Finally, Some Good News

US nukes in Germany are getting modernized!

Bomb

US set to upgrade controversial nukes stationed in Germany – The US has stored nuclear bombs across Europe as a deterrent against Russia — including in Germany, where parliament voted in 2010 to withdraw the bombs. But for now, they are here to stay — and set to be modernized.

Americans activate the nukes, Germans deliver them. What could possibly go wrong?

Thanks, Party Folk

Or Volk, if you prefer. Thanks to you a total Corona lockdown is virtually assured now.

Corona

Confusion, defiance and parties in the park: A postcard from Berlin under coronavirus lockdown – Police had to break up several so-called “Corona Parties” on Monday evening, where hundreds of students had bought cases of Corona beer and gathered in parks.

In Berlin zum Beispiel sind die Clubs zwar geschlossen, trotzdem treffen sich viele Jugendliche einfach in Parks zum gemeinsamen Trinken.

But Don’t Panic

When it comes to the coronavirus, Angela Merkel tells her fellow Germans.

Merkel

The population has no immunity, she points out. There is no therapy. 60 to 70% of you will be infected with it. BUT DON’T PANIC!!!

So, there. I said it. Now it’s back to the bunker for me. You promised.

The German daily Bild recently slammed her for what it called “the corona chaos,” claiming “No appearances, no speech, no leadership in the crisis.”

Czech Prime Minister Andrej Babis, Reuters reported, was later asked about Merkel’s comments. “I don’t want to comment on the situation in Germany, although I believe that such statements rather cause panic,” he said. “In any case, we have adopted strong measures for such worst-case scenarios to be out of the question.”

German Of The Day: Humbug

That means humbug. Only it’s pronounced hoomboog. This is German, after all.

Humbug

Germans don’t know who she is yet. Geez. Are they always the last to know?

Naomi Seibt aus Münster erklärt den Klimawandel zum Humbug. That means Naomi Seibt from Münster says the climate change is humbug.

The rest of the article, as you can imagine, explains how this “controversial international star” (from Germany) is a bad thing. Person, I mean. Pronounced purrsown.

Naomi Seibt aus Münster erklärt den Klimawandel zum Humbug. Damit ist sie international zum umstrittenen Star geworden – auch wegen ihrer Affinität zur politischen Rechten. Wer ist diese 19 Jahre alte Frau?

German Of The Day: Hamsterschlacht

You already know about Hamsterkauf (panic buying). Now the Germans have upped the ante and are doing “the battle of the hamsters.”

Hamsterschlacht

Aldi customers are getting up early in the morning to get in line so they can fight each other  to purchase disinfectant. Only three products per customer may be purchased, however (doesn’t sound like much of a hamster battle to me). Everybody’s doing it these days. It’s that coronavirus kinda feeling!

Sie stehen dicht an dicht. Dutzende Kunden warten morgens an einer Aldi-Filiale auf die Eröffnung des Ladens. Der Grund: Desinfektionsmittel!

A Communist Kangaroo?

This can only be a German production. Or a Berlin one, I should say.

Kangaroo

The Kangaroo Chronicles, a quartet of comic novels by slam poet Marc-Uwe Kling that has sold millions of copies in Germany over the last 10 years, is a classic man-meets-beast buddy story in the vein of Seth MacFarlane’s 2012 comedy Ted – only that its animal protagonist is mainly vulgar in the Marxist rather than the foul-mouthed sense…

His only liability, in terms of electoral optics, could be a fatal addiction to booze-filled pralines – and the marsupial pouch in which he keeps his copy of Mao’s red book…

The film, directed by Swiss filmmaker Dani Levy, shows the communist marsupial team up with Berlin locals against Jörg Dwigs, a Trump-style property tycoon and founder of the fictional AzD (“Alternative to democracy”) party: a classic “the people v the elite” narrative, which the German far left has found more difficult to adopt than its counterparts in Britain, America or Southern Europe.

Ha, Ha, Ha

“Few Germans afraid of coronavirus?” They “feel the country’s health officials have the situation under control?”

Corona

Which Germany are you referring to? Talk about fake news – brought to you tonight from German state TV channel ARD. Please remember this when you read up on Germany and the coronavirus again in a few weeks. You’ll be surprised to see how quickly and abruptly the rosy numbers they are publishing here can change.

Few Germans afraid of coronavirus – Most Germans are not overly worried about the coronavirus outbreak and feel the country’s health officials have the situation under control. But they’re more divided on accepting refugees and Germany’s political makeup.

The Tweets They Are a-Changin’

Sooner or later reality raises its ugly little head.

Tweets

“We need orderly conditions at the EU’s external border,” one tweet from the German interior ministry in Arabic, Farsi, English and German went.

Another one was “We will use our best efforts to support Greece in achieving this. Europe’s borders are not open for #refugees from #Turkey, and neither are our German borders.”

The German government – anxious about the political consequences of a “repeat of 2015” – is tolerating Greece’s decision to suspend asylum claims at its borders and has launched a social media campaign to deter Syrian refugees from embarking on a journey to central Europe.

“We don’t want a repeat of the year 2015.”

Where’s Angela Merkel been hiding out these days?

German Of The Day: Reiche Erschießen

That means “shoot the rich.”

Nothing new, of course. But it is kind of odd that we are hearing this suggestion TODAY and that it’s coming from a member of a “harmless” political party German voters routinely turn a blind eye to – a blind left eye, by the way: The Left Party. You know, the successor party of the East German Communist SED? It is currently forming state governments all over the Mystical German East as we speak, by the way.

“The energy turnaround is also necessary after a revolution. And even after we’ve shot that one percent of the rich it will still be the case that we will need to heat our homes, that we will need a means of transportation.”

“Energiewende ist auch nötig nach einer Revolution. Und auch wenn wir das eine Prozent der Reichen erschossen haben, ist es immer noch so, dass wir heizen wollen, wir wollen uns fortbewegen.”

What Is Germany Doing?

Hiding, of course.

Germany

You know. Once burned twice shy and all that?

Migrants stuck on EU doorstep: What is Germany doing? – Turkish President Erdogan has effectively scrapped the refugee accord with the EU, threatening that millions will come. Refugees are appealing to Merkel for help, but Berlin remains firm that the EU’s borders are closed.

Some refugees hold signs asking for help from German Chancellor Angela Merkel. After all, the chancellor rescued refugees in Hungary from a similar situation by letting them come to Germany. Refugees on the border with Greece are now hoping for the same.

But Germany in 2020 is not the country it was in 2015. Looking back, Merkel acknowledges there was a “loss of control.” The chancellor has since described the open borders that allowed hundreds of thousands of people to pour into the country as a “mistake” that should not be repeated.