Russia Trying To Destabilize Germany But Germany Still Way Better

Germans were shocked upon learning today that Russia is trying to destabilize German society with propaganda and cyber attacks ahead of next year’s general election, many fearing that the unwanted foreign competition could stifle their own government’s efforts to do the same.

Russia

“The Russians should mind their own damned business and concentrate on destabilizing their own society,” one irate commentator said. “We have the will, the means, the experience and the elected and non-elected officials to do so on our own, thank you. And we’re talking ‘made in Germany’ quality here, people. So go take a flying leap at a rolling pirozhki already.”

The warning was the bluntest public claim yet from Germany’s BfV agency about Moscow’s alleged campaign of disinformation and hacking targeting Europe’s biggest economy.

At Least They Got The Dominatrix Part Right

I love Conan O’Brien. But I have to agree with this article here that his show didn’t seem to get much right during his trip to Berlin (to be aired tonight). When it comes to Berlin, I mean.

Dominatrix

The US comedian came to Berlin in the summer to shoot material for an on-the-road version of his show. Word has it he visited some of the capital’s grungier clubs and generally took in the city’s alternative scene. So why to God does the teaser to his show involve him dancing in lederhosen to the music of a moustachioed accordion player? It is about as accurate as a German going to Honolulu and filming himself line dancing in cowboy garb.

“Me going to a dominatrix seemed like it would be compelling. And it turned out to be even more compelling because she didn’t treat it like a joke! She wanted to put things inside of me and do things to me, and I kept trying to stop her but keep it on the line where it would still be comedic but not break my marital vows.”

German Of The Day: Angemessen

That means appropriate or suitable.

Angemessen

You know, like the appropriate or suitable compensation that the German government will now how to  pay to  the power companies it expropriated after the infamous (and ongoing) Fukushima Panic Attack of 2011?

Of course what this appropriate or suitable compensation will actually end up being once the non-atomic dust settles is quite another matter. Something tells me it’s going to be a whole lot. Hey, nichts ist umsonst. There is no such thing as a free lunch.

SPD-Vize Stegner gibt Merkel Schuld für Milliardenentschädigung.

Meet The New Crisis

Same as the old crisis. So like what, me worry?

Crisis

“I think there is no need to talk about a euro crisis,” German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble said after Italian voters defeated the referendum on constitutional amendments. “I think we should see the situation in Italy with a certain calmness. That is how democratic and constitutional processes work in the member states. The Italians have decided, that is to be respected. They will make the best of it.”

I admire his serenity (Greece, Brexit, Italy…). And I’d also like to know what kind of tranquilizers this guy is on.

Die Lage in Italien heute besser als vor zwei Jahren.

Just Reach Out To Refugees

Fearless Leader says. Before they reach out to you, I guess she means.

Rape

Yes, this is one isolated case. Albeit one particularly disgusting one. And one which the growing hordes of “deplorable” Germans out here now perceive as being among an ever-increasing number of them. This is also one that will be hard for the state media channels to ignore. So it will be interesting to see how they will manage to ignore it anyway (you have to read a bit further before finding “the suspect reportedly came from Afghanistan as an unaccompanied refugee” here,  for instance).

Die Medizinstudentin war auf ihrem Fahrrad auf dem Rückweg von einer Studentenparty, als sie am Ufer der Dreisam vergewaltigt und getötet wurde. Als Todesursache stellte die Polizei Ertrinken fest.

Is It Time For More Outrage Yet?

About the evil NSA spying on poor, defnseless Germany again?

BND

“What’s new is that German intelligence not only used the NSA spy tools, but has also been involved in its programming for years.”

Unter den insgesamt 90 Gigabyte an Dokumenten soll es demnach Beweise geben, die die Zusammenarbeit zwischen der amerikanischen National Security Agency (NSA) und dem BND belegen. „Einige Dokumente zeigen, wie Geheimdienste Wege finden, um an der eigenen Regierung vorbeizuarbeiten“, heißt es unter anderem in der Mitteilung. Dabei gehe es auch um die aktive Beteiligung des BND an der globalen Massenüberwachung.

German Moon Mission A Hoax

A German Lunar X-Prize team’s announcement that it plans to send two mobile probes to the Moon to inspect the lunar rover left behind by the Apollo 17 mission has been exposed as a hoax because everybody knows that these Apollo moon landings never took place in the first place.

Hoax

The team hopes to land its probes about 2 to 3 miles (3 to 5 km) from the touch down site of Apollo 17 in the Taurus-Littrow valley. From there, the vehicles will drive to within 200 meters (656 feet) of the Apollo rover and inspect it remotely…

The Google Lunar X-Prize requires its competitors to land their probes on the Moon in 2017, which gives us something to look forward to next year. Once the probe sends back its high-definition pictures of the lunar rover, you can happily show them to your annoying Moon Truther friends.

If It Works For You

Just let me get this straight. This married father of four German spy guy of Spanish descent is a onetime gay porn actor turned secret Islamist extremist mole?

Spy

Hey, it’s hard to find steady work these days.

Two weeks ago, German intelligence agents noticed an unusual user in a chat room known as a digital hideout for Islamic militants. The man claimed to be one of them — and said he was a German spy. He was offering to help Islamists infiltrate his agency’s defenses to stage a strike. Agents lured him into a private chat, and he gave away so many details about the spy agency — and his own directives within it to thwart Islamists — that they quickly identified him, arresting the 51-year-old the next day. Only then would the extent of his double life become clear.

Enttarnter Islamist war Darsteller in Pornofilmen.

Fearless Leader: “Russian Cyber Attack Ain’t No Big Deal”

It was only 900,000 users, after all. For only a day or two. And is probably only just the beginning, so don’t worry. Be happy. And now sitzen machen!

Merkel

Cyber attacks from Russia are now so common that Germany must learn to cope with them as part of daily life, Chancellor Angela Merkel said Tuesday, after Europe’s top economy suffered its largest ever online assault.

She then moved on to more pressing matters. Like preparing to take a tough stand on the UK for Brexit or worrying about hate-speech on Facebook. Stuff like that.

“Such cyber attacks, or hybrid conflicts as they are known in Russian doctrine, are now part of daily life and we must learn to cope with them.”