After yesterday’s devastating surprise Easter attack on Bundeswehr military vehicles in the southeastern German city of Dresden, German politicians have decided to move all remaining Bundeswehr forces to the more stable northern regions of the country.

Although under pressure by the NATO to station more German combat troops in southern Germany to help fight the German peacenik-led Easter insurgency there, officials maintained that such a risky military presence would simply not be politically viable at this time.

After Easter vacation, Chancellor Angela Merkel is expected to visit German troops stationed at an undisclosed location in the north, provided she can find them of course, and will stress Germany’s strong commitment to reconstruction efforts in that once war-torn country so very long, long, long ago.

“The official could not give details of her movements for security reasons but said she was not expected to travel to Kabul, or Kiel.”