Monthly Archives: April 2009

Obama to move Turkey to Europe

April 6, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 1 Comment

His wonders never ceasing, President Obama is now said to be planning to move Turkey to Europe during a live television broadcast from Las Vegas which could be aired sometime later this year.

 

Hi there, turkeys.

 

After saying that Turkey’s membership to the EU (that country technically not a part of Europe) would be an important symbol of cooperation between the West and the Muslim world and thereby pissing off our new-real-good-buddies-again France and Germany who are seemingly less than impressed about the thought of having to cooperate that much, aides close to the President said that he is beginning to lose his patience with their recalcitrance and is planning the physical relocation of the massive Eurasian landmass “up north” with a mere clap of his hands, thus alleviating the problem. “This just in case Germany and France don’t like chill already,” one aide said.

 

Rumors that White House staffers have already made contact with David Copperfield could not be substantiated but sources close to Criss Angel say that this is the kind of Mindfreak that’s right up his alley (or ally?).

 

“A strong partnership requires shared responsibility.”

Wow, what a deal!

April 5, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 1 Comment

Turning a typical yes-we-love-you-but-lip-service-is-all-you-get pirouette, Germany and other European partners have successfully, well, lip serviced President Obama during this weekend’s NATO summit with a passionate endorsement Bussi (kiss) for his new Afghan strategy while handing him a great big nichts dahinter (nothing behind it) welcome bouquet.

Welcome to Europe!

To underscore their sincerity, or lack of it, our stalwart partners have agreed to send, now get this, a jaw-dropping contingent of 3,000 troops to protect elections there next August. Not only that, a few new military training teams will also be sent to strengthen Afghanistan’s, uh, already amazingly strong army. And just to put the icing on the top of the injury, I mean cake, a handful of European civilian experts will be flown in to “consolidate the government” down there, whatever that means.

These are promising promises which promise to bring even more promise to President Obama’s promising start in jolly old Europe – oops, I meant in jolly Europe, of course.

“At a closing news conference, Obama portrayed the outcome as a success for his maiden encounter with NATO summitry, suggesting that trainers and civilians can be just as valuable as fighters.”

Gimme an N!

April 3, 2009 By in Habitudes Leave a comment

Gimme an A! Gimme a T! Gimme an O!

 

 Friends forever.

 

What’s that spell (if your German)?

No more Afghanistan Troops, Obama!

What’s that spell (if your German)?

No more Afghanistan Troops, Obama!

What’s that spell (if your German)?

No more Afghanistan Troops, Obama!

 

Don’t ask. Just felt like doing a little NATO Woodstock kind of thing today.

 

“His NATO allies are giving the president considerable vocal support for the newly integrated strategy. But they are giving him very few new troops on the ground, underlining the fundamental strains in the alliance.”

YouTube German style

April 2, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 1 Comment

Germans have this thing with G words. You know, like Gier (greed) or Geld (money)? Your money, actually (and their greed). If you live here, that is.

 

 I been framed!

 

Whether it’s the Gebühreneinzugszentrale (the television fee collecting central office or GEZ) or the GEMA (Germany‘s music royalty organization) or even the Government itself, all of these wonderful agencies are out to collect taxes, fees and royalties. And all of this is for your own good, of course. And this is so because, well, if they didn’t do it, no one else would.

 

And that is why as of yesterday, Google (another G Word, by the way) no longer allows users with German IP addresses to watch music videos on YouTube. Negotiations broke down between the music industry and Google over compensation for copyright holders because the GEMA wants, well, way too much. But like I said, they’re only doing this for your own good. And mine, too.

 

Hey, wait a minute. Come to think of it, German is a G Word, too.

 

“In addition to this squabbling over the per-song licensing rate, GEMA accused Google of a lack of transparency when it comes to which songs were played, and how many times they were played.”

Bush in black?

April 1, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: Leave a comment

Gerhard Schröder had his “reasons”, is Angie going to jump on the bandwagon now, too? Or is she already long gone down that road – ist der Zug schon abgefahren (did this train already leave the station)? It is a campaign year here in Germany after all, you know.

 

Remember the way we were?

 

“Mr. Obama speaks of a global crisis that demands global responses. For the Germans, this is indeed a global crisis — but one that must be resolved primarily by the U.S., since it originated there. Therefore, German finance companies that became entangled in dodgy speculations are seen as weak victims who were seduced, while the clever American seducers who caused the real-estate bubble must now be punished.

Now the victims are claiming the right to say “no” to new stimulus packages. And they are demanding that the U.S. never again be permitted to seduce — that it be constrained by “more transparency on the financial markets, which Germany called for long ago,” as Mrs. Merkel says.”

“Before the Iraq war, George Bush succeeded in splitting Europe into the old and the new. In the financial crisis, the Continent is unified in its opposition toward his successor, Barack Obama.”