German Of The Day: Hubraum

That means engine displacement or capacity. Or horsepower, if you prefer. You know, like Fridays for Horsepower?

Hubraum

The German Motorists Who Oppose Greta Thunberg – Motorists in Germany are banding together to oppose climate activists’ calls to limit the use of cars. Politicians are taking them seriously because, unlike the Fridays for Future movement and its leader Greta Thunberg, most members of the Fridays for Horsepower group can vote.

“Fridays for Horsepower is a logical and reasonable reaction to the ideological madness of the environmental activists.”

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This Just In: Poor People Have It Tougher Than Those Who Aren’t Poor

Poverty, unemployment and poor education in Germany lead to tougher lives and shorter life spans.

Arbeit

Wow. Who would have thought that? I’m sure thankful that researchers up at the Max Planck Institute in Rostock were able to finally make this major scientific breakthrough. The tons of German taxpayer money that went into this study were certainly well spent. Now maybe something will finally be done to stop poverty here. Apparently no one has been doing anything about it up until now. Thumbs up to you, researchers!

In a related story (see the link at the bottom of the same article), it has also been determined that the older the human body gets the more it weakens and – now get this – that this decline is inevitable.

Armut, Arbeitslosigkeit und schlechte Bildung gehen in Deutschland mit einer deutlich verkürzten Lebenserwartung einher.

German Of The Day: Kater

That means tomcat. But it also means hangover.

Kater

And here you thought that the courts of the country you live in made wacky court decisions (and they do).

A German court has ruled that hangovers are an “illness”, in a timely judgement days after the annual Oktoberfest beer festival began in Munich.

The case landed before judges in Frankfurt when plaintiffs claimed a firm offering anti-hangover “shots” and drink powders to mix with water was making illegal health claims.

“Information about a food product cannot ascribe any properties for preventing, treating or healing a human illness or give the impression of such a property,” the sober ruling from the superior regional court on Monday said.

Ein Alkoholkater ist eine Krankheit. Hersteller von Nahrungsergänzungsmitteln dürfen daher nicht damit werben, dass ihr Produkt gegen den Kater hilft oder ihm vorbeugt, wie das Oberlandesgericht (OLG) Frankfurt am Main in einem am Montag veröffentlichten Urteil entschied.

Save Planet Earth’s Climate?

Hell yes! Count me in.

Climate 1

Climate 2

Clean up my own neighborhood? Nah, I think I’ll pass on that one.

A “Fridays for Future” demonstration will get 40,000 German environmental activists out on the street in no time. A call to clean up the local neighborhood on “World Cleanup Day” might get about 100 to 150 out of bed (here Frankfurt).

These World Cleanup Folks clearly don’t get the deal. Abstract heroics is were the money is – I mean, people are.

Nur rund 1000 kamen zum großen Aufräumen, sammelten vier Tonnen Müll. Am Main, in Sichtweite des Camps der „Fridays for Future“-Macher, verschlug es gerade mal 150 Freiwillige.

They’ll Never Set Foot In Combat

So why on earth would they need combat boots?

Boots

More Bundeswehr humor. It’s a never-ending source of… Fun.

German soldiers won’t get new combat boots until 2022 – German soldiers will have to wait until 2022 to get new combat boots, in a setback that has angered politicians and raised questions about the readiness of the country’s military.

The rollout of the new footwear, which began in 2016, was scheduled to be completed by 2020 but has now been pushed back to mid-2022.

“Boots are the key to everything. You don’t go skiing with a pair of trainers and you don’t go hiking in high heels.”

That Didn’t Take Long

But, then again,  it never does.

Trump

#TrumpNotWelcome trends in Germany after Trump says he’d like to visit ‘soon’ – Merkel couldn’t contain a surprised smile at Trump’s announcement, but social media users weren’t so gracious. The mayor of Trump’s grandparents’ hometown shrugged at the news.

Speaking of Donald Trump’s roots, I really love this little documentary (too bad it’s in German for ya’all). It was filmed before he ran for president and none of today’s  toxicity is there yet. The film makers even treat him like, I dunno, friendly or something (start viewing around minute 47:00). Refreshing, to say the least.

“We’ll be there … we’re very honored by the invitation — and that’s true — and we will be there. Maybe soon. I have German in my blood.”

Donald Trump Threatens Germany With Visit

Clearly worried about his health after confiding to Angela Merkel  during G7 talks that he “has German in his blood,” President Donald Trump announced that he will be coming to Germany “very soon.”

Trump

To seek medical attention, I assume. German doctors probably know best when it comes to getting  “German” out of the bloodstream and why take any chances with a threatening ailment like this.

Let’s just hope it won’t be too late because worrying signs of the blood illness appeared during said talks when Trump grew delirious and called Merkel “a brilliant woman” at one point.

“Ich habe Deutsches in meinem Blut.”

Happy Potato Day

Just in case you didn’t know, Germans have this thing with patatoes. That’s why a group of German agi-taters lobbied to make August 19 Potato Day.

Potato

I guess that makes the rest of us speck-taters.

Not that I’m complaining or anything, I’m just a commen-tater, folks.

The Germans’ insatiable love affair with potatoes – They were once guarded by the king and are sometimes eaten with apple sauce. For Potato Day on August 19, here are some things you maybe didn’t know about potatoes in Germany…

By the way, how can you tell how fast a German potato is going? Check its spud-ometer.

Other Folks Are Making Money With Greta?

Or on her? Off her? Greta HERSELF? How, how… How could anybody be surprised by this?

Greta

They used to call them hipsters. Now they call them hypsters. This stuff is hilarious.

In the meantime Greta Thunberg has the schedule of a supermodel: Press conferences, photo shootings, interviews, speeches in parliaments and appearances at demonstrations alternate at an ever faster rate… Greta Thunberg hat mittlerweile den Terminplan eines Supermodels und Spitzenpolitikers; Pressekonferenzen, Foto-Shootings, Interviews, Parlamentsreden und Demonstrationsauftritte wechseln sich immer hektischer ab.

The sailing yacht passage is also getting harsh criticism because it is one of the most expensive racing yachts in the world, its “Team Malizia” stems from the tax haven of Monaco, the ship belongs to an ominous real estate millionaire from Stuttgart and Greta is being unnecessarily exposed to storm hazards in the Atlantic… Auch die Segeljachtfahrt wird vielfach kritisch kommentiert, weil es sich um eine der teuersten Rennjachten der Welt handelt, weil ihr “Team Malizia” aus Monaco stammt und also aus einem Steuerparadies, weil das Schiff einem ominösen Stuttgarter Immobilienmillionär gehört, weil man Greta unnötig in atlantische Sturmgefahren begibt.

And this is why the public is beginning to doubt the motives of Greta’s backers. Is she possibly the coldly staged product of cleaver marketing strategists who only want to make a profit from the media hype? So wachsen im Publikum die Zweifel über die Motive von Gretas Hintermännern. Ist sie womöglich ein kalt inszeniertes Produkt cleverer Marketingstrategen, die Profit aus dem medialen Hype schlagen wollen?

The “We don’t have time” cooperation is now under suspicion. The company was founded by the successful Swedish public relations manager and stock market specialist Ingmar Rentzhog in 2017. His self-assured goal: To establish the “worldwide largest social network for climate activism” and make as much money in the process as possible. Greta Thunberg was systematically targeted as the figurehead… Die Aktiensgesellschaft “We don’t have time” steht im Zwielicht. Das Unternehmen wurde von einem der erfolgreichsten PR-Manager und Börsenspezialisten Schwedens, Ingmar Rentzhog, 2017 gegründet. Sein selbstbewusstes Ziel: Das “weltweit größte soziale Netzwerk für Klimaaktion” zu schaffen und damit möglichst viel Geld zu verdienen. Als Galionsfigur wird Greta Thunberg dafür gezielt aufgebaut.

There is not conflict of interest between climate protection and making money.
Kein Interessenkonflikt zwischen Klimaschutz und Geldmachen.

Stay tuned or something.

Berlin’s First Driverless Bus Hits The Street…

Killing five.

Bus

Just kidding.

Berlin is already teeming with last-mile mobility options like shared bikes and e-scooters.

Now the city’s public transport company Berliner Verkehrsbetriebe (BVG) is set to add driverless buses to the mix, testing its first autonomous shuttles on a public road this month.

The BVG has been testing the self-driving bus, developed by French company EasyMile, in the confines of a campus for the past year. This month it will face real-world traffic conditions on a 600 metre stretch from an underground station in the north-western part of the capital.

OK, folks. The key term here is BVG (Berliner Verkehrsbetriebe), the city’s public transport company. The joke around town is that BVG actually stands for Bin Vorsichtshalber Gelaufen or “decided to walk, just in case.” They’re not terribly reliable here, you see.