Tag Archives: Terrorism

Disinformation in da nation

October 4, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Let me repeat: No threat here. Not in Germany. It can’t happen here. It’s verboten or something. You would have to get an official Genehmigung (authorization) first and you know how long it takes to get one of those. So stop hyperventilating and relax already.

Forget reports about possible Al Qaeda terrorist attacks planned (being planned?) for Berlin’s Central Station, the TV Tower or Hotel Adlon. That’s all a bunch of American alarmist nonsense, honest (we’re talking about a FoxNews report here, after all). Sure there are “internal measures” being undertaken here in Germany right now anyway (whatever that means), just in case, but what’s that got to do with anything?

So move along and go quietly about your business (are your eyelids getting heavy yet?) and listen to what the Onkel (uncle) Interior Minister tells you.

„Für Alarmismus besteht, jedenfalls zur Zeit, kein Anlass.“

US, Western, it’s all the same to me

September 29, 2010 By in Hard Facts Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Die Welt says it was a United States intelligence service, Der Spiegel has to call it Western ones, of course.

Who cares, as long as it’s true. Drone attacks in Pakistan are thought to have thwarted a terror plot that is believed to have targeted multiple countries, including the UK, France, and Germany.

Those drones sure are yucky, aren’t they?

“The U.S. has shared intelligence with European allies in recent days and is working with our key partners in order to disrupt terrorist plotting, identify and take action against potential operatives, and strengthen our defenses against potential threats.”

McDonald’s, Subway, it’s all Google to me

March 8, 2010 By in Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Everybody’s out to get me these days, or my data. Out to get them I mean, actually, over here in Germany.

It’s bad enough that Google is googling the very streets they live on. Now, if a German wants to open up a McDonald’s or a Subway franchise, he or she has to let these potential employers know shockingly private and even intimate matters about him or her selves.

You know, private and intimate stuff like “were you ever directly or indirectly involved in terrorist activities.”

Needless to say, everybody over here is totally empört (shocked) about the matter. No, not so much about such indiscrete questioning like this, they’re shocked that a German would actually sink as low as to want to open up a McDonald’s or a Subway franchise.

Die Bewerber haben sogar Auskunft zu erteilen, ob sie “jemals direkt oder indirekt an terroristischen Aktivitäten beteiligt” gewesen seien.

Are you sure you want to delete these files y/n?

March 3, 2010 By in Habeas Corpus, Hi-tech, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Sicher ist sicher (better safe than sorry). At least when it comes to deleting data saved in Germany to combat terrorism and serious crime. Delete the stuff, in other words – can we delete the Street View stuff while we’re at it?

Germany’s highest court overturned a law that let anti-terror authorities save data on telephone calls and e-mails for a limited time. Now the big delete button has to get pressed – or maybe just the regular delete button, but lots and lots and lots of times.

This law is a “grave intrusion” into personal privacy rights or something and must be revised. Most likely because grave terrorism and serious crime never take place here, right? It’s nice living in Wunderland.

The ruling did not overturn the European Union anti-terrorism directive on which the law is based, but may lead to its reassessment later this year.

“The fears are completely ungrounded”

December 28, 2009 By in Hi-tech Tags: Leave a comment

Why are there no naked scanners in Germany? Because Germans are all privacy protectionists, you nekkid fool.

But there might be hope for them (us?) yet. And not just because of Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab’s attempt to blow up Delta Airlines flight 253 for Christmas. These new real modern naked scanner machine thingies have been changed so that body dimensions like, you know, genitals, can not be distinguished – no matter how distinguished they are.

„It is advised to get to the airport early.”

“Relatively harmless support actions”

October 14, 2009 By in Habeas Corpus Tags: 2 Comments

Terror doesn’t pay in Germany, not directly anyway. And not always.

Terror doesn't pay, not all that well.

That’s right. Justice has prevailed here once again. Two radical jihadists supporting the Sauerland Cell really pissed off German judges yesterday when it was revealed that they had tried to get their welfare and unemployment benefits transferred to a terrorist training camp on the Pakistan-Afghanistan border they planned to train at.

Clearly enraged by this, the court promptly convicted the two men to two incredibly severe 33 and 14 month jail sentences. German law clearly stipulates that you can only continue to receive your welfare and unemployment benefits while attending terrorist training camps here in Germany.

The “relatively harmless support actions” these two were involved in, helping to try and car bomb as many American targets in Germany as possible, was bad too, don’t get the court wrong, but blatant welfare fraud? That kind of thing practically never happens here in Germany and has to be nipped in the bud.

“Sie werden bald wieder draussen sein.”

Allah together now!

September 21, 2009 By in Hysteria Tags: 3 Comments

Sing along with us! We’re threatening you again, Germany, and this time (the fourth time) it’s for real, this threat is, that is, honest. And we really mean it too no fooling for real.

That’s right. Germany is on edge again today (as it is every day), only this time it’s after receiving a fourth consecutive al-Qaeda video warning threatening an imminent bomb attack in Germany unless the government withdraws its troops from Afghanistan, which it is already planning to do of course, as quickly and thoroughly as it possibly can, although not quite all too publicly just yet, and everybody here knows this you see. So go figure. Dumb terrorists.

They (the terrorists) still don’t know just how “crudely pacifist” Germans really and truly are. As writer Thea Dorn rightly (writely?) described in last week’s Zeit (Vulgärpazifismus – where’s the link, you pacifist Zeitpeople types, huh?), unlike in other countries and cultures, freedom is free in Germany. As soon as it starts to cost anything, or even appears to, they’re outta here, or there (Afghansitan) in this case.

The terrorists don’t have to do anything here, in other words, so they won’t. They’re not really dumb, in other words. And I hope they didn’t take an offense in me saying that they were up there in paragraph two. Peace, brothers.

“The threats were aimed at German voters ahead of next Sunday’s general election and were being taken seriously by the security authorities.”