German Of The Day: Kristallklar

That means crystal-clear. You know, like Germany’s policy of backing the airstrikes in Syria as “necessary and appropriate” – immediately after they have taken place?

Germany

This “hat Hand und Fuß” (has hand and foot = rhyme and reason) as immediately before they took place Germany made clear that it would not participate or support these airstrikes in any way. Being a responsible ally with clear conviction beforehand was apparently neither “necessary” nor “appropriate,” you see.

No one here or anywhere else bats an eye at this strange logic (some would call it a contradiction) much less critisizes it because German policy in matters like these where something is asked or expected of them is always contradictory – and no one here or anywhere else very much seems to care. The German conviction is to freeload, in other words. Or perhaps this confusion is not a contradiction at all, just another complex nuance of the German language.

“We support the fact that our American, British and French allies have taken responsibility in this way as permanent members of the UN Security Council.”

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German Of The Day: Bratwurst

That means bratwurst. Oh, brother. Dopey Americans eating goofy German food.

“It smells like prune juice and beer had a baby.”

Amerikaner mögen Pizza, Burger und Cola. Was passiert aber, wenn sie deutsches Essen probieren? Was halten sie von Vitamalz, Lakritze und Bratwurst? Ein Youtube-Video zeigt die Antwort.

 

German Of The Day: Ausbeutung

That means exploitation. You know, like the exploitation of our planet’s natural resources?

Salad

The nerve of mad German scientists these days. Growing salad in Antarctica like that. They should be ashamed. There are German Greens. Then there are German greens.

Antarctica is not the most likely place to find fresh ingredients for a salad. But German scientists have just collected — and eaten — their first batch of lettuce, cucumbers and radishes from a new greenhouse on the frozen continent.

The shipping container-size greenhouse, called EDEN ISS, was installed in February about a quarter-mile (400 meters) from the research station, which is located on the Ekström Ice Shelf. The food-growing lab is providing welcome fresh veggies for Gropp and his other isolated colleagues during long missions in Antarctica. But EDEN ISS has a loftier mission; the facility is an experiment led by the German Aerospace Center (DLR) designed to test the best methods for cultivating crops for astronauts.

German Of The Day: Wer A Sagt, Muss Auch B Sagen

“Whoever says A must also say B” means if you dish it out, you have to be able to take it.

And that’s what this pukey little twelve-year-old environmental polluter had to learn, the hard way. Kids these days. He, of all people, should know that Germans take their garbage separation very seriously. But this little punk had the audacity to toss his empty pizza carton into a public garbage can! Hello? Everybody over here knows that you are not allowed to put your own private Hausmüll (domestic refuse) into a public garbage can! Oh, you didn’t know that, either? It was news to me, too. But still.

Anyways, the nasty little delinquent got charged ten euros on the spot and had to shell it out pronto-like or else. Serves him right. I think. It has to do with zero tolerance or something.

Ein Außendienstmitarbeiter des Ordnungsamts beobachtete ihn, stellte einen Strafzettel aus und kassierte die zehn Euro Ordnungsgeld. Zusätzlich soll der Stadtwächter der Mutter gedroht haben, sie für das Parken auf der Bushaltestelle zu verwarnen, wenn die zehn Euro nicht bezahlt werden.

German Of The Day: Entschädigung

That means compensation.

Fucking

Hey, what’s in a name, right? The sex site Pornhub has published a YouTube video in which it offers the Austrian town of Fucking – along with a few other towns also having interesting names (listed below) – lifetime free access to its content.

It’s called the Premium Places Program and is meant to help soothe the mental anguish these poor townsfolk must have to go through.

“Where were you born, son?” “You got married where?” “And just where is this cemetary located?”

“In Fucking, Austria, I said. You deaf or something?”

Auch La Vagina in Italien, Orgy in Frankreich, Rectum in den Niederlanden, Bitsch in der Schweiz (Kanton Wallis) und Cumming in den USA gehören unter anderem zu den auserwählten Orten.

German Of The Day: Länderfinanzausgleich

That’s a beauty, isn’t it? And it means “German Länder fiscal equalization scam.” I mean scheme.

Länderfinanzausgleich

And THAT means.. Well, think Robin Hood. The rich and therefore “bad” German states (the ones on the left in the image) must be punished for this and therefore the Robin Hoodlums in the Bundestag take some of their money and give it to the poor and therefore “good” German states (on the right side of the image). Berlin, on top, is actually on bottom, so-to-speak, being the poorest of the poor. The Robin Hoods and the Bundestag are located in Berlin, by the way. But that’s just a coincidence, of course.

The theory being, I’m assuming here, is that this kind of completely unjust robbery and redistribution will encourage the poor “good” German states to finally get their acts together already so the rich “bad” German states don’t have to pay their bills anymore. That’s just a theory, like I said, of mine. I must say, though, this redistribution initiative has certainly had a positive effect here in Berlin these past thirty, forty, fifty years. Once you ignore the fact that not a thing has changed.

Berlin Schlusslicht, Bayern Zahlmeister.

Spring Has Sprung

And twisted an ankle or something.

Spring

And this German Bauernregel (farmer or folk saying) doesn’t sound very promising, either: „Wie das Wetter um den Frühlingsanfang, so hält es sich den ganzen Sommer lang.” As the weather begins in spring, all through the summer will be the same thing. Dumb-ass farmers.

Eiskalt kehrt der Winter zurück.

German Of The Day: Oligarch

That means oligarch. Take former chancellor Gerhard “Gazprom Gerd” Schroeder, for instance. Please.

Gerd

Sanctions aimed at key individuals can be surprisingly effective, it turns out. They help to undermine internal support for the regime or at least its most unattractive policies.

One oligarch, though, remains overlooked. Arguably he is the most important of all. That’s former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder

Mr. Schroeder has been a one-man Trojan horse against every European Union commitment to curb Russian energy leverage and improve the competitiveness of its gas market. Notice that the alternative was never to shut Russian gas out of Germany. It was simply for Germany, at every step, to stop lending itself to the enhancement of Russia’s energy power, with Mr. Schroeder leading the influence brigades.

Schröders Engagement in Russland und Nähe zu Putin, den er einen Freund nennt, stößt seit Jahren auf Argwohn. Im vergangenen September ließ sich der Altkanzler allen Einwänden zum Trotz zum Aufsichtsratsvorsitzenden des halbstaatlichen russischen Ölkonzerns Rosneft wählen.

German Of The Day: Aneinander vorbeireden

That means to talk at cross purposes. In this case when German politicians use the same word in different ways – gehören (meaning both to belong to and ought to belong to).

Islam

In an interview with the German newspaper BILD Seehofer said: “Islam is not a part of Germany. Germany has been influenced by Christianity. This includes free Sundays, church holidays and rituals such as Easter, Pentecost and Christmas. However, the Muslims living in Germany obviously do belong to Germany.”

This statement conflicted with the position of German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Merkel said, even though Germany has been influenced mainly by Christianity and Judaism, there are more than four million Muslims in the country, they “belong to Germany and so does their religion.”

Hey, depending upon how you look at it, Germany does not belong to Germany. Neither does Christianity belong to Germany. Let’s not even start with Judaism. So I think Horst Seehofer is right on the money when he says that Islam does not belong to Germany, either. What’s the big deal? We’re all not in this together, folks.

Da muss man schon präzise sagen, was mit dem Ausdruck “gehört” eigentlich gemeint sein soll. Das kann man ja als schlichte Bestandsaufnahme oder Feststellung meinen: Man gehört zu einer bestimmten Familie oder einem Verein an. Man kann es aber auch so verstehen wie bei der Formulierung: Kinder gehören zeitig ins Bett. Dann bekommt die Aussage eine Sollens-Komponente und erhält eine ganz andere Bedeutung. Und drittens könnte die Frage angesprochen sein, ob der Islam die Bundesrepublik Deutschland in ähnlicher Weise geprägt hat wie das Christentum. Je nachdem, mit welchem Akzent man das Wort “gehört” verwendet, bekommt dieser Satz einen anderen Sinn. Diese Unterschiede werden in der politischen Diskussion leider nicht beachtet, und deswegen redet man munter aneinander vorbei. Das ist vorhersehbar und langweilig.

German Of The Day: Verliererin

That means loser. In feminine form.

Kundin

A German federal court has rejected a customer’s demand for her bank to include the feminine form of words such as “account holder” on official forms.

The Federal Court of Justice ruled Tuesday that plaintiff Marlies Kraemer hadn’t suffered any discrimination under German law from her bank’s use of the “generic masculine” on forms, a common practice. The German language adds a suffix to turn nouns into feminine form. In the case of account holder, “Kontoinhaber” becomes “Kontoinhaberin.”

Kundin bleibt Kunde: Klägerin unterliegt im Formularstreit.