German Of The Day: Stinkefinger

That means stinky finger. You know, as in the finger?

Stinky

SPD boss Sigmar Gabriel recently got some Sommerloch good press by doing what is generally considered to be a bad thing. Only he was flipping off neo-Nazis who were heckling him so that made it a good thing.

Getting in a little more mileage out of it, he has now said in an interview that his only regret is not having used two stinky fingers (no, not the peace sign, he means two hands).

“Ich habe nicht beide Hände benutzt.”

PS: A Sommerloch or summer hole is the “silly season” during summer vacation months typified by frivolous or unimportant news stories in the media.

Ex-Miss Germany Confirms Ex-Mister Germany Shot By Currently Reigning German Cops

An ex-Miss Germany friend of an el wacko former Mister Germany (who denies the existence of the Federal Republic of Germany) has confirmed that he was shot while being evicted from his home (a little place he calls “Primeval Nation”) during a police action in a town that goes by the name of Zeitz.

Mister

Adrian Ursache apparently had started a group of so-called “Reichsbürger”, or citizens of the Reich, who do not recognize the current government of the Federal Republic of Germany and therefore do not believe they should pay taxes or fines.

Up until the cops came to evict him Ursache apparently also refused to recognize the existence of German police weapons, too.

“Adrian war ehrlicherweise immer schon ein bisschen durchgeknallt*, aber dass es so eskaliert, macht uns sprachlos.”

* German of the day: Durchgeknallt. That means cuckoo.

What Germans Do In Their Free Time?

Free time

One popular thing these days is stockpiling food.

Arming themselves is another favorite pastime at the moment, too.

Losing confidence in the future is also big. But that’s always among the the top ten German free time activities anyway so, well, let’s move on (yeah, to the future).

Once they’re done with those they also enjoy window surfing (put that towel down first!), having fights about opening and closing windows and shaking their heads in disgust.

In surveys over the past 25 years, watching TV has been the unchallenged most popular pastime of the Germans. Through the introduction of TV sets in households in 1984, television consumption has continuously increased. This year, 97 percent of those polled by the “Hamburger Stiftung für Zukunftsfragen” said they watch the tube at least once a week – and that it is their favorite leisure activity.

173 Stations

And 166 of them are ugly as sin. That’s Berlin’s subway system for you, folks.

Station

But, hey. Beauty is in the eye of the Schwarzfahrer (“black rider” or fare dodger). So enjoy them already or something.

The city’s U-Bahn system also felt the impact of the Berlin Wall, which divided the city for nearly three decades. Many train lines pre-dated the Wall, so some of the West Berlin lines necessarily passed through East Berlin stations. These stations were closed and guarded, and became known as ghost stations. The guards were visible to the West Berlin passengers as the trains slowly moved through the dimly lit stations.  

Ninjas Not Allowed In School

I meant niqabs, of course (I always mix those two up for some reason).

Veil

A Muslim woman who had been accepted to night school in Osnabrück showed up for class wearing a niqab. When asked to remove it she refused and was subsequently expelled. She then went to court to fight the decision but didn’t bother to show up for a court appointment set to help clarify the matter. The court has now decided in favor of the school.

The whole thing is very schleierhaft, if you ask me. You know, “veiled in mystery?”

Eine Muslima, die an einem Osnabrücker Abendgymnasium mit einem Gesichtsschleier am Unterricht teilnehmen wollte, ist vor Gericht gescheitert.

PS: In a related story, you can now pick up pepper spray at one of Germany’s popular drugstore chains. Supply and demand and the invisible hand. Capitalism is a wonderful thing, folks.

Germans Pissed Off At Smiling Olympic Athletes

Who lose, I mean.

Sieg

The nerve or something. “The Hahner twins Lisa and Anna ended their Olympic marathon race more than 21 minutes behind the winner and more than 15 minutes on their best performance, in position 81 and 82. It looked as though they completed a fun run and not an Olympic race.”

You’re supposed to win, verdammt (dammit)! Stomp the opponent under your Nikes or whatever Olympic athletes wear at a time like this and NOT come across the finish line holding hands and, well, smiling. It’s attitudes like these that make the Olympics seem as if it were supposed to be some kind of an uplifting experience, symbolizing the joy of participating and sharing, a rare occasion when all of humanity comes together as one. You know, fantasy stuff like that.

You want some German of the day, ladies? How about Sieg? You make us Sieg to our stomachs just looking at you. Losers!

“Number 81 and 82 was definitely not what we had hoped for. Whether we are satisfied? No. But crossing the finish line was nevertheless one of our greatest sporting moments.”

Would Kilgore Trout Tell A Lie?

It’s special ebook offer time again already, folks. Deal with it.

Dumb Deutsch

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

Kilgore Trout

German Foreign Office Supports Trump

Poor old Frank-Walter Steinmeier. He never was the sharpest knife in the, uh, cupboard. What is more, as Winston Churchill might have put it, “he is a sheep in sheep’s clothing.”

Trump

But worst of all are this guy’s instincts, or the lack of them. By coming out publicly and saying, as he just did, that the world is too complicated for characters like Trump (implying, of course, that only smart folks like Steinmeier HIMSELF are in the position to keep this complicated world of ours running so wonderfully as it is already) he assures that any American voter who hears this and is not quite sure about whether he or she wants to vote for Trump or not just got that much closer to deciding to do so.

„Die Welt ist wahnsinnig kompliziert. Sie braucht Politiker, die sich ihrer Verantwortung bewusst sind; die helfen, die Welt zu verbessern. Wir brauchen keine Anführer, die unsere Welt noch gefährlicher machen.“

German Of The Day: Butt and Fuchs

Butt is a short form for halibut (although in this case it’s just somebody’s name). Fuchs means fox. Not like anybody cares here.

Butt

Linus Butt and Florian Fuchs were part of a German team that destroyed their Canadian opponents 6-2 in a group stage fixture on Saturday in Rio de Janeiro.

Footage shows the two men standing standing with their backs to the camera during the game with the surnames on their shirts side-by-side.

But Twitter immediately reacted with one user, Kris Kristensen, posting the image along with the caption: ‘This one’s for the 12 year old in all of us.’

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 662 other followers