Berlin Face Recognition Technology Severely Flawed

Immediately after launching their six-month test of automatic facial recognition technology at Berlin’s Südkreuz railway station, a number of the German authorities responsible have already expressed their bitter disappointment with the initial results.

Face

It seems that the face recognition software being used – programmed here in Berlin – is only capable of recognizing frowning faces and security officials involved with the project fear that the new system will not be able to recognize any cheerful, smiling terrorists who attempt to murder and maim us in the future.

“This is German software, after all,” grumbled one frowning security official, refusing to give his name for security reasons. “Now wipe that stupid grin off your face and leave me the hell alone.”

Heute ist es soweit: Die umstrittene Testphase zur Gesichtserkennung am Bahnhof Südkreuz beginnt. 300 Freiwillige haben sich gemeldet.

VW, Audi, Porsche, Daimler, BMW…

Then come the Corleones, the Camorra, the Yakuza, the Sinaloa Cartel, etc.

VW

German car makers Volkswagen (VW), Audi, Porsche, BMW and Daimler secretly worked together from the 1990s onwards on issues including polluting emissions from diesel vehicles, news magazine Der Spiegel reported on Friday.

VW, facing tens of billions of dollars in compensation and fines after admitting to cheating on diesel emissions in 2015, had reported the cartel to German competition authorities in a letter seen by the weekly, as did Mercedes-Benz maker Daimler.

“The German car industry agreed in secret working groups about technology in their vehicles, costs, suppliers, markets, strategies and even about the emissions treatment of their diesel vehicles.”

Mercedes Recalls 3,000,000 Diesel Cars For Cheat-Software Update

Citing strong dependencies between the false emission readings gathered by environmental authorities and the false emission readings measured in their own laboratories, Daimler has recalled millions of their diesel automobiles to update the illegal cheat-software used in their products and thus ensure that future false emission readings will result in the same false readings for everybody.

Mercedes

“The public debate about diesel engines is creating uncertainty – especially for our customers. We have therefore decided on additional measures to reassure drivers of diesel cars and to strengthen confidence in diesel technology.”

Strangely Disfigured German IS Women Removed From Their Tunnels In Mosul

They were then taken to a secret location in US-Amerika for further study.

ISIS

The tunnels, apparently a nesting habitat for a new super-mega-master race of renewable Islamist suicide bomber lizard people, were then destroyed by the Iraqi army using their Varon-T disruptors and Ferengi energy whips. Just in case there were any more of those yucky creatures down there. You never know. There are also unconfirmed reports that the Russians somehow managed to get their hands on a few lizard women before the tunnels could be destroyed but these unconfirmed reports have not been confirmed yet and therefore remain unconfirmed.

Five German women are in custody following a military operation in the Iraqi city of Mosul. It is alleged that they travelled to the embattled city to support the so-called “Islamic State” terror group (IS).

This Will Never Work Here

A neighborhood social network called Nextdoor where local residents (some call the neighbors) actually communicate with each other? Like, in a friendly way? In Germany?

Nextdoor

You’re wasting your time, folks. Germans hate their neighbors and are in a constant state of warfare with them. I know you think I’m joking here but I’m sad to say I’m not. Better luck next time. And keep an eye on your apple tree, pall. It’s about to grow over my side of the garden fence.

Oddity 367. Germans don’t naturally get along with their neighbors very well. Suing neighbors is not at all uncommon here. One of the reasons for this is that Germans like to mark off their territory. Disputes about territorial claims are inevitable. That’s why you often see people’s back yards completely fenced off or hedged in like small fortresses. Of course another reason for these disputes is that Germans just like to argue and are very litigious in general.

“Wenn du deinen Hund verlierst, können dir Online-Freunde ihr Mitgefühl zeigen, aber deine Nachbarn helfen dir bei der Suche.”

Massive Logistical Move Could, Should And Will Take Months

Transferring six (6) aircraft from Turkey halfway around the world to Jordan is anything but an easy logistical problem to solve.

War

Not if you are the German army, it isn’t. A move of this magnitude has to be carefully planned and cautiously implemented (not to mention cautiously planned and carefully implemented), otherwise something could go wrong because, well, only one or two of these damned planes actually fly.

And this is war, after all.

Last month, Ankara blocked a German parliamentary delegation from visiting Bundeswehr troops at the base, marking the second time that Turkey had done so. Turkish officials said their decision was a response to Germany granting asylum to Turkish military personnel accused of participating in a failed coup last year – a move that reportedly enraged Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

PS: Brought to you by the same people who gave us The Flight of the Phoenix?

Germany Not To Reach Its E-Car Goal

Nope. Sadly, chancellor Angela Merkel has just announced that Germany will not be able to reach its goal of having at least 20 e-cars on German roads by the year 2020.

E-Car

This extremely ambitious goal, mocked from the start by gas-guzzling German automobile experts everywhere (some 97 percent of the German population), has now been scrapped for a more realistic goal of a nice round non-dirty dozen.

Chancellor Angela Merkel said that Germany will likely miss the government’s target of bringing one million electric cars onto the roads by the end of the decade. The sale of electric vehicles (EVs) has remained sluggish in Germany despite discounts introduced last year and granted to buyers of green cars. In 2016, there were less than 80,000 electric cars on German roads. Experts say German consumers remain reluctant to buy EVs because of relatively high prices, limited driving range and restrictions due to the low number of charging stations.

Merkel: Ziel für E-Autos nicht zu schaffen.

Google To Help German Solar Power Fans Find Areas In Germany With More Than Five Minutes Of Sunshine Per Day

Or per week. Per month? Anyway, they’re helping as best as they can.

Solar

Google’s Project Sunroof, which estimates whether homes get enough sunlight to switch over to solar power, is launching in Germany today. It’s the first time Sunroof has expanded outside the US, where it finally reached all 50 states earlier this year after launching in 2015.

Wer überlegt, auf einem Hausdach eine Solaranlage zu installieren, wüsste gerne, wie hoch die damit erzielten Einnahmen sein können. Auf einer von Google und E.ON eingerichteten Seite lassen sich die nun vorab abschätzen.

Germans To Develop On-Demand Flying Car Service

They’re going to call it Über.

Über

A GERMAN tech firm has vowed to develop a five-seat “flying taxi” after it successfully carried out a test flight of a smaller airborne automobile.

Munich-based Lilium said the planned five-seater jet, which will be capable of vertical take-off and landing, could be used for urban air taxi and ride-sharing services.

Bundeswehr CIS

No, not CIS as in Crininal Investigative Service. That’s CIS as in Cyber and Information Space Command.

CIS

That’s the name of Germany’s new “cyber commando” group, some 260 crack nerd troops who have now begun defending their country against cyber attacks (over 284,000 such attacks were registered during the first nine weeks of this year alone, according to the German defense ministry). As soon as they get funding for computers and other cyber stuff like that, that is (this is the Bundeswehr after all).

IT specialists have cast doubt over the ability of the Bundeswehr as currently configured to keep up: its procurement processes are notoriously slow, for example. It will need to show itself to be much more flexible and agile in future.