Germans Threaten Americans With Non-Negotiable Friendship

In a sly move calculated to add more leverage to the German position in the on-going trade war troubles with Washington, German Foreign Minister Heiko Maas is now headed there for talks in which he will openly threaten US-Amerikans with “non-negotiable” friendship should they not budge on their demands.

Friendship

Officially there to open the Year of German American Friendship, Maas made no secret about Germany’s intentions. He warned, “Our goal is not to just maintain the relationship we have with the United States but rather improve it.” Adding, “It (the Year of German American Friendship) is designed so that people learn more about Germany than any normal American person could ever possibly want to learn and, what is more, this will be done in an annoyingly friendly and courteous manner for, like, well, a whole year or something. Unless, of course, you lighten up with this tariff bullshit already. Here, let me shake your hand again.”

“Things that used to be taken for granted are no longer that way, they must be worked on.”

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Alien Crop Circle Discovered In Prackenbach

That’s in Germany.

AfD

Actually, it’s in Bavaria. But still.

And it’s not really an alien crop circle, either. It’s more like an alien cross. It’s a strange geometrical figure and ancient religious icon most likely stemming from the cultures of Eurasia where it remains a symbol of divinity and spirituality in Indian and East Asian religions, to be exact.

So I guess this crop circle didn’t come from outer space after all. It’s also made of manure. That, too, is pretty weird and strange. And the letters “AfD” are also clearly visible next to it. Nope, no alien would write those letters. Not even an illegal alien from outer space would do that, I suppose. This was the work of human beings. Human being artist types who use manure for their shitty works of art. This, too, is weird and strange. And eerie.

Aufregung in der kleinen niederbayerischen Gemeinde Prackenbach (knapp 3000 Einwohner)!

German Of The Day: Sitzfleisch (vs. Aussitzen)

Take Angela Merkel. Please.

Merkel

To have Sitzfleisch (sitting meat) means, on the one hand, to be able to sit still for the long periods of time required to be truly productive; it means the stamina to work through a difficult situation and see a project through to the end. On the other hand, it can also refer to someone who doesn’t know when to leave. You know, like the guest who won’t go home or the chancellor who won’t go home, either?

Aussitzen (sitting something out), however, is to deal with a difficult situation or crisis by not doing anything about it. That is, to just wait it out until it finally goes away – or until the person waiting it out claims that it has gone away. You know, what Angela Merkel and other politicians like her regularly do?

“German condenses what would take about seven or eight words in English into one particular word. The humour comes from the density of the word and the fact that it expresses something in such condensed form that we can’t get anywhere near.”

This Is Tree-Hugger Treason!

Or treeson, I should say. What? They’re already ready to give up after a mere six years and just… leaf?

Tree

German police confront treehouse activists after six-year standoff – Hundreds of police officers have descended on a patch of forest in western Germany occupied by activists living in treehouses, in an escalation of a long-running environmental battle.

Dozens of protesters have occupied 60 treehouses, some as high as 25 metres off the ground, since 2012 in an attempt to protect the ancient Hambach forest from being felled to make way for the expansion of an open-pit coalmine.

Why, I’m shocked. Wood you believe it? And they were doing such a treemendous job up there, too. What do they do now? Look for a new branch of work?

Polizei holt ersten Hambach-Aktivisten von Plattform.

Another German Initiative Bites The Dust

Although they moan the loudest about it, Germans and other vocal continental moaners have finally succeeded in doing away with that awful, terrible and truly horrible daylight savings time nonsense – an idea that they introduced in the first place.

Time

The German Empire and Austria-Hungary organized the first nationwide implementation, starting on April 30, 1916. Many countries have used it at various times since then, particularly since the energy crisis of the 1970s.

A European Union online survey has concluded that a vast majority of the bloc’s citizens are against switching between summer and winter time. All signs point towards the EU now putting a stop to changing the clocks.

More than 80% of respondents to the largest online survey in EU history are in favour of abolishing changing the clocks in summer and winter, German newspaper Westfalenpost reports, citing well-informed sources in Brussels.

Es wäre sinnlos, die Bevölkerung erst zu einem Thema zu befragen, und dann, wenn es einem nicht passe, dem nicht zu folgen.

PS: Of the roughly five million Europeans who actually took part on the online survey over three million of them were German.

Germans Confused By Erdogan Statue

What’s there to be confused about? It’s a golden statue of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. In front of the fire department in freakin’ Wiesbaden, Germany. Or it least it used to be there.

Erdogan

The 4-meter (13-foot) statue of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had been erected in Wiesbaden on Monday much to the surprise and confusion of the residents of the southwestern German city.

The larger-than-life effigy installed in the city’s Platz der Deutschen Einheit (German Unity Square) depicts Erdogan with a raised right arm, a pose reminiscent of the famous statue of the late former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, which American forces tore down in 2003 during the Iraq invasion…

It was an art installation, part of the Wiesbaden Biennale for Contemporary Art, but was erected without the knowledge of city officials, a Wiesbaden spokesperson told German news agency dpa on Tuesday. This year’s art festival is taking place under the motto “bad news.”

“Wir haben eine Reihe von irritierten Bürgern, die bei uns anrufen. Es ist für viele nicht erkennbar, dass es im Rahmen der Biennale läuft.”

And What About The Illegal Aliens From Outer Space?

World famous for opening their borders to illegal aliens from anywhere and everywhere else in this world, German Green politicians were recently stunned to discover that their government has failed to adequately prepare for the possible arrival of illegal aliens from other worlds.

Aliens

“So how do you organize a welcome party for an alien race?” asked a flustered CDU politician during intense questioning. “You planet!” the Greens shouted back.

The German government says it has made no preparations for the possibility that aliens might land in the European country.

In a response to questions from opposition Green Party lawmaker Dieter Janecek, the government said “there are no protocols or plans for a possible first contact with alien life.”

“A first contact on German territory is extremely unlikely, based on today’s scientific knowledge.”

No Fake News Here

It’s called “miscommunication.”

Miscommunication

This week, two individuals became the focus of global celebration following an unlikely and joyous confluence of circumstances.

The viral story went that two elderly men escaped their care facility to attend a metal festival in northern Germany (or, as one headline put it: “Elderly Men Escape Retirement Home to Go RAGE!!”).

Except they weren’t, and they didn’t.

The two men, as it turns out, are 58 and 59 years old and had escaped “a home for people with mental health issues,” according to the Associated Press, before traveling to Wacken, a city roughly 50 miles north of Hamburg. They arrived there at the same time that the Wacken Open Air music festival — referred to as the world’s largest for metal — was happening.

If they can’t or won’t get the facts straight on a harmless little story like this then imagine what kind of fairy tale twisting must be going with the more politicized stuff.

World Ending Again

In Germany.

Heat

In a country where everyone is always complaining about the lack of sunshine, several consecutive months of heat and sunshine (in other countries referred to as “the summer”) have led the alarmist fringe of the population (that’s roughly 97% of the population) to the scientific conclusion that they now find themselves smack dab in the middle of a major “state of meteorological emergency” and are all going to die even before the sky gets the chance to fall down. If only the gray skies and rain would come back so they could bitch and moan about that again! As nature intended.

What makes summer 2018 an exception is the unusually long period of heat. Such a persistent period of fine weather, with lots of sunshine and little rain, occurs on average once every 10 years at most in the country. And given the lack of rain, it’s not the heat that’s the problem, but the drought — especially in northern and eastern Germany, where there has been virtually no rainfall in some places since May.

This may be due to climate change, but it may also be unrelated. Germany has also experienced extreme droughts in previous years. In 1992, for example, when wheat withered away in the fields, wells dried up and priests prayed for rain at church services. Or in 1971, when forest fires flared up in many places across the country. Or in 1947, when even drinking water became scarce.

“Somebody is always complaining. It’s sheer nonsense.”