Nice Try, Gazprom Gerd

You can run, Gerhard Schröder, but you can’t hide.

Schroeder

More and more people in Germany are voluntarily wearing face masks in public, as seen here with former chancellor Schröder and his partner.

Immer mehr Menschen in Deutschland tragen in der Öffentlichkeit freiwillig Schutzmasken. Wie hier Alt-Kanzler Schröder mit seiner Lebensgefährtin.

A Communist Kangaroo?

This can only be a German production. Or a Berlin one, I should say.

Kangaroo

The Kangaroo Chronicles, a quartet of comic novels by slam poet Marc-Uwe Kling that has sold millions of copies in Germany over the last 10 years, is a classic man-meets-beast buddy story in the vein of Seth MacFarlane’s 2012 comedy Ted – only that its animal protagonist is mainly vulgar in the Marxist rather than the foul-mouthed sense…

His only liability, in terms of electoral optics, could be a fatal addiction to booze-filled pralines – and the marsupial pouch in which he keeps his copy of Mao’s red book…

The film, directed by Swiss filmmaker Dani Levy, shows the communist marsupial team up with Berlin locals against Jörg Dwigs, a Trump-style property tycoon and founder of the fictional AzD (“Alternative to democracy”) party: a classic “the people v the elite” narrative, which the German far left has found more difficult to adopt than its counterparts in Britain, America or Southern Europe.

Can It Get Any More Evil Than This?

Or sacrilegious? Or blasphemous even?

Naomi Seibt

Somebody called Naomi Seibt is desecrating Greta’s media image. She’s being hyped as the “Anti-Greta” and is, well, you know, trying to hijack Greta’s hype. Out-freakin’-rageous if you ask me. Is nothing sacred anymore? She’s German, you know. That pretty much explains it all. If you get what I’m saying.

I’m sure Greta is a nice girl and I would love to have a conversation with her. I just believe that there is a giant network of people behind her who are out to make a profit. I don’t want to be the marionette of the opposing side, I’m not Naomi at the head of the right-wingers. I just question all the propaganda and the hysteria and reach my own conclusions.

Greta ist bestimmt ein nettes Mädchen und ich würde mich gerne mit ihr persönlich unterhalten. Ich glaube einfach, dass hinter ihr ein grosses Netzwerk steht aus Menschen, die durch sie profitieren wollen. Ich möchte nicht die Marionette der gegnerischen Seite sein, ich bin nicht die Naomi an der Spitze der Rechten. Ich hinterfrage die ganze Propaganda und Hysterie und ziehe meine eigenen Schlüsse.

German Of The Day: Flaschenpost

That means message in a bottle.

Flaschenpost

Message in a bottle thrown into Rhine by German family found in New Zealand – Eight years after throwing a bottle containing a message into the Rhine, a German family has been contacted by New Zealanders who say they found the message 18,000km away. But the finder didn’t give their address.

It almost sounds too, I dunno, implausible to be true.

“We are still totally surprised to have received feedback after all this time. And then of all the places, from New Zealand, our dream destination, to which we have unfortunately not yet been.”

German Of The Day: Rodungsstopp

That means to stop the clearing. Of trees, in this case.

Tesla

That this particular Rodungsstopp could also stop the construction of Tesla’s planned Gigafactory in Brandenburg – and what could turn out to  be the livelihood of 12,000 people – doesn’t seem to interest the greener than green politicians who have sought it.

Tesla has been ordered to temporarily halt preparations for a car factory in Germany after environmentalists won a court injunction on Sunday…

Protesters say the factory is a threat to local wildlife and water supplies…

According to local media reports, Tesla has promised to relocate colonies of forest ants, reptiles and bats, and is working with conservationists. Last month, authorities defused seven Second World War bombs discovered at the site.

Tesla currently has two Gigafactories in the US and one in Shanghai, China.

Der Rodungsstopp an der geplanten Tesla-Fabrik in Brandenburg alarmiert die Wirtschaft: Mehrere Verbände warnen vor Konsequenzen für den gesamten Standort Deutschland.

German Of The Day: Bitch

That means bitch.

Buzz

Remember: Germany is the land of Goethe and Schiller. These two guys are Goethe und Schiller 2.0.

How many ex-boyfriends have you already had, bitch?
Look at me, bitch. Look at what a beauty I am. Ten.
Oh my God!

Honey, how many ex-boyfriends do you have, bitch?
I’m much too young. I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend.
Oh my God!
Ra-ta-ta-ta!

Bitch, how many ex-boyfriends do you have?
I don’t have an ex-boyfriend yet, bitch.
Oh my God!

Hysteria Time

It’s just what the doctor ordered for the morally outraged. More moral outrage. The Nazis are coming back to Germany again or something. And again and again and again. Yawn.

FDP

Thomas Kemmerich, a liberal democrat from the FDP, became Thuringia’s new Minister-President on Wednesday (5 February), thanks to support from the Christian Democrats (CDU) and the far-right AfD– a first in post-war Germany.

So?

The real issue is a sour grapes kind of thang… In the final round of voting, Kemmerich surprisingly edged out the incumbent Bodo Ramelow, from the leftist Die Linke party, who was planning to build a minority coalition with the Greens and the social democratic SPD.

The AfD didn’t so much vote the FDP guy in – a party that will have nothing to do with them, by the way – as vote the red-redder-green folks out. Now that’s outrageous. Scheiße happens, folks.

More outrage here: “A candidate from the democratic center has won!”

Can You Tell The Difference?

Apparently in celebration of the recent trademarking of her name and the #FridaysForFuture movement, climate change activist Greta Thunberg has been turned into a wax statue in Germany.

Greta

No, not her personally. I mean she has been immortalized in sculpture at the Panoptikum wax museum in Hamburg. An interesting twist: Thunberg’s sculpture is reportedly the first in the museum that will change clothes as the seasons change. Kind of odd if you think about it, though. With the temperature rising due to climate change is this going to turn into some kind of bizarre striptease or something? And what about the issue of melting wax, huh? Has anybody given that any thought? Maybe it’s time to start a new movement to combat that. Do I have to think of everything here, people?

Greta 2

Can you tell which one up there is Greta and which one is made of wax? You don’t think both could be made of wax, do you?

What Does SPD Stand For?

Other than Social Democrat Party, I mean. Shekels, Payola and Dough?

SPD

Or is it more like Scratch, Plunder and Dinero?

When not fighting for the rights of the working class and alleviating the capitalist economic oppression of the masses, ex-vice chancellor and national chairmen of Germany’s Social Democrat Party Sigmar Gabriel enjoys doing part-time community service work serving on the supervisory board of the freakin’ Deutsche Bank.

It’s understandable. Sort of. He recognized there was a problem with Deutsche Bank years ago (he wasn’t the first, however) and now only wants to take this opportunity to help them clean things up.

“Deutsche Bank, as one of the most important financial institutions in Europe, has the opportunity and the responsibility to help shape the future of the German and European economy. I want to play a part in this.”