International Islamic financial crisis worsening in Germany

Clearly hurting due to a lack of international terror funding brought about by the global financial crisis, and not enough Google Adsense revenue having come in from last month’s apocalyptic tirade, German Islamic terrorist Abu Talha „Where’s the money“ al-Almani has released another Internet video in which he decried the current shameful lack of German terrorist solidarity as a “current shameful lack of German terrorist solidarity” and called for immediate increased spending by German Muslims the world over.

 

 Is this the same thing as the Islandic financial crisis?isis

 

His new tirade, entitled something like “Islam in Big Financial Crisis You Me More Money Send” (his Arabic is not that good yet, but neither is mine), al-Almani stressed several times that “We have nothing to fear, but the lack of fear itself,” and warned that if funds don’t come in soon, “The only way out of this mess will be by building an economic system based entirely upon the Koran, only this time for real.”

 

This would of course include a ban on all types of interest payments (so far so good), no more trading in “abstract goods” like currencies and commodities (except oil, of course) and the introduction of dried camel dung as the universal method of payment. Paying for stuff with damp camel dung would still remain prohibited, for now.

 

Al-Almani, a former German business mathmatics student, went on to say that Germany has been spared so far, but that he and other money-less Mudschahidin like him will keep sending scarry video messages like this on a regular basis anyway, just to keep folks here on their infidelic little toes or something, or at least until some cash starts coming in.

 

Reliable sources have verified that Mr al-Almani does indeed plan to release a third video sometime soon, provided of course he can find a solvent sponsor with enough camel dung, uh, on his hands.

 

„Am Ende des Bandes hat er bereits die nächste Rede angekündigt. ‘Was der Westen dem Islam alles verdankt’, wird sie heißen. Es steht zu vermuten, dass sie ähnlich wirr ausfällt.“ 

It’s always 80 percent here

Some 80 percent of Germans polled by Die Welt have welcomed the talks that just took place between Mr. Teflon former German chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and Iranian President Mahmoud the Moody Ahmedinijad themselves, in Tehran, in Iran, in the official land of Holocaust denial, right before Ahmedinijad’s bid for reelection.

 

Will you be my ole buddy, too?

 

It’s always 80 percent plus approval here if it has anything to do with Schroeder. He is the guy that said no to America before America ever asked (Iraq), for instance (that was a reelection issue, too, by the way), and he is single-handedly seeing to it that Germany keeps getting all the gas it needs. From Russia, I mean, from his buddy ex-President current-Czar Vlad the Glad Putin.

 

Is there anything wrong with this picture? Nope, not in Germany there isn’t. When were 80 percent of those asked here ever wrong? Even when they weren’t asked, I mean.

 

“Nur das Auswärtige Amt schweigt.”

Cyber what?

This real war stuff is like so von gestern (yesterday). That’s why the Germans want to move on and do cyber warfare instead. You can cut costs that way, in a big way (except when it comes to your real weapons sales) and the Americans won’t always be moaning at you to finally start shooting at somebody because you already are, sort of. Well you are virtually, I suppose, and that’s close enough for the Bundeswehr.

 

Cyber warfare this.

 

Recent cyber attacks from friendly nations like China have alarmed the German Government, you see, and that’s why the Bundeswehr is forming this new cyber warfare unit whose 76 members will singlehandedly protect the nation from future attacks of this nature while simultaneously learning how to take down enemy countries at the same time, cyberneticly speaking.

 

Why do I get the distinct feeling that the Germans are going to be really good at this type of thing? I’m telling you, it’s going to be just like the Chaos Computer Club all over again, only this time in uniform. But the uniforms won’t fit very well because of the regulation pizza they’ll have to eat.

 

„Bei der im Aufbau befindlichen Abteilung Informations- und Computernetzwerkoperationen arbeiten derzeit schon 76 Mitarbeiter.“

The next rescue package just arrived

Rescue packages being in these days, even al-Qaida  is getting into the picture, at least in Germany. Some guy calling himself Abu Talha the German, whose wish has been “to blow myself up for Allah since 1993″, has introduced his own plan to save the German economy or “forces”, as he puts it, in Afghanistan, of course.

 

 

 

 

“We believe the video is authentic,” said a spokesman for Germany‘s Federal Criminal Police Office. “Although we’re not so sure about the dubbing part.”

 

 Man kann sich vor Rettungspaketen kaum noch retten.