Steinmeier First President Ever To Put Parliamentarians Asleep During First Half Of Swearing-In Ceremony

In a refreshing twist on the rather staid traditions of German presidential swearing-in ceremonies of the past, Germany’s new president, Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD), broke with protocol and chose a speech that put a large number of German parliamentarians asleep a mere seven minutes into the ceremony.

Steinmeier

“Wah?” said one startled representative from Rhineland-Palatinate as a Bundestag usher gently nudged him awake. “Good point. I couldn’t agree more!”

Steinmeier is regarded by many in Berlin as possessing the qualities necessary for the office of president: He is boring, ineffective, mediocre in every way and… Boring.

“Germany needs strong leadership, especially in the current situation.”

Forbidden Terrorist Organization?

So much for Verbote (bans) in Germany.

PKK

On the one hand, nobody has any problem refusing to let Turkish ministers hold pro-government rallies here, but when the outlawed Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK) organizes a demonstration with 30,000 protestors carrying their banned party symbols, that ain’t no big deal, either.

How could Erdogan and Co. possibly think that there is a double standard being applied here, right? Wow. Do the Germans really think that this is going to contribute in helping to bring Erdogan under control? Erdogan wins big with this one.

Die PKK ist in Deutschland seit 1993 als Terrororganisation verboten. Erst vor kurzem hatte die Bundesregierung das PKK-Verbot ausgeweitet und auch das öffentliche Zeigen von Öcalan-Porträts untersagt.

Childless Chancellor Concerned About German Reproduction Rate

Distraught by her countrywomen’s rotten reproduction record, childless German Chancellor Angela Merkel has called an emergency demography strategy summit in Berlin.

Population

“What’s with these Luschen (duds)?” The cranky chancellor asked her clueless ministers. “I mean, this isn’t rocket science we’re talking about here. Don’t they, you know, show them films and stuff at school about this, you know, kind of thing? Even I’ve seen films like that, you know. Once, I think.”

I think Germany is below average in terms of the help provided to young people. And Germany is certainly below average in the attitude that women with children should not work. In most countries it was like that 50 years ago but not today. That is just very detrimental to fertility.

Your Fifteen Minutes Are Up, Martin

According to Andy Warhol, as you all know: “In the future, everyone will be a popular German chancellor candidate for 15 minutes.” So you can move on now, Martin Schulz (SPD). You’ve done your time.

Schulz

In the latest poll taken by ZDF-Politbarometer, 44 percent of those asked said they would support Martin Schulz for chancellor in the coming election. The same number would also support Angela Merkel, however. Last month the numbers were 49 percent for Schulz and 38 percent for Merkel.

Im ZDF-Politbarometer sprechen sich bei der Frage, wen man nach der Bundestagswahl lieber als Kanzler oder Kanzlerin hätte, jetzt 44 Prozent für Merkel und ebenfalls 44 Prozent Schulz aus. Vergangenen Monat hatte der SPD-Mann mit 49 Prozent noch einen deutlichen Vorsprung vor der Amtsinhaberin, die nur auf 38 Prozent kam.

Turks Kick Off New Tourism Campaign To Lure Germans To Turkey By Calling Them Nazis

Its tourism sector taking a real battering this year for some inexplicable reason, Turkish authorities are now attempting to lure German tourists to Turkey by calling them Nazis.

Turkey

“Please come visit our beautiful country, you Nazi swine,” a representative of President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said yesterday in Berlin. “You are the infidel scum of the earth worthy to be put to a horrible death by slow roasting and will enjoy to the fullest our fascinating culture, stunning beaches and helpful, friendly personnel, all at an unbeatable low price.”

At the ITB fair in Berlin, 132 Turkish companies under the auspices of the Turkish Culture and Tourism Ministry will have the chance to promote the campaign.

Two From Togo To Go?

Two violent and drunken asylum seekers from Togo (Syrian migrants, I assume) who smashed up their asylum center because of the lousy mobile phone reception there?

Togo

To go back home to Togo, I mean? Right. Wahrscheinlich (probably).

A German police officer has been severely injured in a weekend riot by drunken refugees armed with iron bars who smashed their accommodation centre to smithereens. Two men from Togo and six from Ghana went berserk at their asylum home in Rees-Haldern, near the Dutch border a DAY after moving in because they were ‘unhappy’ with their quarters.

„Die Infrastruktur gefiel ihnen nicht und es gibt dort wohl Netzprobleme was den Handyempfang angeht.“

Can I Have My False Pleasantries Back?

German facial expression of the day: Staring.

Stare

Oddity 34. You know you are in Germany when you regularly find yourself being stared at for no clearly discernible reason. I don’t know if Germans necessarily like to stare but they sure do it a lot.  A nice term a friend of mine prefers using is “unfiltered curiosity” but it’s staring all the same.

But it’s a wonderful trait: Firstly, you know the person is listening intently (they really are); secondly, since it’s very difficult to look someone in the eyes and speak coherently and come up with pleasant little white lies, the false pleasantries vanish and the conversation becomes honest and true – leading toward a final deep dive into the other’s soul.

Abdalfatah H. A. Will Not Tell Germans What The H. A. Stands For

And with good reason. His true identity might be used against him. He is a Syrian refugee who just got arrested on suspicion of having committed war crimes.

Police

As we all know, Germany will allow anybody from anywhere in the world to enter the country as a Syrian refugee (no passport or other identification needed) but being a war criminal who is believed to have killed 36 people might slow down his asylum seeking process considerably. And that would be inhumane.

German police are currently investigating some 30 cases linked to war crimes committed in Syria and Iraq.

Living Up To Contractual Obligations Causing Angst

Concerned about possibly turning Germany into a military superpower again by raising its defense spending from 1.3 to 2 percent of its gross domestic product (as agreed to by Germany many years ago in NATO), Germany’s foreign minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) says that this could cause angst elsewhere in Europe, and most certainly at the German ministry of finance, and therefore maybe ought to be put off for an other 10 to 15 years or so. Or maybe longer. It all depends.

Gabriel

Angst is a terrible thing, people. And so is Verarschung (being bullshited). But angst is worse, I guess.

“Für Deutschland unrealistisch.”