Let’s champion something else for awhile

Although the title may be an unofficial one, it looks like its official now: Germany is poised to lose the title of world’s top exporter this year – to China (who else?).  The recession may be over here (or not), but the recession elsewhere continues to lower the demand for expensive German cars, machinery and other Teutonic stuff.

Only dummies would buy these cars.

In other words, the rest of the world is now doing what the Germans have been doing here all along: The cheaper the better. No, that’s not a dance, although it might become one.

“Germany’s trading partners are going more for cheaper products right now.”

German subs to help thwart latest Taliban offensive

Or why else would Germany be selling such highly expensive weapons systems to one of everybody’s favorite nuclear-armed states?

The Taliban will never know what didn't hit them.

That’s right, after Chancellor Merkel’s government quietly gives its OK to the sale of three Class 214 submarines to Pakistan during the visit of a Pakistani delegation in Berlin today, Pakistan will become the first nation in maritime history to use these deadly underwater weapons against Islamist radicals in the mountainous border region between Pakistan and neighboring Afghanistan.

When asked how on earth a submarine could possibly be of any use in the rocky reaches of South Waziristan, a German military expert who refused to identify himself smugly replied “These are German submarines. They’re that good.”

“The money would be better spent on equipping and training its land forces to combat terrorist insurgents.”

Buy German – or Czech if you prefer

So much for my theory about this being a German car subsidy conspiracy plan. What a lemon, this German Abwrackprämie or cash-for-clunkers idea has turned out to be. If you work in the German car industry, that is.

Buy-a-wreck?

The government stepped in as usual and helped everybody again and no force in the universe could stop them, as usual again. But this time it was the German government helping out the Czechs, unintentionally of course. I know this sounds complicated at first but that’s only because it actually isn’t.

Since Berlin has been shelling out 2,500 euros to anybody who trades in his or her old wreck for a new one, I mean a new car, Skoda’s production plants have been at full production, if you get my drift. Hyundai, Renault and other foreign plants have been profiting from the handout, too.

Hey, the government meant well. They always do. Now if one could only find out how to stop them from helping maybe things might finally start moving forward here.

“Since the end of March, we are in full production — five days a week, on three shifts.”

New inflation worries in Germany

Like where to find it. There are worse things to worry about, I guess.

Inflation nation?

If you have to look at the bright side in Germany these days, and some folks just can’t help it, then maybe having a look at the German inflation rate might help you out. It’s the lowest it’s been in twenty years, at zero. Zero is pretty low, if you stop and think about it, so that’s a good thing, I think.

That’s right. Prices haven’t risen here in a year, on average, so-to-speak. Of course wages haven’t necessarily risen all that much either (for those still working), but still.

„Die Null-Inflation sorgt dafür, dass die Menschen trotz wachsender Ängste um ihren Arbeitsplatz oder die Sorge um die Staatsfinanzen ihre Kauflust bisher nicht verloren haben. Und der stabile Inlandskonsum ist derzeit die einzig verbliebene Konjunkturstütze.“

Put the wheels back on again already

“It was never meant to be like this. A reunified Germany, at the heart of an expanding European Union and single currency, was supposed to offer a decent, stronger alternative to the “casino capitalism” that Germans have long thought of as represented by the US model that they love to hate.

When the credit crunch first broke in the autumn of 2007, bringing banks such as Northern Rock down almost immediately, the Germans allowed themselves a quiet chuckle of schadenfreude along the lines of “we told you so”.

But that was before the financial crisis swept through Germany’s banking system, which turned out to have had its tentacles deep into the sub-prime mortgage market in the United States. And it was before the collapse in world trade that Germany had previously depended on to drive its economy.”

“The Opel crisis is part of a much wider problem.”

Dangerous ideas

Questioning Germany’s economic model, I mean. Everything is sacrosanct here, nobody rocks the boat and nothing ever changes for the Germans. Not even (or especially so?) when everything else around them appears to be changing faster and faster all the time.

Things are as they are...

„The questions go to Germany’s future. Simplified, they ask: Can its economic model, the so-called social market economy, survive a crisis in which some of its assumptions and conceits have been devastated? Or: What does the country do about re-establishing or refashioning its dependence on exports, which are imploding as the Great Recession drags on?

The issues are essentially political because both mainstream parties spoke for months with a single voice in offering Germans and the world a fib (kind hearts might call it a misleading misjudgment): the idea that the German economy and its banking system were robust, oblivious to the implosion of American-led speculative schemes and a model of regulated, state-supervised capitalism that Chancellor Angela Merkel said the planet should follow…

The social market economy was an empty shell, Wolfgang Münchau wrote in The Financial Times Deutschland, referring to it as a “discontinued, one-off model. Its network of social protections is sanctified. But trade-offs among its interest groups, he said, have taken over the system’s fulcrum of power.“

“I think we’re in a kind of tape delay, cushioned by our welfare state.”

Sex and taxes

Or was it death and taxes? Anyways, if you absolutely positively must auction yourself off online somewhere, don’t do so at a German site.

Representation without taxation!

This of course being tantamount to prostitution, and with Germans taxing their prostitutes at 50% of their earnings, you could, well, really get screwed or something.

„Die Brünette hatte sich eine höhere finanzielle Entschädigung erhofft.“

Uh oh, this really is a crisis

When Germans stop flying off on vacation, it’s all over. The number of German passengers fleeing the country (mostly for vacation) sank a record 9.3 percent during the first quarter of this year.

Grounded again

Records show that the biggest drop in bookings was seen with those flights to the United States, this down nearly 18 percent, meaning some 1.9 million less German visitors than in the first three months of 2008. And this is Obama-America now too, you know. Oh my God we’re all gonna die or something.

„Die Zahl der von deutschen Flughäfen aus startenden Passagiere sank im ersten Quartal um 9,3 Prozent und damit so stark wie seit 15 Jahren nicht mehr.“

All German Opel plants, all the time

Soon Chancellor-not-to-be and current Vice-Chancellor and part-time Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (so like how many hyphens was that?) is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it anymore. Not during election time at least.

Today Chrysler and Opel, tomorrow...

He has cast doubt on Fiat’s proposed plan to take over Opel if consolidation includes closing any of Opel’s four production plants. Italians can’t vote here, you see. And they wouldn’t vote for him if they could, so there.

By the way, you mayboe ought to know what some Germans say Fiat stands for: Fauler Italianer aus Turin (lazy Italian from Turin).

„Für Wahlkampfzwecke missbraucht?“