Clothes Pins May Also Be Introduced

If you can’t figure out how to wear your face masks properly.

Masks

Berlin hopes especially pungent body odor will force people to wear masks – If the risk of contracting the coronavirus isn’t enough to make you wear a mask properly, then someone else’s pungent body odor will surely suffice.

Public transportation officials in Berlin issued a cheeky recommendation for riders last week to stop wearing deodorant, and let their natural odors waft through the shared air, so others can have their masks fully cover their mouths and noses.

“Given that so many people think they can wear their masks under their noses, we’re getting tough.”

Just Say No

No, not no to drugs. Just say no to energy. Electricity was yesterday.

Energy

No nuclear energy, no coal energy. Not much sun either for solar energy. There’s lots of wind in Germany, though. Hot air mostly but still.

Germany is first major economy to phase out coal and nuclear – German lawmakers have finalized the country’s long-awaited phase-out of coal as an energy source, backing a plan that environmental groups say isn’t ambitious enough and free marketeers criticize as a waste of taxpayers’ money.

Bills approved by both houses of parliament Friday envision shutting down the last coal-fired power plant by 2038 and spending some 40 billion euros ($45 billion) to help affected regions cope with the transition.

The plan is part of Germany’s ‘energy transition’ – an effort to wean Europe’s biggest economy off planet-warming fossil fuels and generate all of the country’s considerable energy needs from renewable sources. Achieving that goal is made harder than in comparable countries such as France and Britain because of Germany’s existing commitment to also phase out nuclear power by the end of 2022.

German Of The Day: Dax-Zombie

That means DAX zombie.

DAX

For the first time, a DAX company, Wirecard, has gone broke but won’t be kicked out of the index until September.

Wirecard has filed for insolvency, just days after a $2 billion accounting scandal at the company burst into the open, crashing its stock and leading to the arrest of its former chief executive.

The digital payments company said in a statement Thursday it had opened legal proceedings in Munich “due to impending insolvency and over-indebtedness.” Share

Mit Wirecard ist zum ersten Mal ein Dax-Konzern pleite gegangen. Aus dem Leitindex fliegen dürfte der Konzern aber erst im September.

Where On Earth Did I Put That €1.9 Billion?

I didn’t leave it in my other wallet now, did I?

Wirecard

Remember when Germany used to have that squeaky-clean image? Yeah. Me neither. Now Wirecard has stepped up to the plate.

German payments firm Wirecard says missing €1.9bn may not exist – Company thought money was in two Asian banks but search hits dead end in Philippines.

“The management board of Wirecard assesses on the basis of further examination that there is a prevailing likelihood that the bank trust account balances in the amount of €1.9bn do not exist.”

Your Flight From 2012 Is Now Ready For Boarding

What do you mean? Berlin’s party joke phantom airport may be opening after all?

Airport

Too bad I didn’t keep our plane tickets from 2012 as souvenirs. They showed us departing from Los Angeles (LAX) and arriving at Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER), which was just about to open. But the launch, already delayed the previous year, was again called off at the last minute. So we landed instead at the charming but small Tegel airport (TXL) that dates back to the early Cold War…

To pessimists, BER symbolizes Germany’s bad developments. Its highly publicized bureaucratic and engineering fiascoes have dented the country’s former reputation — not always entirely flattering — of being relentlessly meticulous and punctual. The subtext is that Germany, whether it’s building airports or algorithms, is increasingly leaving economic dynamism to others, especially China.

To optimists, this too is part of Germany’s long historical arc to “normality.” Germans today are more relaxed about their national identity and place in the world than they’ve ever been. That explains why they’ve also been nonchalant about BER’s travails. The truth is, many Germans have secretly been savoring the airport headlines as a font of gossip. Many an awkward dinner party has been saved by boozy debates about whether humans would set foot on Mars before disembarking at BER, or whether it would be more cost-effective to rebuild the capital near a working airport.

German Of The Day: Antikörper

That means antibodies. You know, like antibodies that block coronavirus from spreading further?

Corona

German scientists have detected an antibody that blocks the coronavirus from entering cells, providing a much-needed shield for severely ill patients. While not a cure or vaccine, it is still a significant development.

“This is clearly a breakthrough that shows that we are on the right track for the development of a drug against Covid-19,” said virologist Professor Luka Cicin-Sain.

“In repeated experiments, we were able to show that this result is sustainable.”

Deutsche Forscher finden Corona-Blocker.

Germans Now Testing On Human Subjects

Despite hearing every five minutes in the German media that a coronavirus vaccine won’t be availble anytime even remotely soon so forget about it already, a German pharmaceutical company has begun testing a potential vaccine on human beings THEMSELVES.

Frankenstein

If things go really bad they might receive regulatory approval really soon and begin trials in the United States too.

“We are leaving no stone unturned as we explore every option to help provide society with a treatment or cure.”

Now That There Are No Flights Anymore

The long-delayed, delayed, delayed, delayed (since 2011) opening of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER) will finally go ahead as planned, planned, planned and planned.

BER

Clever, really. Almost diabolical.

‘No risks’ ahead of Berlin Brandenburg (BER) airport opening in October 2020 – According to its operator, there are no more obstacles to get in the way of the BER airport finally opening its doors in October this year.

“We do not see any risks ahead of the first operations in October 2020.”

Easy Money

A government program that’s easy to scam? Wow. That’s never happened before.

COVID

It’s not the government’s money in the end anyway so who cares, right? Money for nothing and the click’s for free.

The government of North Rhine-Westphalia, a province in western Germany, is believed to have lost tens of millions of euros after it failed to build a secure website for distributing coronavirus emergency aid funding.

The funds were lost following a classic phishing operation.

Cybercriminals created copies of an official website that the NRW Ministry of Economic Affairs had set up to distribute COVID-19 financial aid.

Crooks distributed links to their sites using email campaigns, lured users on the sites, and collected details from locals. They then filed requests for government aid on behalf of the real users but they replaced the bank account where funds were to be wired.

I Just Had To Look

Having read the book…

Movie

Not. If it weren’t for Corona, I’d go watch Corona – The Movie. I mean, if it were a movie that acutally existed and all that.

‘Corona – The Movie’ is our project. First we need the kind of director who nails the son of a bitch, a guy who will not rest until the virus is turned into lasagna, in its own movie. We need a director who rocks big-time, a man whose name is Martin Scorsese.

The Cast?

Mrs. Corona: Balle Herry
The bad virologist, Professor Pandemia C. Galore: Sigourney Beaver
The good virologist, Professor Vacuna Matata: Sandra Bullocks
The protective mask: Jim Carrey
The individual on the respirator: Brad DiCaprio
The narrator: Bernie Sanders
The arrogant ICU doc: Harrison Dodge
The helpful nurse: Angela Merkel
The Sheriff: Clint Westwood

The Plot? Who cares.