Category Archives: Humor

German of the day: Aufstand

December 13, 2023 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

That means insurrection.

The Germans just had to have one of their own, of course. And I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but their insurrection was even more ridiculous than ours was. 27 old farts were going to “overthrow the German government.” Silly old farts too, They didn’t even know that Germany doesn’t have a government. Or that when it does it just overthrows itself.

Germany charges 27 suspects over Reichsbürger coup plot – German prosecutors have charged 27 suspects after carrying out raids against the far-right Reichsbürger movement last year.

For the first time after a series of raids last year, federal prosecutors in Germany on Tuesday brought charges linked to an alleged coup plot hatched by members of the far-right “Reichsbürger” movement… Also charged was the entrepreneur and aristocrat Heinrich XIII Prince Reuss, who is alleged to have been the ringleader.

“An extremely hairy man covered with dirt?”

August 26, 2023 By in Hard Facts, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

That’s no Wolfsmensch (wolfman). That’s the German Green’s Minister for Sustainable Agriculture (see him collecting those nuts and berries there?).

But why isn’t he in Berlin? Doing his freakin’ job there? What the hell is he doing in the Harz Mountains? Another government boondoggle, no doubt.

Mysterious naked ‘wolfman’ spotted in Germany’s Harz mountains – A terrifying image of a strange naked “wolf man,” who authorities think has lived in the woods for at least five years, was taken on Tuesday by hikers in Germany’s Harz Mountains.

Mud Metal

August 3, 2023 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

It’s one of the heaviest metals there are. Even though it’s mud.

Wow. I heard a lot of these fans were wondering why their coffee tasted so muddy. Turns out it was freshly ground… A lot of them used to be addicted to mud wrestling, I’m told. But they’ve been clean now for years… Also heard about this big male cow that got stuck in mud near the stage. Terra-bull… I’ll be here all week, folks.

Germany’s Wacken metal festival halts admissions after persistent rain turns site to mud – The Wacken Open Air heavy metal festival in northern Germany is opening on Wednesday with a reduced audience after persistent rain turned the grounds to mud and forced organizers to order a halt to all new arrivals.

Organizers of the famed music festival in the village of Wacken, in a rural area northwest of Hamburg, had already told fans on Tuesday that no more cars and trucks could be admitted to the site because camping areas, the grounds and access roads were in poor condition because of heavy rain in recent days, and more was expected.

German Of The Day: Umarmung

May 26, 2023 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Humor Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

That means hug.

Frankfurt: A driver joined the convoy of Chancellor Olaf Scholz in his private car without authorization and hugged him after getting out without bodyguards intervening in time.

This incident raises significant questions.

Question number one: Why would you want to hug that guy? Question number two: Nope. That’s it, actually. I don’t have any other questions.

Healing The Wounds Of German Colonialism

May 19, 2023 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

In a country Germans never set foot in, much less colonized?

Seems like there’s just never enough guilt to go around these days. But hey, if it makes you feel good, I mean virtuous, run with any guilt you can find (or steal, or make up).

But you know, personally, I think sending Nigeria 20 Greens instead of 20 Bronzes would have been a much nicer gesture.

Germany had hoped that by returning 20 Benin Bronzes to Nigeria last year it was “healing the wounds” of colonialism and righting a historic wrong.

But when it emerged that ownership of the repatriated objects will pass to the king of Benin rather than the Nigerian state, Berlin found itself facing a PR nightmare.

“The government has recklessly consigned African world heritage to oblivion. The pieces will vanish into the private possession of a Nigerian king.”

“This should be a wake-up call to end the hyper-moralism in the whole restitution debate.”

German Of The Day: Horrorszenario

May 3, 2023 By in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor Tags: , , , Leave a comment

That means horror scenario.

Horror Scenario – Germany Prepares for Possible Re-Election of Donald Trump.

Berlin is preparing for the possibility that Donald Trump could beat Joe Biden in the next election. That outcome would likely be a disaster for Ukraine, NATO and the looming climate crisis. Diplomats have begun establishing contacts with the former president’s camp to avoid being blindsided as they were in 2016.

“The Germans are bad, very bad.”

People Try To Put Us Down

April 24, 2023 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Humor Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Just because we st-st-stick around.

Don’t wanna move from this location. Talking bout my Last Generation!

I’m shocked. And stunned. That 1) this could still be considered “news” and 2) that anyone anywhere could possibly find it of any interest.

German climate protesters glue themselves to Berlin streets – Last Generation climate protesters have caused widespread traffic disruption in the German capital. “We will no longer accept that the government has no plan to stop the destruction of our livelihoods,” the group said.

The Mighty German Bundeswehr Is Threatening Russia

February 3, 2023 By in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, History, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

With tanks that don’t roll, aircraft that don’t fly, ships that don’t sail and broomsticks instead of guns.

The Bundeswehr couldn’t threaten its way out of a paper bag, Vlad. But tanks for the backhanded compliment anyway.

Putin says Russia faces German tanks, just like at Stalingrad, but hints that this time Moscow has nukes – Russian President Vladimir Putin on Thursday leveled another veiled nuclear threat in relation to the war in Ukraine as he ripped into Germany for providing battle tanks to Kyiv, while comparing Russia’s unprovoked invasion of its next-door neighbor to the Soviet Union’s fight against the Nazis during World War II.

EU Can Do

December 23, 2022 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

What does it matter that the EU can’t even control its own borders, create a common defense, organise vaccines, agree on a data protection law, control money laundering, unite properly over practically all major issues, agree on one location to seat its government, sanction its own misbehaving members, actually get rid of daylight savings time after having announced it got rid of daylight savings time many years ago… And so very, very much more?

Its bureaucrats, technocrats, kleptocrats and all the other crats mean well and have their hearts in the right place. So, sure, who could be better qualified to place Twitter under direct supervision? Other than Big Brother himself. I mean herself. You know what I mean. Whatever kind of self Big Brother might have these days.

EU should put Twitter under direct supervision after missteps: German official – A senior German official said on Thursday Twitter should join other tech firms in being directly monitored by the European Commission, saying the company’s erratic behaviour under new owner Elon Musk posed a threat to free speech.

“The power of the big platforms over public discourse needs necessary safeguards so that fundamental rights are effectively protected.”