Suspicious Object Found At SPD Headquarters

And it wasn’t the Schulz effect, either.

Stegner

German police gave an all-clear on Monday at the headquarters of the Social Democratic Party (SPD) in Berlin after it was evacuated due to a suspicious object found in the mail room.

The object, being the face and attached body of SPD federal chairman and state chairman of Schleswig-Holstein Ralf Stegner (aka “the face of defeat”), was found loitering around the mail room, mumbling incoherently (even though there were no microphones in sight), apparently having been looking for fan mail. For hours and hours and hours on end, I assume.

“There was nothing found on Stegner that could have been termed dangerous,” a police spokesman later said as his colleagues led Stegner back outside to put him on a FlixBus to Kiel. “Other than that face, I mean.”

German Of The Day: Vortex

That means vortex. And Germans are terrified by vortexes, you know.

Vortex

But they shouldn’t be terrified by that one. According to this article, few Germans even expect President Trump to finish his four-year term in the White House anyway. So like sit back and relax already. And let the vortex be with you.

Less than 25 percent of Germans think US President Donald Trump will complete his four-year term in office, according to a public opinion poll released Saturday. More than two-thirds of those surveyed said categorically that they believe Trump will be out of office before his term expires in January 2021. The survey was conducted by Civey, an opinion research group, for the daily newspaper Die Welt.

Germany Not To Reach Its E-Car Goal

Nope. Sadly, chancellor Angela Merkel has just announced that Germany will not be able to reach its goal of having at least 20 e-cars on German roads by the year 2020.

E-Car

This extremely ambitious goal, mocked from the start by gas-guzzling German automobile experts everywhere (some 97 percent of the German population), has now been scrapped for a more realistic goal of a nice round non-dirty dozen.

Chancellor Angela Merkel said that Germany will likely miss the government’s target of bringing one million electric cars onto the roads by the end of the decade. The sale of electric vehicles (EVs) has remained sluggish in Germany despite discounts introduced last year and granted to buyers of green cars. In 2016, there were less than 80,000 electric cars on German roads. Experts say German consumers remain reluctant to buy EVs because of relatively high prices, limited driving range and restrictions due to the low number of charging stations.

Merkel: Ziel für E-Autos nicht zu schaffen.

The Turnaround Has Been Achieved

I didn’t think I would be seeing this in my lifetime, folks, but Germany did NOT get last place at the Eurovision song competition last night in Kiev – a century-long Eurovision tradition, as you know.

Deutschland

They came in second to last (thank you, Spain). I can hardly wait for next year’s show!

Ja! Deutschland ist nicht Letzter. Trotz der leichten Verbesserung ist es ein Debakel für die deutsche Delegation, die in unendlicher Arroganz mal wieder alles falsch gemacht hat, was man falsch machen konnte.

Germans Can’t Stop Laughing These Days

This is a real shocker, folks. A new study indicates that 29 percent of Germans laugh less than five times a day or not at all.

Lachen

Wow. They really seem to have made great progress here these past few years. I remember when it used to be 79 percent, or higher.

But, sadly, this is also an indication of the sorry state our troubled world is in: The study also shows that Germans are mostly amused by others’ bad luck (Schadenfreude).

Lachen ist gesund – ein Gemeinplatz. Doch wenn eine Krankenkasse jetzt 15 Minuten herzhaftes Lachen pro Tag empfiehlt, kann das sehr anstrengend sein. Dann sind wir doch lieber unlustig.

What Goes Around Comes Around

What’s worse? Governments that openly deal in stolen information (Germany buying CDs from informants with lists of Germans having Swiss bank accounts) or Governments that spy on governments who do so?

Mole

Ha. Ha. Ha.

German investigators suspect that a mole spied for Swiss intelligence from inside a government office which was trying to catch German tax dodgers… Switzerland objects to the practice of buying data stolen from Swiss banks.

SPD empört über Steuer-Spitzeleien der Schweiz.

Google To Help German Solar Power Fans Find Areas In Germany With More Than Five Minutes Of Sunshine Per Day

Or per week. Per month? Anyway, they’re helping as best as they can.

Solar

Google’s Project Sunroof, which estimates whether homes get enough sunlight to switch over to solar power, is launching in Germany today. It’s the first time Sunroof has expanded outside the US, where it finally reached all 50 states earlier this year after launching in 2015.

Wer überlegt, auf einem Hausdach eine Solaranlage zu installieren, wüsste gerne, wie hoch die damit erzielten Einnahmen sein können. Auf einer von Google und E.ON eingerichteten Seite lassen sich die nun vorab abschätzen.

This Guy Put The Court In Male Escort

A woman who got pregnant after having sex with a male escort in a German hotel has failed in a legal battle to find out his name.

Hotel

Or the rest of his name, genau genommen (to be precise). His first name was Michael. At least it was for that night. But it might also be Jack Flash, Chocolate Thunda or Pogo Stick, depending upon what other night of the week it is. Hard to say for sure (hard for sure to say?).

The woman – not named in the case – said she had got pregnant after staying with “Michael” in a room on the second floor. She now has a seven-year-old son called Joel. The court decided that her lack of detail about the man raised the risk of personal data “simply being released at random.”

Das Amtsgericht München hat entschieden, dass ein Hotel keine Auskunft über einen Gast erteilen muss, der als potentieller Vater für das Kind der Klägerin in Betracht kommt.

Germans To Develop On-Demand Flying Car Service

They’re going to call it Über.

Über

A GERMAN tech firm has vowed to develop a five-seat “flying taxi” after it successfully carried out a test flight of a smaller airborne automobile.

Munich-based Lilium said the planned five-seater jet, which will be capable of vertical take-off and landing, could be used for urban air taxi and ride-sharing services.