We don’t take in just any innocently held enemy combatant terrorist type, you know

Germany still has a few questions it needs to have answered before it can decide to say no to taking in the Guantanamo prisoners the United States is now trying to relocate for our sins, so-to-speak (or was it their sins?). I’ll try to answer these as best I can.

“Firstly: is it sufficiently certain that these people pose no danger?” My answer: No, it isn’t. That’s one reason why they were in prison.

“Secondly, why can’t the United States take the people concerned?” My answer: We, like Germany, now prefer a more international solution to the problem.

“And thirdly, is there any relation to Germany?” My answer: No, no more than there is a relation to Lithuania and Portugal, but you moaned about Guantanamo so loud and so long we figured you might want to take this opportunity to finally do something about it.

Any further questions?

„Innenministerium fordert Sicherheitsgarantien für Guantanamo-Häftlinge”

Daniela K.

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Paintball verboten! Paintball verboten?

May 8, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus Tags: Weapons 1 Comment

Correct me please if I misunderstood the German in this article here, you German speakers out there, but does it really say that Germany’s coalition government wants to forbid the playing of paintball because it “lowers the threshold for acts of violence” like the one which recently took place in Winnenden?

Why stop there? Why not forbid German kids (of all ages) from playing cowboys and Indians and cops and robbers? Not that a German kid would ever pretend to shoot an Indian or a robber or anything (the cop maybe), that was just like a figure of speech or something OK? I’m just trying to follow this line of reasoning through to its logical conclusion, so give me a break already.

Verstöße sollen mit einer Geldbuße von bis zu 5000 Euro geahndet werden.

Better than the Weather Channel

May 8, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hi-tech Tags: Boris Becker Leave a comment

But just barely. That’s right, folks. It’s time to introduce… Boris Becker Web TV!

You can now watch Boris hanging out at one of his many homes, getting face-sucked by his latest fiancé, going to and even in one of his many bathrooms, taking his latest medication (we hope) and even getting married at his very latest made-for-Web-TV marriage, but you knew about that one already. You won’t be seeing him play any tennis any soon, though. If you want sports, go to ESPN – to ESPN Classics.

And all of this 24 freakin’ hours a day! Kind of like the weather, you know?

„Dies ist das erste personalisierte Web-TV der Welt.“

Remember Rumsfeld?

May 7, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes Tags: Donald Rumsfeld 1 Comment

What a dumb question, right? And although Germany’s Finance Minister Peer Steinbrück is anything but “right” (in more ways than one), I can’t help but think that if Germany ever needed a Donald Rumsfeld, this guy would definitely be the man. Damn. Germany doesn’t need a Donald Rumsfeld (the Germans will be the first to tell you that one) and this guy is still the man.

He has that same every-time-I-open-my-mouth-I’m-going-to-provoke-the-hell-out-of-you gene that Rummy had (and still has, I’m sure – more power to you and run with it buddy) and although it never really, uh, came in handy or anything I suppose, it was entertaining as hell or infuriating as hell or take your pick it was both.

Today The Peer is whoppin’ on Switzerland and its tax laws again, this time comparing that country to Burkina Faso. Now I’ve never been to Burkina Faso or anything and don’t know much about it really, but I guess that’s a bad comparison to make when it comes to tax laws because otherwise The Peer wouldn’t have used it, right? Anyway, now everybody’s pissed off. And that’s the main thing.

So, well, I never thought I would be able to say this folks, but I think I’m really starting to like this guy.

“Burkina jubelt, Faso auch.”

More fascinating Kunst

May 6, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus Tags: Art 2 Comments

Not. But at least it’s disgusting. I’m not even sure if I can really believe this is real or really happening: A traveling exhibition of preserved human bodies?

You can donate your body for one of the upcoming shows here if you want to. I don’t. And I don’t get this world anymore, either. Or this body world, I should say.

Für besondere Aufregung sorgte schon im Vorfeld dieses Motiv namens “Schwebender Akt”.

All German Opel plants, all the time

May 5, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Fiat Leave a comment

Soon Chancellor-not-to-be and current Vice-Chancellor and part-time Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (so like how many hyphens was that?) is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. Not during election time at least.

He has cast doubt on Fiat’s proposed plan to take over Opel if consolidation includes closing any of Opel’s four production plants. Italians can’t vote here, you see. And they wouldn’t vote for him if they could, so there.

By the way, you mayboe ought to know what some Germans say Fiat stands for: Fauler Italianer aus Turin (lazy Italian from Turin).

„Für Wahlkampfzwecke missbraucht?“

Fragen kann man

May 4, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hypocrisy 1 Comment

You can always ask. And ask we did.

The United States has made a formal request to Germany to take in some prisoners held at its military prison in Guantanamo Bay, a spokesman for Interior Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble said on Sunday.

Too bad they have already said no before ever being asked, à la Gerhard Schroeder, so don’t hold your breath or anything. It’s not like the Germans ever held their breath when it came to their outrage about Gitmo, of course. But now that they have the golden opportunity to right some of those dreadful, horrible wrongs, well, they’ve gotten quite quiet about the matter.

“The United States bears the primary responsibility here.”