Now that playing paintball is about to become a felony here in Germany, many Germans are worried about today’s somewhat vicious knife attack at the Albert-Einstein-Gymnasium in St. Augustin and fear it could cause a political backlash that might just lead to the complete Verbot of eating utensils in their country and the end of civilized eating behavior as they now know it.

Otherwise quite fastidious when it comes to eating with tools, Germans everywhere nevertheless understand that the possible outlawing of all knives, forks and spoons within the home would only be done so with their own best interest at heart and would help in the ongoing national struggle to prevent any further lowering of the threshold of violence already quite palpable at many a German dinner table.

“16-Jährige nach Messerattacke auf der Flucht”