Category Archives: Hypocrisy

We don’t take in just any innocently held enemy combatant terrorist type, you know

May 10, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: Leave a comment

Germany still has a few questions it needs to have answered before it can decide to say no to taking in the Guantanamo prisoners the United States is now trying to relocate for our sins, so-to-speak (or was it their sins?). I’ll try to answer these as best I can.

Guantanamo must go, but not here.

“Firstly: is it sufficiently certain that these people pose no danger?” My answer: No, it isn’t. That’s one reason why they were in prison.

“Secondly, why can’t the United States take the people concerned?” My answer: We, like Germany, now prefer a more international solution to the problem.

“And thirdly, is there any relation to Germany?” My answer: No, no more than there is a relation to Lithuania and Portugal, but you moaned about Guantanamo so loud and so long we figured you might want to take this opportunity to finally do something about it.

Any further questions?

„Innenministerium fordert Sicherheitsgarantien für Guantanamo-Häftlinge”

Fragen kann man

May 4, 2009 By in Hypocrisy 1 Comment

You can always ask. And ask we did.

It's off to Germany for you, punk.

The United States has made a formal request to Germany to take in some prisoners held at its military prison in Guantanamo Bay, a spokesman for Interior Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble said on Sunday.

Too bad they have already said no before ever being asked, à la Gerhard Schroeder, so don’t hold your breath or anything. It’s not like the Germans ever held their breath when it came to their outrage about Gitmo, of course. But now that they have the golden opportunity to right some of those dreadful, horrible wrongs, well, they’ve gotten quite quiet about the matter.

“The United States bears the primary responsibility here.”

It’s all over but the cryin’, I mean the two tiers

May 1, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Leave a comment

Full support? As in the full metal jacket kind?

Which tier is this?

“The Taliban fighters know that military engagement in Afghanistan is especially controversial in Germany. They also know that the political leadership in Berlin has done little to prepare its own country for an ugly mission with more injuries and deaths. German politicians, to speak in general terms, are afraid of Afghanistan — and of (this fall’s) German election. Taliban fighters know all this, which makes Germany a ripe target. Now the government’s insistence on a two-tiered Afghan mission has come back to haunt it. There are no two tiers in Afghanistan — no safe, good-hearted mission in the north as opposed to the mean mission in the south. The German military is in Afghanistan to secure the country. To achieve this goal it will need the full support of Germany’s politicians.”

No financial crisis here

April 28, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: Leave a comment

Cool weapons, don’t you think?

Panzer for peace!

Too bad we (as in we Germans) can’t use them, or won’t. We’ll sell the hell out of them, though, despite our well-known pacifist sensibilities. Our sales have gone up some 70 percent over the past five years, as a matter of fact. But nobody talks about that here because, well, nobody talks about that here.

Germans only get enraged about their dead militaristic past. That’s easy. The clear and present (and present) militaristic one is taboo. That’s easy, too, see? Sure, you get the obligatory newspaper report like this one from time to time, but any of you living here long enough (more than three or four weeks) must have noticed by now that an “issue” like this probably won’t even make it to the Tagesschau (the nightly state-run news). And even if it does, it’ll only be one of those one night stand, low priority billig (el cheapo) stories, because, well, it is.

Nope, no outrage and Entrüstung (outcry) about the Aufrüstung (arms build-up) here. Not a single political party here will pursue it and make it an issue, not even the Left party. If these were American parties it would be because they’ve been bought. Nope, nobody here wants to address the sad fact that the only reason you (as in you Germans) have a Bundeswehr is so it can serve as an alibi to allow you to sell your incredibly lucrative weapons – third largest exporter in the world, by the way. That would be an inconvenient truth, you see. So I understand, sort of.

Hello? Bitte kommen (do you read me)? I know you’re out there Germany, I can hear you breathing. Whatever. See you around the next time the next report comes out, for a minute or two.

„Deutsche Rüstungsexporte legen um 70 Prozent zu“

Obama doesn’t mispronounce nuclear

April 8, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 3 Comments

But he does think that Austrian is a language. Funny how things like that don’t matter anymore, don’t you think? Well they don’t over here. But, then again, Germans don’t speak Austrian, either. They’re just less apologetic about it.

 

“If you read FactCheck.org (or have ears and a brain) it is apparent that Mr. Obama makes just as many mistakes/tell lies as the dearly departed Mr. Bush. Is there a point at which you expect the naive, bright-eyed young things that voted for Mr. Obama to transition into becoming mean, angry cynics like me? If so, when will this occur? Or am I mistakenly assuming these kids are even paying attention anymore?”

 

“I don’t speak Austrian.”

Obama to move Turkey to Europe

April 6, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 1 Comment

His wonders never ceasing, President Obama is now said to be planning to move Turkey to Europe during a live television broadcast from Las Vegas which could be aired sometime later this year.

 

Hi there, turkeys.

 

After saying that Turkey’s membership to the EU (that country technically not a part of Europe) would be an important symbol of cooperation between the West and the Muslim world and thereby pissing off our new-real-good-buddies-again France and Germany who are seemingly less than impressed about the thought of having to cooperate that much, aides close to the President said that he is beginning to lose his patience with their recalcitrance and is planning the physical relocation of the massive Eurasian landmass “up north” with a mere clap of his hands, thus alleviating the problem. “This just in case Germany and France don’t like chill already,” one aide said.

 

Rumors that White House staffers have already made contact with David Copperfield could not be substantiated but sources close to Criss Angel say that this is the kind of Mindfreak that’s right up his alley (or ally?).

 

“A strong partnership requires shared responsibility.”

Bush in black?

April 1, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: Leave a comment

Gerhard Schröder had his “reasons”, is Angie going to jump on the bandwagon now, too? Or is she already long gone down that road – ist der Zug schon abgefahren (did this train already leave the station)? It is a campaign year here in Germany after all, you know.

 

Remember the way we were?

 

“Mr. Obama speaks of a global crisis that demands global responses. For the Germans, this is indeed a global crisis — but one that must be resolved primarily by the U.S., since it originated there. Therefore, German finance companies that became entangled in dodgy speculations are seen as weak victims who were seduced, while the clever American seducers who caused the real-estate bubble must now be punished.

Now the victims are claiming the right to say “no” to new stimulus packages. And they are demanding that the U.S. never again be permitted to seduce — that it be constrained by “more transparency on the financial markets, which Germany called for long ago,” as Mrs. Merkel says.”

“Before the Iraq war, George Bush succeeded in splitting Europe into the old and the new. In the financial crisis, the Continent is unified in its opposition toward his successor, Barack Obama.”

The W Word

March 23, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: Leave a comment

“The host was absent when German Defence Minister Franz Josef Jung held a press conference at the Kabul headquarters of the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan recently.

ISAF’s commander, General David McKiernan, apparently had something better to do – unusual considering Jung is defence minister of the third-biggest supplier of troops and the fourth biggest donor nation in Afghanistan.

The snub dates back to the last joint press conference held by the two men in the late summer of 2008 when the US general used the ugly word ‘war’ in Afghanistan, much to the annoyance of Jung.

Germany had been studiously avoiding the term when speaking of the unpopular deployment of its troops in the landlocked Asian nation. Since then the two men have avoided each other in public.

McKiernan’s absence could be considered trivial were it not symptomatic of a more general problem: Germany’s influence in Afghanistan and among its allies there has deteriorated markedly.”

What’s in a word?

Old Europe reaching out for New Iraq’s even newer money

February 18, 2009 By in Hypocrisy Tags: 3 Comments

It’s simply breathtaking how suddenly how interesting Iraq has become for Old Europe nations like France and Germany. No sooner does President Obama take office than “stablisation” starts stabilizing the hell out of everything down there.

 

 Old Europe calling.

 

Nicolas Sarkozy zipped by for a visit to Baghdad last week. Now Frank-Walter Steinmeier himself, Germany’s Foreign Minister and losing chancellor candidate in Germany’s upcoming election, pulled on his obligatory bullet-proof vest and did his unannounced visit thing to check out the stabilization process first hand.

 

And to kickstart that big business networking made-in-Germany thing all over again, of course. The last visit by a German foreign minister here was back in 1987. The Germans made tons of money with Sadam back in those days, you must understand.

 

“My visit shows that we want to support the new Iraq as it moves towards consolidating democracy,” Steinmeier said. “Germany wants to assist Iraq in reconstruction,” he added. “And in handing out lucrative contracts from a country with some of the world’s largest petroleum reserves,” he didn’t say, but thought.

 

The Germans will now open up an economic office in Baghdad with a branch in Kurdish Irbil, both places indescribable hell holes of civil war sectarian violience, chaos and death, just a few weeks ago.

 

“We have seen in the last months important successes in stabilizing the country.”