No, they’re not stand-up comedians. As a matter of fact, they don’t stand up for anybody, not even the judge. But the chances are good that they’ll be sitting for quite a long time to come, even by German standards.

The so-called Sauerland cell is now facing charges in Germany of conspiracy to murder, plotting to launch explosive attacks and membership in a terrorist organisation. Tipped off by evil US American security services, German spooks had been keeping them under surveillance for months before busting them big time in 2007. The German Islam converts and company had purchased 12 barrels of hydrogen peroxide and were arrested in their vacation home/bomb factory preparing attacks on American targets in Germany.

Some may wonder how ordinary Germans could have been recruited for an Islamic holy war crusade like this. I wonder were all the other ordinary ones like them are still hiding. Or do they even have to hide at all anymore these days?

“Ich stehe nur für Allah auf.”

Clearly hurting due to a lack of international terror funding brought about by the global financial crisis, and not enough Google Adsense revenue having come in from last month’s apocalyptic tirade, German Islamic terrorist Abu Talha „Where’s the money“ al-Almani has released another Internet video in which he decried the current shameful lack of German terrorist solidarity as a “current shameful lack of German terrorist solidarity” and called for immediate increased spending by German Muslims the world over.

His new tirade, entitled something like “Islam in Big Financial Crisis You Me More Money Send” (his Arabic is not that good yet, but neither is mine), al-Almani stressed several times that “We have nothing to fear, but the lack of fear itself,” and warned that if funds don’t come in soon, “The only way out of this mess will be by building an economic system based entirely upon the Koran, only this time for real.”

This would of course include a ban on all types of interest payments (so far so good), no more trading in “abstract goods” like currencies and commodities (except oil, of course) and the introduction of dried camel dung as the universal method of payment. Paying for stuff with damp camel dung would still remain prohibited, for now.

Al-Almani, a former German business mathmatics student, went on to say that Germany has been spared so far, but that he and other money-less Mudschahidin like him will keep sending scarry video messages like this on a regular basis anyway, just to keep folks here on their infidelic little toes or something, or at least until some cash starts coming in.

Reliable sources have verified that Mr al-Almani does indeed plan to release a third video sometime soon, provided of course he can find a solvent sponsor with enough camel dung, uh, on his hands.

„Am Ende des Bandes hat er bereits die nächste Rede angekündigt. ‘Was der Westen dem Islam alles verdankt’, wird sie heißen. Es steht zu vermuten, dass sie ähnlich wirr ausfällt.“