Tessa B.

Beautiful German of the week.

Tessa Bergmeier

Because somebody has to admire them.


International Islamic financial crisis worsening in Germany

Clearly hurting due to a lack of international terror funding brought about by the global financial crisis, and not enough Google Adsense revenue having come in from last month’s apocalyptic tirade, German Islamic terrorist Abu Talha „Where’s the money“ al-Almani has released another Internet video in which he decried the current shameful lack of German terrorist solidarity as a “current shameful lack of German terrorist solidarity” and called for immediate increased spending by German Muslims the world over.


 Is this the same thing as the Islandic financial crisis?isis


His new tirade, entitled something like “Islam in Big Financial Crisis You Me More Money Send” (his Arabic is not that good yet, but neither is mine), al-Almani stressed several times that “We have nothing to fear, but the lack of fear itself,” and warned that if funds don’t come in soon, “The only way out of this mess will be by building an economic system based entirely upon the Koran, only this time for real.”


This would of course include a ban on all types of interest payments (so far so good), no more trading in “abstract goods” like currencies and commodities (except oil, of course) and the introduction of dried camel dung as the universal method of payment. Paying for stuff with damp camel dung would still remain prohibited, for now.


Al-Almani, a former German business mathmatics student, went on to say that Germany has been spared so far, but that he and other money-less Mudschahidin like him will keep sending scarry video messages like this on a regular basis anyway, just to keep folks here on their infidelic little toes or something, or at least until some cash starts coming in.


Reliable sources have verified that Mr al-Almani does indeed plan to release a third video sometime soon, provided of course he can find a solvent sponsor with enough camel dung, uh, on his hands.


„Am Ende des Bandes hat er bereits die nächste Rede angekündigt. ‘Was der Westen dem Islam alles verdankt’, wird sie heißen. Es steht zu vermuten, dass sie ähnlich wirr ausfällt.“ 

Crisis, crisis and a little more crisis, to go

When will it end? VW just set a new record in sales, the German stock market just made another billion, the energy giant RWE beat it’s 2008 profit goals admirably, Axel Springer publishing (Bild) has never made more money, Sixt is expecting a booming 2009, it just goes on and on and on, people.


 Ho hum, another record.


Stop the world I want to get off or something. When are we ever going to see a little light at the end of the economic tunnel? Before we all roll over and die, I mean.


PS: Speaking of cars (even if VW didn’t actually invent them), Germany still loves you anyway, Mr. President. Noch (for now).

Black must one work

When you “work black” over here in Germany you’re working without paying any of those ridiculously high German Abgaben (taxes, social security and pension costs and who knows what else). You know, instead of hiring a painter to paint your apartment and give you a proper bill, you hire him or somebody else on the side and pay half?


 Talk about dirt cheap.


Well, every once in a while German government and media types pretend like this is a bad thing and get upset for a few days and talk about how, this time, for example, 30 billion Euros in revenue is being funneled away from the state due to this dreadfully immoral Schwarzarbeit (black work) stuff and everyone should stop doing it right now this minute honest and seriously we really mean it this time, folks. You know, be better people and all that?


The problem is that nobody here will even consider stopping hiring and working black, not as long as the German state isn’t prepared to reduce these high Abgaben of theirs, at least when it comes to work like this. And a reduction like this, of course, as everybody knows, is out of the question. Why, nobody knows. It just is.


A third of all Germans employ people this way, according to a recent survey. And the interesting thing, I find, is just who is doing the hiring. Some 39 percent of those hiring Schwarzarbeiter are retirees. The next biggist group with 28 percent is the childless DINK couple kind of people kind of group. But apparently only 18 percent of families with kids have the money to cheat the government out of, well, the money. They’ve given it all up by already having paid those Abgaben somewhere else, it seems.


„Allerdings plagt vier von fünf Bundesbürgern laut Umfrage keinerlei schlechtes Gewissen, wenn sie Schwarzarbeiter beschäftigen.“

German Filmkunst in action

I don’t know what to believe. Is Germany the great film-making nation we all think it is because of this guy?


 Oscar is a German name, you know.


Or is it maybe less of this great film-making nation because of this “worst director in the world” guy here? I’d say it’s both, maybe, or neither, although it’s hard to say for sure.


Sure, Alexander Freydank may have received the Academy Award last night for Best Short Film for his 14 minute long Spielzeugland (Toyland), but Uwe Boll got an award, too. He got this year’s Golden Rasberry for the worst directing for, uh, well, for directing everything he his been allowed to direct so far.


Personally, I love trash films, whatever the language, whether they’re the worst foreign types or not, so leave Uwe Boll alone you elitist cinimatic snobs, you. And so what if he’s “the Teutonic twerp (Eumel) of world cinema”, there is obviously an audience for that kind of stuff, and I’m probably sitting in it. In the audience, I mean. Haven’t had the pleasure to see one of these Boll productions yet, though. I will, though. Or I’ll wait for the book to come out.


“Alles, was Boll mache, sei einfach scheußlich.”

It’s always 80 percent here

Some 80 percent of Germans polled by Die Welt have welcomed the talks that just took place between Mr. Teflon former German chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and Iranian President Mahmoud the Moody Ahmedinijad themselves, in Tehran, in Iran, in the official land of Holocaust denial, right before Ahmedinijad’s bid for reelection.


Will you be my ole buddy, too?


It’s always 80 percent plus approval here if it has anything to do with Schroeder. He is the guy that said no to America before America ever asked (Iraq), for instance (that was a reelection issue, too, by the way), and he is single-handedly seeing to it that Germany keeps getting all the gas it needs. From Russia, I mean, from his buddy ex-President current-Czar Vlad the Glad Putin.


Is there anything wrong with this picture? Nope, not in Germany there isn’t. When were 80 percent of those asked here ever wrong? Even when they weren’t asked, I mean.


“Nur das Auswärtige Amt schweigt.”

Limp, limper, am limpsten

Or lame, if you prefer. What some are praising as an impressive and welcomed response by Germany, others are clearly less than impressed. Germany will be sending litterally, uh, hundreds of new troops to the northern reaches of Afghanistan in the coming months while US forces in that country will be beefed up another 17,000.


 Let's have another meeting again or something.


Wasn’t everything supposed to be better after Obama? “The message (from Washington) is that it is a new administration and is prepared to make additional commitments to Afghanistan. But there clearly will be expectations that the allies must do more as well,” US Defense Secretary Robert Gates told reporters the other day. He was basically asking for a few of NATO’s so-called Rapid Response Force (NRF) troops, which have never been used, of course.

And this is Germany’s response to the new message coming out of Washington? Like other European countries who have announced to send additional troops to Afghanistan, Germany will send hundreds, not thousands. And none of them are destined for combat with the Taliban, either.


And to top it off, Germany insists that the NRF should not be used for Afghan duty at all. “The NRF should not be used as a reserve,” German Defense Minister Franz Josef Jung said. “The NRF has fundamentally different tasks.” Yeah, like being kept on reserve in Europe, I guess, forever.


“US officials have long been frustrated by European reluctance to make new long-term troop commitments to the Afghan mission and Gates said it was unlikely that large increases would be forthcoming anytime soon.“

Low point, high point, what’s the point?

Germany’s Ifo-Barometer is pointing south bigtime. After asking 1035 experts about the world’s economic climate (not that other one), they dropped its rating (a credit rating, so-to-speak) from 67 to 45 index points, the lowest its been in, well, quite a long time.


 Are these the good old days again or something?


At the same time, however, German investor confidence has just jumped to its highest level since 2007, this according to a place called the Zew Institute. “By the middle of 2009, the economy is likely to improve again. A sign of hope – no more, no less,” one analyst said.


High, low, more, less, Hauptsache (the main thing) is that everybody stays on the same sheet of music, right?


“Still, the gathering clouds have a silver lining.”