open for business here.

Achtung, baby!

“Violent criminals could be deterred and crimes and planned attacks more quickly cleared up with increased McDonald’s video technology in public spaces,” one Interior Ministry spokesman said. “I mean, like we’ve got to do something now, don’t we?”

The only surveillance images that could help the police in the hunt for the Bonn perpetrators come from the McDonald’s fast food chain. Unlike Deutsche Bahn, the McDonald’s restaurant on Platform 1 did record activity with its surveillance cameras.

This Just In: The Taliban Is Violent And Yucky

Infidel is in, again. Or at least it is for the 27-year-old German who had travelled to Waziristan with his wife intending to free the area from the “infidel occupiers” after they had converted to Islam.

He has now returned to Germany because, well, he was “disheartened by the violence and annoyed with the group’s macho and drug-taking world.”

The former fighter also complained of the unhygienic conditions in the war-torn lands of Pakistan’s Waziristan province and Afghanistan that left him infected with hepatitis, and which were, in his opinion, “incompatible with the teachings of the Koran”.

Holy crap. The Taliban is violent? Wow, like nobody had told me about that either, dude. We feel your pain (in the ass). So welcome back to the real, as in infidel world.

Grumbling German Jihadis Go Home

The German jihad just ain’t what it used to be.

A lot like those disgruntled Auswanderer (emigrant) types on Goodby Deutschland who invariably tuck in their tails and head back home in disgrace, hundreds of aspiring Islamic terrorists from Germany (and their families) have had it up to here already in Waziristan and are heading back to Deutschland in frustration and disgust.

It turns out that their living conditions in the mountains were tougher and less romantic than those portrayed in the promotional clips and what with the disease and the hardship and death always raining down from the sky from American drones and dozens of German combatants already dead, hey, not even going back to live in Germany seemed all that bad a prospect anymore.

What do you think? Which one of these guys is going to turn out to be the next Daniela Katzenberger?

“The first time I heard about going to Pakistan, my eyes almost popped out of my head. I didn’t even know if you could get Pampers there.”

It Still Can’t Happen Here

Can it?

Germany could be a target of an Islamist attack similar to those carried out by a gunman in France two months ago, the head of the country’s intelligence service said on Tuesday.

German intelligence chief Heinz Fromm’s comments, quoted in an interview with the top-selling Bild daily, follow a series of clashes in several German cities and towns between police and ultra-conservative Salafist Muslims.

“The danger for Germany has unfortunately not decreased. And it is not by any means abstract. An attack like in France in March… is also conceivable here.”

It Still Can’t Happen Here

In Toulouse, maybe. But not here in Germany.

Well nobody here in Germany seems interested in reporting about this, anyway. Hmmm. Why would the German media want to keep quiet about a German hostage-taking? Germans would never quietly knuckle under to terrorist hostage-takers, would they?

“We inform you that that your compatriot Edgar Fritz Raupach is a prisoner of the fighters of al-Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb.”

The group said it is seeking the release of Umm Seifullah al-Ansari, or Filiz Gelowicz, a Turkish-born woman jailed a year ago in Germany for aiding terrorism.

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