Or at least they think they do when they accidentally get caught by German naval personnel in the Gulf of Aden and then get dumped off in Kenya quicker than you can say “shiver me timbers” (the last things Germans want to do is open up their own private Guantanamo somewhere – where, on Sylt?).

These are smart pirates, see. They went out and got themselves a German Larry the Lawyer kinda guy who is now suing the German government for any damages and hardships his peg-legged clients may have incurred as a result of getting so rudely arrested und unceremoniously cast away like common criminals like that. And we can only begin to imagine just how considerable that sum is going to be. It will include “material and immaterial damages”, after all. They’re starting out with 10,000 euros, but everybody knows that that’s just chump change and that the blue Kenyan sky is the real limit.

„Jeder materielle und immaterielle Schaden, der meinem Mandanten durch die unrechtmäßige Überstellung an Kenia entsteht, muss erstattet werden.“