Monthly Archives: May 2009

A Disneyland, a falsification of history, a tasteless mockery?

May 21, 2009 By in History Tags: Leave a comment

Wait a minute, let me think. Sure, I guess it is.

Checkpoint Charlies in action

“Even we notice the crisis,” one of them (one of two painted figures who stand as if frozen in front of the Brandenburg Gate) complained during a rare coffee break in which they were allowed to open their mouths. “We’re not getting the trade that we used to.” The pair were charging tourists €1 apiece to be photographed with them.

At the former Checkpoint Charlie site, the desires of undiscerning Berlin visitors are even better catered for. The area is awash with tour buses. Hot dogs are being churned out by a fast food bar called “Snackpoint Charlie” and a replica wooden hut surrounded by sandbags simulates the original Allied checkpoint.

“In an attempt to cash in on a perceived “Ostalgie” or nostalgia for the former Communist state in the east, politicians have come forward with revisionist remarks about its former regime.”

German paranoia runs deep

May 20, 2009 By in Hi-tech Tags: 9 Comments

Into their lives it will creep. It starts when they’re always afraid. You step out of line and they come to take you away…

I'm that eye in the sky, sort of.

Like many Native American tribes who used to believe that you can steal someone’s soul by taking their photograph, Germans still do. Or at least they seem to when it comes to Google’s nifty spiffy high-speed Street View panoramic photo mapping service.

A German „data protection regulator“ (that’s kind of like a medicine man over here) has warned Google that he will be forced by forces beyond his control to pursue unspecified sanctions if they don’t send him written guarantees (in Wolf’s blood) that they will stop taking pictures of everybody’s souls already.

German privacy law forbids the dissemination of photos of people or their property without their consent. It probably also forbids disseminating descriptions of them, too, or mentioning their name out loud or talking about them when they are not there or even to them when they are (not that you would want to, this is all hypothetical) because they might think that you want something from them or that you’re out to get them or something and then that vicious spiral of distrust, fear, loathing and paranoia starts spinning all over and over again and again. And we don’t want that.

Anyway, it’s funny how Germans still believe in the soul at all, I find. There’s no God over here, I’m told, but souls are still in? Whatever. Say Käse (cheese). Ha, ha, just joking.

„Sie fürchten Eingriffe in die Privatsphäre, außerdem könnten Diebe auf diese Weise Wohnungen ausspähen.“

Uh oh, this really is a crisis

May 19, 2009 By in Heconomy Tags: 2 Comments

When Germans stop flying off on vacation, it’s all over. The number of German passengers fleeing the country (mostly for vacation) sank a record 9.3 percent during the first quarter of this year.

Grounded again

Records show that the biggest drop in bookings was seen with those flights to the United States, this down nearly 18 percent, meaning some 1.9 million less German visitors than in the first three months of 2008. And this is Obama-America now too, you know. Oh my God we’re all gonna die or something.

„Die Zahl der von deutschen Flughäfen aus startenden Passagiere sank im ersten Quartal um 9,3 Prozent und damit so stark wie seit 15 Jahren nicht mehr.“

Germans and their weapons issues

May 15, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 1 Comment

It’s even become peinlich (embarrassing) for German politicians now (and that takes a lot), this nutty idea about forbidding paintball. But they meant well, right? They always do.

Evil paintballer in action.

It’s all about cosmetics, I guess, and blinder Aktionismus (politicking, or doing things just for the sake of doing things). There can’t be many countries out there with stricter weapons controls than the ones Germany already has (maybe North Korea or someplace like that?), but that wackos still go nuts and kill people with guns here and elsewhere, and unfortunately always will, regardless of the local gun laws or paintball culture, well, that’s just another sad, prosaic little fact .

Why not address real weapons issues, pacifist German politicians? You know, like German weapons exports? Those seem to be completely out of control (you’re still number three in the world – go Germany!). Where’s the politicking there? I know, I know; who cares? Nobody, nobody does here. You can’t care about something you refuse to recognize, much less talk about. Getting upset for a few minutes about paintball is a whole lot easier than addressing a real issue, and less embarrassing in the end.

„Beim weltweiten Waffenhandel gehöre Deutschland zu den führenden Nationen, heißt es im Jahresbericht des Bonner Friedens- und Sicherheitsforschungsinstituts. Lieferungen gingen auch in problematische Empfängerländer wie Angola, Ägypten oder Pakistan.“

Drug money

May 14, 2009 By in Health Tags: Leave a comment

And here I thought they were all on dope already. The Left party’s expert for addiction and drugs (or was it drugs and addiction?) has suggested combating the German state’s current fiscal woes by legalizing marijuana because “We could really use the money we would take in with cannabis tax for, like say, health education.”

What kind of a state is the state in?

What a bunch of copycats. Or maybe this is just the next well-orchestrated move in some sinister international German-Austrian-Californian drug tax cartel conspiracy. Damn. My head starts spinning just thinking about it. And I get the munchies, too.

„Dann hätten wir eine Gleichstellung aller Drogen.“

We’re number one! We’re number one!

May 13, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: 2 Comments

Germany is. When it comes to paying taxes and other public charges, it is. The average German worker, or milk cow if you prefer, shells out much more than any of his counterparts in other countries do, the highest rate of any industrialized country. And this is the case whether you’re a single or a couple or a family here, according to a study by the OECD.

Taxes... And death.

The average single earner here is allowed to keep 48 percent of what he or she earns after all the taxes and dues are in, for instance. But take heart. If you have a lousy job that hardly pays you anything to begin with, you can take home a whole 52.7 percent of what you make.

Well, at least now that this study is out I’m sure that the German government will do something about this gross imbalance and shocking lack of Gerechtigkeit (justice) and, uh, money. For the folks who actually earn it, I mean. But, then again, I’m also sure that the Washington Nationals are going to win the World Series later this year, too.

“Die Armen tragen die größte Last.”

We can hardly wait

May 12, 2009 By in History Tags: 4 Comments

Nobody in Germany really wants this guy here, of course. But…

Lügen haben lange Beine.

„Ultimately Mr. Demjanjuk’s advanced age and poor health serve as reminders, regardless of the outcome in court, of how the living memory of the crimes committed during World War II is on the verge of disappearing. Mr. Demjanjuk’s case might well be the last major war crimes trial in Germany, marking the end of an era that began in Nuremberg in 1945.“

Is that a bright side?

„Allerdings muss noch geklärt werden, ob der 89-Jährige verhandlungsfähig ist.“

Eating utensils soon to be verboten, too

May 11, 2009 By in Habitudes Tags: Leave a comment

Now that playing paintball is about to become a felony here in Germany, many Germans are worried about today’s somewhat vicious knife attack at the Albert-Einstein-Gymnasium in St. Augustin and fear it could cause a political backlash that might just lead to the complete Verbot of eating utensils in their country and the end of civilized eating behavior as they now know it.

How are you? Knive to meet you.

Otherwise quite fastidious when it comes to eating with tools, Germans everywhere nevertheless understand that the possible outlawing of all knives, forks and spoons within the home would only be done so with their own best interest at heart and would help in the ongoing national struggle to prevent any further lowering of the threshold of violence already quite palpable at many a German dinner table.

“16-Jährige nach Messerattacke auf der Flucht”