More Crappy PC Films But This Time With That Special #MeToo Touch

Which is also a bunch of crap. But maybe that’s just me.

Berlinale

Let the Berlinale begin again or something. That way it will be over quicker. And please note: With special safe space area this year!

The organizers said they had created a special counseling center at the festival where both audience and participants of the festival could go if they experience or witness discrimination, harassment or abuse. 

I’m wacko for Wacko-puffs! Wacko for Wacko-puffs!

Berlinale-Chef Kosslick verspricht “politisch korrektes Entertainment.”

Advertisements

Operation Valkyrie 2.0?

‘We don’t have much time’ Angela Merkel’s youth wing plots to OUST her as popularity drops.

Merkel

Worried that the tiny little bit that is left of the CDU could soon evaporate altogether after Chancellor Merkel’s breathtakingly poor negotiation results in forming the latest grand coalition (the CDU has, in essence, become the SPD – the tail will soon be wagging the dog), a small group of fanatical CDU youth is preparing to implement an emergency continuity of CDU government operations plan as soon as they can figure out a way to bump off the old bag. Politically speaking, of course.

Insiders speculate that incriminating photos of a drugged Chancellor in bed with an even more drugged Martin Schulz ought to do the trick.  Outsiders speculate that there are not enough drugs out there strong enough to enable anybody to look at photos like that.

“Merkel has yielded critical levers in order to buy herself another four years in the country’s top office. Now these SPD politicos, most of whom are relatively unknown outside Berlin, will be the ones to shape the politics of Europe and Germany, the EU’s mightiest member, in the years to come.”

German Of The Day: Dorftrottel

That means village idiot. Dorf = village. Trottel = idiot, get it?

Dorftroggel

Well, some guy who purchased a village in Brandenburg now wants his money back after having taken a closer look at the damned thing. That’s right, a village. In Brandenburg, for crying out loud. With like people living in it and the whole bit. But in Brandenburg, like I said. Brandenburg is a place you leave in Germany, not a place you move to.

Talk about being a Dorftrottel. He wants out of the deal now because he claims that he is not legally competent. How could he be? Village idiots never are. Except in being village idiots, maybe.

The mayor said he met the buyer in December in Alwine. According to local media, the buyer was a little surprised by the crumbling condition of the town, which has now worsened after a recent storm.

German Of The Day: Fremdschämen

That means “external shame.” Second-hand embarrassment, that is, or feeling embarrassment for somebody else – especially when that somebody else is clearly somebody else who knows no shame. Like Gazprom Gerd (SPD), for instance.

Fremdschämen

Now we can cringe at him being in love with what will most likely be his fifth wife and read all about it in the Bunte even though there is no force in the universe that can make me do that but still.

“Wo Schröder inzwischen privat Pipelines verlegt, wissen wir seit September… Der Altkanzler und seine koreanische Freundin Soyeon Kim zeigen uns ihr großes Glück und verraten, wie sie ihre Zukunft planen. Wird sie seine 5. Ehefrau?”

Hey, Your Bus Ticket Is Untied

And it smells funny, too. But that’s not all that out of the normal in Berlin, come to think of it.

Ticket

Adidas has some new sneakers that aren’t just made for walking—they’re for taking public transport, too. The German clothing giant has struck a deal with the Berlin transit authority, BVG, in which Adidas will sell 500 pairs of sneakers that have year-long 2018 tickets sewn into them. An annual BVG ticket for zones A and B, which cover everything within the capital’s borders, costs €761 ($930). The EQT Support 93/Berlin shoes, however, cost just €180.

The cool thing, I think: Now when the BVG bus is late (and it will continue to be late, don’t worry) you can run to work and most likely get there faster, too.

“Most buyers will put the sneakers in a showcase and not travel with them.”

Order Now While The Supply Lasts Or Something

Brain Quest – A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind. Out now!

Brain Quest

“Other than a slight run-in with an errant gang of deviant subculture corpuscles our passage through the blameless victim ventricle proved to be rather uneventful.”

German Of The Day: KoKo

It’s kind of like a GroKo, only it’s a KoKo instead.

KoKo

It’s some crazy new SPD invention – cooperation coalition – to make the folks who just voted them out of office forget about the GroKo they were a way big part of – the main reason they got voted out of office, by the way. KoKo sounds better, I guess. And it isn’t a GroKo anymore, see? So the people will like the KoKo. If they’re coo coo they will. But they’re not. So this word will only be around for a few hours, folks. Enjoy it while it’s here.

SPD und Union ringen um eine neue Bundesregierung. GroKo ja oder nein? Ist „KoKo“ vom Tisch?

PS: Get your free sample of Brain Quest – A Fantastic Voyage through the Progressive Mind today! Do not attempt reading if you have a medical condition.

Heavy Equipment Operator Uncovers Remains Of Ancient Germanic Civilization

An archaeological find under a playground in Hamburg may now prove once and for all that the mythical Germanic “wet ones” culture actually existed.

Civilization

The “wet ones” or “Nassies” (nass is the German word for wet) were thought to be an ancient “Wald” or forest culture that lived high up in the trees whenever the Romans came marching through town. Or village, actually. Whenever it was raining. Which it practically always does here. Right up to this very freakin’ day even.

Many archaeologists had doubted this culture’s existence up until now, however, attributing the many tales still told by the natives about this “super” albeit wet race to the fantastic realm of mythical bullshit. This may now change.

“The history books might just have to be rewritten,” said Herr Henning, the heavy equipment operator who made the find. “And my backhoe sure the hell is going to have to get fixed. That’s for sure. Who’s going to pay for this anyway?”

Baggerfahrer Henning entdeckte das Nazi-Symbol bei der Arbeit.

CNN: Germany Bestest Nation Von Welt

Not like that pitiful loser nation US-Amerika.

Loser

The United States lands with an overall No. 6 ranking in the Anholt-GfK Nation Brands Index, which measures 50 nations in multiple categories, including governance, exports, culture, people, tourism and immigration/investment. The United States was the overall No. 1 in 2016, but Germany took the top spot this year.

Governance, you say? Wow. Just imagine how the Germans would have ranked if they had a government.

“We are witnessing a ‘Trump effect,’ following President Trump’s focused political message of ‘America First.'”