Clowns Funny After All

It took me forever to finally get how this creepy clown conspiracy stuff works but now I’m laughing my Hintern (behind) off.


I had always found clowns creepy (even the old-school, “normal” kind) and anything but funny but that’s only because nobody had ever explained to me how this works. Once one of these new “horror clowns” shows up to bug you, for instance, you either stab them with a knife or wack them with a hammer. Well that’s how they’re doing it here in Germany. Hardy, har, har! Give me more!

Horror-Clown-Attacke: Junge wehrt sich mit “Hammer Gottes.”

German Of The Day: Rechtspopulistisch

That means right-wing populist. You know, like what the German state TV channel ARD has insisted upon labeling the AfD party up until now?


This has changed, however. As the head talking head what’s in charge over there (in there?) explains: “The background behind this is the fact that given the latest state elections, the AfD has attained such a high level of recognition that the permanent classification of them through this attribute is no longer necessary in order to make an orientation possible by the viewers.” The proper orientation, I assume he means.

The Pöbel (rabble) has now finally been dutifully informed so the ARD is going to gracefully condescend to move on to the next Umerziehungsmaßnahme (re-education measure) on the list. Whatever that might be. So stay tuned. As if you had a choice.

Hintergrund dieser Vorgehensweise ist die Tatsache, dass die AfD nicht zuletzt aufgrund der zurückliegenden Landtagswahlen einen solch hohen Bekanntheitsgrad erreicht hat, dass es der permanenten Einordnung durch dieses Attribut nicht mehr Bedarf, um den Zuschauerinnen und Zuschauern eine Orientierung zu ermöglichen

Renewable Energy Keeps Renewing Its Price

Ever upward, of course.


But Germans don’t mind paying this. That’s just the price they have to pay for, uh, the price they have to pay.

Germany’s green energy levy for 2017, the surcharge in consumers bills that supports renewable energy generators, will increase by 8.3% year-on-year to EUR 0.0688 (USD 0.076) per kWh.

Verbraucher müssen zur Förderung von Strom aus Windkraft und Sonne wohl auch im nächsten Jahr tiefer in die Tasche greifen. Die sogenannte Ökostrom-Umlage wird von derzeit 6,35 Cent auf 6,88 Cent pro Kilowattstunde angehoben.

German Of The Day: Angststörung

That means anxiety disorder.


Germans don’t have this problem, though. Their anxiety is always in perfect working order.

Etwa fünf Prozent der Bevölkerung haben einmal in ihrem Leben generalisierte Ängste. Frauen sind häufiger betroffen als Männer.

“Ich war irgendwann überzeugt, mein Zahn wird ausfallen.”


And Yet Another Leap Forward Already

Back to the past, I mean.


Step one: Develop a a maglev train technology that any ecology-minded tree hugger and profit-minded industrialist ought to have been thrilled about.

Step two: Go out of your way as ecology-minded German tree huggers to make absolutely sure that this technology is a complete failure at home.

Step three: Give up as a government years later by auctioning off the technology to the lowest bidder. Fine, to the highest bidder. But they’ll be giving it away “for an apple and an egg,” as the German idiom goes.

Jahrzehntelang stand der Transrapid für die Mobilität der Zukunft – die in Deutschland aber nie Gegenwart wurde.

Germany Leaps Forward Again

In the saving the world game, I mean.


And here you thought the Germans shutting down their nuclear power plants after an accident in Japan was hardcore enough (and it was). Now they’re going to outlaw internal combustion engines (albeit not until the year 2030).

Amazing Scheiße, I find. It does make me wonder what they’re going to be outlawing next, however. I would have bet on the wheel but it’ll be pretty much taken care of as soon as the internal combustion engines go so I’m now going to put my money on fire itself. Do you have any idea how much CO2 cooking your food releases into the atmosphere? Me neither, but you can be sure that it’s way too much. At least in Germany.

Being a subscriber to Mad Magazine, when I first saw the title of this article at Gizmodo recently, I assumed I’d mixed up my bookmarks and gone to the wrong site. “German Lawmakers Vote to Ban the Internal Combustion Engine.” Oh, come on, man. That can’t be right, can it? The home of some of the higher performance engines in the history of fine cars can’t seriously be talking about this, can they? Well color me embarrassed because, with a few caveats, it turned out to be true.

Literally Dozens Of Anti-Trump Protesters Rebuild Berlin Wall

Like in a manner of minutes or something, too.


Although it is still unclear to me why they did this. I mean, just because they say that Trump “is a narcissist, xenophobe, fascist, racist and a phony populist,” doesn’t necessarily mean that he isn’t a nice guy.

Stranger still is that they then tore their Berlin wall right back down again. Talk about your never-ending, Sisyphean task. Sheesh.

And the shocking historical ignorance they demonstrate here really infuriates me, too. Everybody in Berlin knows that Donald Trump was not in the least responsible for tearing down the Berlin Wall. David Haselhoff was.

Americans residing abroad tend to be far more left-wing than their compatriots back in the US.

TTIP Demonstrators Refuse To Let Their Rotten Mood Be Ruined By The Rotten Weather

Fearing that German goods bound for US-Amerika could soon be subjected to lower tariffs, less red tape and a much wider base of consumers to purchase them, tens of thousands of German anti-TTIP demonstrators have taken to the streets to loudly voice their concerns in an hysterical love-fest of classic anti-American blather.


Unfortunately, the demonstrators seemed to have dropped the ball when it comes to rabid outbursts directed against the smaller version of TTIP with Canada called CETA. But this is most likely because Canada (another moral superpower like Germany) is bekanntlich (generally known to be) not US-Amerika so that deal is OK or something and will therefore be signed in October.

EU Trade Commissioner Cecilia Malmstrom told Saturday’s Bild daily she was aghast at the “misunderstandings, urban myths and outright lies in the debate” on the merits or otherwise of the treaty.

Big Anti-AfD Mass Rally Held In Berlin

Only without the masses. That’s strange. As we all know, or at least told time and time again, the “Alternative for Germany” AfD party is a serious threat to “all those who don’t fit into its view of the world” and must be stopped at all costs or something. So why didn’t anybody show up at the mass rally held against them yesterday in Berlin?


Maybe those telling as these things (the established parties and the established media outlets) don’t fit into the view of the German voter’s world anymore. Gee. I wonder how the regional election in Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania is going to go today?

The event, which was held in Berlin on September 3, managed to only attract 2,500 people, according to police sources. The organizers of the rally had expected around 10,000 demonstrators and said their count was 6,000 attendees.

Germany To Remain Germany

Attempting to calm current fears that Germany could possibly turn into France, Mexico or even Lithuania, German Líder Máximo Angela Merkel herself has assured her nervous countrymen that this will most definitely not be happening.


Not any time soon, at least. “It is not being actively pursued at the moment,” she elucidated.

These irrational fears came about after the population discovered well over a million foreign residents living next door to them who seem to have suddenly materialized out of nowhere, fueling speculation by some that they could be from one of those three countries. “They don’t speak French very well, though,” said one member of the population when asked. “And nobody is wearing a sombrero. I’ve never been to Lithuania myself so maybe they’re like from there or something.”

“Change is not a bad thing — it is a necessary part of life,”