Greens Ask Germans To Lower Anxiety Level

Explaining that “if more people are carrying weapons it will lead to an escalation rather than a calming of the situation,” German Green spokesperson Irene Mihalic wishes to explain to her unenlightened subjects how the current sharp increase in non-lethal weapons sales over the past three months in Germany is just not nice and ought to be like stopped immediately already, you guys.

Guns

Damn. Why didn’t anybody else think about telling the rabble this before?

Mihalovic, who is Green Party spokesperson for internal security, explained the increase in demand for licenses through a growing sense of insecurity in the population.

Damn number 2. Another clever observation. I may have to rethink my stand on these German Green Shirts after all.

“Nach der Kölner Silvesternacht gibt es viel Aktionismus.”

German Of The Day: Checken

You know, like Checkpoint Charlie checken?

Checkpoint Charlie

Checken means “to get it” in German. To get it as in, I dunno. How about to get it as in finally-now-at last understanding that terrorists really and truly have infiltrated your country as refugees? Are we having denial yet (or still)? Denial will get you nowhere, fast.

German police Thursday arrested two Algerians suspected of links to the Islamic State group after raids targeting several sites, including refugee shelters where some of the suspects lived…

According to information acquired by the Tagesspiegel in Berlin, the former Checkpoint Charlie had been selected as the target of the attack. “As a tourist destination, Checkpoint Charlie was to be hit,” security authorities said.

Nach Informationen des in Berlin erscheinenden “Tagesspiegels” galt der frühere Checkpoint Charlie als Anschlagsziel. “Es sollte mit dem Checkpoint Charlie ein Tourismusziel getroffen werden”, hieß es in Sicherheitskreisen.

 

Berlinale Increases Security To Protect Crappy Films

With the threat of terrorist attacks in Europe on the rise, organizers at the Berlin International Film Festival are worried that frustrated patrons might actually take action for once and are beefing up security big time this year.

Berlinale

“All measures essential to ensure the safety of these pretentious films of ours from any possible attacks carried out by radicalized festivalgoers and other unwanted guests are being implemented as we speak,” a spokesperson said, more like snarled. “Albeit in an inconspicuous and unobtrusive manner. Not like the way we organize the rest of our awful festival, I mean.”

Wird es auch spezielle Vorführungen für Flüchtlinge geben?

Back To The Zukunft

Is this for real, folks? Did they just pop through some 70s wormhole to wreak havoc in our own current space time continuum (assuming there is such a thing as a current one)?

RAF

DNA samples tell us that RAF terrorists (?) retro-terrorized us last June while attempting an armed robbery but we didn’t even notice it because, well, like what were they going to be? RAF terrorists or something? Besides, they botched it.

What is this? I mean, their pictures are still in black and white for crying out loud.

One thing is for certain, though: They did not get away in a DeLorean. They were using a Ford Focus. At least the cops know now that they didn’t get very far. That is definitely one “no future” automobile.

The three fled the scene – a supermarket car park in Gross Mackenstedt – in a Ford Focus, having failed to grab the cash that was inside the van. The two security men inside were unhurt.

No Evidence Here

That the Istanbul attacker targeted Germans, we read in the Deutsche Welle.

Istanbul

Sure all ten killed were German but that was absolutely positively a pure coincidence so don’t even go there thinking ridiculous and panicky thoughts like that, German Interior Minister Thomas de Maiziere tells his countrymen.

This isn’t an attack against Germany (in Turkey). It’s “an attack against humanity,” he says. So Germans shouldn’t feel threatened in that case. Or I guess that’s what he means by that.

“I see no reason to refrain from trips to Turkey.”

The Recklinghausen Connection

No, not staring Gene Hackman. This thriller stars an asylum-seeker French police killed as he tried to storm a Paris police station last week.

Paris

This guy was registered at a German asylum center in the city of Recklinghausen, had a phone with a German SIM card and carried a paper on him in which he pledged allegiance to the leader of the Islamic State. He had also been registered under four different names in Germany.

I don’t think that’s fair. That a poor refugee gets welcomed to Germany four times like that, I mean. Then there are fewer welcomes left to go around for the next wave of folks that comes in. And the next, and the next…

Der Mann posierte in seiner nordrhein-westfälischen Flüchtlingsunterkunft mit einer IS-Fahne. Die Landesbehörden stuften ihn demnach als Verdachtsfall ein, doch im Dezember 2015 verschwand er spurlos aus Recklinghausen.

PS: There’s this German turn of speech I really like: Ich glaub ich bin im schlechten Film. That means I think I’m in a bad movie. I’ve been hearing it more and more these days, too, for some reason.

Evil US-Amerikan-NSA-CIA-Creeps Still Invading German Privacy (Along With Their French Counterparts)

And kept the new year from starting off with a bang in Munich.

Munich

“According to information obtained by the ZEIT the warning was also based upon information that came out of the USA. The French authorities were then of the opinion that these warnings fit the information they themselves had gathered.”

Nach Informationen der ZEIT beruht die Warnung auch auf Informationen, die aus den USA kamen. Die französischen Behörden seien demnach der Ansicht gewesen, dass diese Warnungen zu Informationen passten, von denen sie selbst gehört hätten.

Now That Christmas Is Over…

We can calmly address this story and all be thankful for not having been subjected to this diabolical madness first hand. It would have been too horrible to contemplate before Christmas Day. What kind of twisted minds think of such things?

Wham

Austrian DJ barricades himself in his studio and plays Wham’s Last Christmas 24 times in a row

Die Tür hatte er mit einer Holzlatte versperrt. Unsere Telefonleitung ist fast zusammengebrochen.“ Stoppen konnte den „Last Christmas“-Wahnsinn erst Kohlhofers kleine Tochter (5). Sie rief im Studio an, bat ihn: „Papa, kannst du bitte aufhören. Du machst alle Leute verrückt.“

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