Tell me what to do, oh Wahl-O-Mat…

Normally quick to panic and even hyperventilate when anything even remotely suggesting mind control is placed in their midst (at least when it is perceived to have come from you-know-where), Germans everywhere are getting all warm and fuzzy this election year about a nifty new online device which will actually tell them who and what to vote for.

Wahl-O-Mat matters.

That’s right; the Wahl-O-Mat is not evil because it comes from here. And the general election is coming up and, well, like last-minute Christmas shopping, it’s time to rush out there and get an opinion already. And there’s an English version too, thank goodness. So let’s get started, now.

“Wir lassen die Nutzer nicht allein.”

I could’ve been, I mean I am a contender!

Still pretending like he and his SPD comrades have a sliver of a glimmer of a smidgen of a shred or sniff of a prayer of a ghost of a chance of doing well in Germany’s upcoming parliamentary election, Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier is boldly going where no man in his position has never not gone before and taken the offensive by claiming that everything is wide open and that “we will keep it open and win in the end.”

Honest I am!

Just how he plans to do this when only about 25 percent of Germans polled would even consider voting for the Social Democrats is not clear, but you have to admire him for doing the only thing left open for him to do. Actually you don’t have to, if you stop and think about it, but still.

„The party drew a record-low 20.8 percent of the vote in European parliamentary elections a week ago.“

All dressed up with nowhere to go

After the latest decimation of German Social Democracy as we (which means you) know (or knew) it, SPD chancellor candidate Frank-Walter Steinmeier made a pretty sorry showing on the German TV politico-talk show Anne Will last night. He looked so, well, so lonely.

Frank's my name, becoming chancellor is my game.

Yesterday’s EU election slug fest (in more ways than one) left the German SPD at a heart-warming all-time low of 20.8 percent of the vote. And so what if only 43% of the Europe-weary electorate even bothered to turn up? It’s the thought that counts.

Mr. Steinmeier must certainly being doing a lot of thinking about things these days at any rate. Things like: What was I thinking of or how did I get here or how the hell do I get out of here again? You know, thoughts like that.

„Ich bin Kanzlerkandidat der SPD, der Kanzler werden will.“