The Wild Boar Is The One Without The Gun

I knew that German wild boars were tough hummamuffers but I had no idea they were this tough.

Boar

This was like the Bonnie and Clyde of wild boars or something. If you read this report (really, really fast without paying too much attention to the words like I did) you will discover that this pair of pigs robbed a bank, ripped a man’s car off, ate somebody’s finger, then smashed the car before being ambushed by law officers near Sailes, Louisiana.

Looks like they got Clyde, too. Those no good #!?\ߧ!s.

Police confirmed on Facebook that two “grown, aggressive wild pigs” have been running through Heide city centre since around 9am local time.

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German Of The Day: Gleichberechtigung

That means equality, emancipation, equal status.

Gleichberechtigung

You know, like with prison personnel? Although that’s not quite what this female correctional facility employee got as she accompanied a sex offender during his accompanied prison leave. She got sexually abused instead, before the guy hung himself.

Let women staff accompany convicted sex offenders on the outside? Why, uh, of course. You got to go with the times, bro. Only an outdated primitive like myself would think that maybe that might not be such a terribly good idea.

Wie konnte es zu der schrecklichen Tat in Niedersachsen kommen? Warum musste ausgerechnet eine Frau den verurteilten Triebtäter begleiten?

Evil US-Amerikan FBI Snooping In Purely German Matters Again

And providing needed proof for the German judiciary system that evil German homegrown spy agencies lke the BKA are clearly not able to provide (because they’re nicer, or at least less evil).

Murder

Like the IP address of the German psycho killer who killed a little German boy and a German friend of his. In Germany. That seems about right. That part about killing his friend. With friends like the FBI you don’t need enemies. Or vice versa.

“Über das FBI haben wir dann seine IP-Adresse bekommen.”

Airbusted

Here’s the latest big corrupt German corporation (OK, European corporation) valiantly fighting coruption – within ist own corrupt corporation.

Airbus

After getting caught, of course. And here we thought they were all straight up and flew right, right? Deutsche Bank, Volkswagen, Airbus, etc.

“We are in this situation because we decided last year to disclose the issues we had ourselves uncovered to government authorities and investigation agencies,” he said, adding: “This was the right course of action.”

Airbus im Korruptionssumpf – Schwarze Kassen und dubiose Deals: In mehreren Ländern laufen Ermittlungen gegen den Airbus-Konzern. Dem Unternehmen drohen wegen diverser Altlasten aus der Vergangenheit Strafen in Milliardenhöhe. Noch ist offen, ob auch gegen Konzernchef Tom Enders ermittelt wird.

German Of The Day: Netzwerkdurchsetzungsgesetz

That means… Beats the hell out of me. I think it means something like Internet Enforcement Law.

Mass

At any rate, it’s this really clever new law pushed through by German Justice Minister Heiko Mass (SPD) – a particularly lame duck because his party is now history after last week’s election – that forces Internet companies like Facebook to remove “obviously illegal” posts (whatever that means) within 24 hour or pay big fines. This takes care of “hate speech” forever, see? Brilliant.

Of course it will also take care of a lot of posts that will have nothing at all to do with hate speech but will be blocked anyway by these companies. Just in case, you know?

Free speech ist not quite as free as it used to be in Germany. But it’s worth it, right?

Kritiker bemängeln, dass die Rechtsdurchsetzung in private Hände gelegt wird, und sie fürchten ein “Overblocking“: Die Betreiber könnten im Zweifel lieber zu viele Inhalte entfernen, um nicht mit dem NetzDG in Konflikt zu geraten. Dadurch gerate die Meinungsfreiheit in Gefahr.

 

German Of The Day: Gesichtsverhüllung

That means face shrouding or face disguising.

Gesicht

And as of today it is against the law to do so in Austria. It’s a burqa ban, so-to-speak. Too bad about all those other clown masks out there that people like to wear, though. And Halloween is coming up soon too, you know.

The restrictions are aimed at ‘ensuring the cohesion of society in an open society’, it says, and violations will be punished with a fine of up to €150.

Ähnliche Burkaverbote gibt es auch in Frankreich und Belgien. Der Europäische Gerichtshof für Menschenrechte hat in zwei Urteilen festgestellt, dass das Verbot rechtens ist.

Speaking Of German Efficiency…

Sure, border control authorities losing 48 of the 51 illegal migrants (undocumented migrants?) they placed in their detention facilty is certainly a tough act to follow but I live in a place called BLN (that’s how some folks refer to Berlin here) so let’s give it a try.

Polizei

In Berlin they like to take things a level higher, you see. Take the police, for instance. Please. Berlin has the only big city police department where the robbers break in and nobody seems to care. Thieves broke in to Berlin’s police headquarters near the Airlift Memorial in Tempelhof on Monday night and stole some militaria. The cops tried to keep a lid on it, of course, but the Lügenpresse got their hands on the story someehow.

I don’t care much about this robbery, either, I must say. House break-ins have risen dramatically in Germany these past years but the police have increased their solve rate to around two percent of the cases. So, like, what on earth is there to worry about?

Getting back to German Efficiency; the thieves are the really efficent ones here. But that’s only because they are rarely German.

“Wenn jemand hier einen Anschlag plant, rennt er durch, und keiner der dort Angestellten wäre fähig, es zu verhindern.”

German Of The Day: Familienzusammenführung

That means family reunification. And that is what 390,000 Syrian asylum seekers in Germany have now been granted.

Familien

Meaning? Meaning, of course, that 390,000 Syrian families (families, not individuals) still in Syria will now be given asylum in Germany, too (probably to include Cousin It, Uncle Fester und the neighbor’s dog). They will only be staying here temporarily, however. Just like the first wave that organized this second one, see? So it ain’t no big deal or anything. And the German government has money to burn. Or sure seems to.

390 000 Syrer dürfen ihre Familien nachholen.

Gazprom Gerd Gets A Raise

You’ve got to have principles. As many as possible. For all eventualities. Take former German chancellor Gazprom Gerhard Schroeder (SPD), for instance. Please.

Gerd

His nomination to the board of Rosneft, Russia’s largest oil company – majority-owned by the Russian government – is breathtaking in its brazenness. You can’t really call it a sell-out, however. This guy sold out long ago.

Rosneft is under Western sanctions over Moscow’s role in the Ukraine crisis. By pure coincidence, Schroeder, who calls Vladimir Putin his friend, has regularly criticized any moves to impose sanctions on Russia.

I know it’s hard to take an unpopular stand sometimes, especially when it is unethical, mercenary and just plain wrong, but he certainly is consistent here, at least.

“Schröder macht sich zum russischen Söldner.”

PS: Germany is predictably outraged about this (not) (or not particularly). But rest assured that if this had been a US-Amerkan oil company there would have been hell to pay.

German Of The Day: Migrationshintergrund

That means migrant background.

Police

And that is what the groups of thirty to fifty young people (a more strongly coded code word) had in common as it came to violent clashes with the police at a Volksfest in the little German town of Schorndorf. Other visitors at the Volksfest, these specifically of Iraqi and Afghan background, were arrested in connection with three cases of sexual assault.

Personally, I’m convinced that the victims provoked these attacks again. There’s a popular German saying here: Other countries, other customs. Germans are just a little slow when it comes to adopting these other customs, that’s all.

Unstrittig ist, dass es am Freitag und Samstag insgesamt drei sexuelle Belästigungen gab und dass in diesen Fällen gegen Iraker und Afghanen ermittelt wird.“