Shooting yourself in the foot 101

It’s become a well-loved custom here, Germany politicians making complete fools of themselves by using completely unnecessary Nazi comparisons and/or terminology that every German third grader knows not to use.

This time it’s the SPD’s Matthias Platzeck (the SPD is really on a role these days) who used the term “annexation” when referring to German reunification, the same word that was used to describe the Nazi takeover of Austria in World War II. Platzeck is from the mystical German East, by the way.

Now everybody’s upset and stuff. Dumb a#!*´s.

“I don’t know what there is to celebrate.”


This gives German unification a whole new meaning

There’s new research out or something. In a nutshell, it’s let’s talk about sex again. And talk and talk and talk…

“After forty years of separately developed approaches to sexuality, reunified Germans struggled to establish a working moral consensus, a sexual code for the new Germany.”

Huh? If you have to struggle at it, what’s the fun? Whatever.

“We really don’t have more orgasms in the GDR. Not me, anyway, because I have to work up to 12 hours a day and that doesn’t leave much time for love.”

Before and after

Same newspaper, same issue, same photographer. Only this story…

is about the ultra-conservative religious and rassist Tea Party wacko right attacking our (as in Germany’s) President Obama himself.

And this one…

meanders around a bit before coming to the stunning conclusion that this grass-roots conservative movement is much more diverse and multilayered (and larger) than European observers have perceived it to be up until now.

Funny how newspapers can be like that, online or not. Maybe it was a slow news day. But was that second article absolutely necessary? That kind of stuff only confuses folks once they’ve read the first article, well, first.

Die gibt es natürlich darunter, doch das konservative Sammelbecken ist vielschichtiger als man in Europa bisweilen wahrnimmt.

Talk about gag

I mean PR gag, of course. Berlin’s a tough town, man. It’s dog eat dog here. Why it’s so dog eat dog here that it’s man eat man.

A website advertising a new restaurant has called for potential guests to donate their body parts – for later. But that’s understandably a, well, tender subject here because a Berliner was murdered and partially eaten by a cannibal not all too long ago.

I cannibalive it.

“I am assuming it is a misguided joke. But it is disgusting.”

Germans sceptical about delaying discrimination process

Chalk it up to German efficiency, but a new pilot program to test anonymized job applications here is being met with great scepticism.

Meant to reduce discrimination against people with immigrant backgrounds, women and others, German employers are clearly disgruntled about having to put off the prejudice until interview time.

Strange, isn’t it? Otherwise fanatical about protecting identities here, when it comes to hiring, German employers just can’t know enough about the applicant.

If you’ve got a name like Mehmet or Neylan, there’s a good chance your application will be answered with a rejection letter.

The economy really must be booming again

This is by far one of my top five if not my absolute favorite scam here.

Although the political class in Berlin still pretends as if workers in Germany will actually be working until they are 67 in the future before being able to retire here (the system – or the demographics – she is broken, Señor), last year’s Vorruhestand (early retirement) numbers shot up 10,000 over the previous year, making it the highest number of early retirees (171,129) to throw in the towel (early) over the past six years.

Don’t get me wrong, though. These folks had to retire early because they were sick. Honest. No, not sick of working. Most of them had one of those newfangled, you know, psychological-like ailment-type sicknesses. But don’t worry. They’re feeling better already.

Der weitaus größte Teil – rund 64.000 Menschen – habe aufgrund einer psychischen Erkrankung in den vorzeitigen Ruhestand gehen müssen.

Grüne Acres

More strange geometric patterns apparently created overnight in German corn fields by, uh, aliens. Or at least by out-of-towners. Or, well, maybe not.

All together now!

“Green Acres is the place to be.
Farm living is the life for me.
Land spreading out so far and wide.
Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.”

Sie ist nicht von der These des Bürgermeisters überzeugt, dass es sich bei den Tätern um auswärtige Besucher handeln muss.

I like this guy

He’s so… German. You know, so provocative? I mean so Besserwisser-like (know-it-all) provocative? And in this case it’s all the more provocative because he’s provoking other Germans. You may not agree with everything this guy has to say, but it’s hard not to like someone who so clearly bends over backwards to be poltitically incorrect. And this is somebody from the SPD, mind you.

German Central Bank board member and former Berlin finance boss Thilo Sarrazin is now bringing out a book called “Germany is Abolishing Itself” in which, among other things, he warns of foreign infiltration/domination in Deutschland (wow, that’s a new one) – only this time of the Muslim kind. Yikes. The International Jewish Conspiracy is an established fact. But now the freakin’ Muslims are moving in? Like, I had no idea.

Die reine Lust an der Provokation treibe ihn zu „immer fragwürdigeren und menschenverachtenden Aussagen.“

Vacation Nation

At least they waited until the vacation season was over. In what can only be seen as an attempt to stage a hilarous end of summer practical joke, the spokeswoman for a small business entrepreneur association has actually suggested that Germans go on vacation too much and that they should cut their annual leave time down from six weeks to four.

Cutting vacation time in Germany? Hardy, har, har. That’s a good one.

Es gibt Themen, bei denen verstehen die Deutschen keinen Spaß.