Why it’s so bad…
That when sex workers start suggesting stimulus packages they’re actually referring to money. Bad? It’s so bad in German brothels these days that fewer and fewer people are coming. We’re talking bad. It’s so bad that experts fear the industry is flat on its back. You want bad? It’s so bad these days that it might take months or even years before business picks up and turns the street corner again.
“Economic aid would be judicious.”
Well, sort of. Humorless German police are all hot and bothered these days just because the latest German-issue Mickey Mouse comic book came equipped with a Chinese kiddie radio the kids can use to listen to real live grownup German police calls with.
Unfortunately for the cops trying to straighten this touchy matter up, every time a patrol car gets called in to arrest one of these no good American comic book reading punks, they always somehow manage to disappear before the grumps can arrive.
“Wir prüfen, ob ein Verstoß gegen das Fernmeldegesetz vorliegt.”
“Violent video games have come under attack here in the wake of last week’s shooting, in which a former student gunned down 15 people at a high school in southern Germany. Media reports and local politicians have pointed to the fact that the shooter played popular video game “Counter Strike” as a factor in the massacre.”
Pulling out their favorite charm cannon Finance Minister Peer Steinbrück himself, the Germans have begun battering neighboring offshore financial center states like Switzerland after launching a surprise ravaging verbal abuse offensive.
Hoping to recover unpaid taxes in vicious hand-to-hand or at least toungue-to-tongue combat (yuk), Steinbrück has lambasted the small, defenseless, filthy rich neutral country for being a safe haven for thousands of rebel German fiscal terrorists who have stashed away their savings there for some mysterious reason that nobody here in Berlin can even begin to explain, much less figure out.
Steinbrück has even openly “doubted” Swiss promises to make their banking system more transparent, initiating a further diplomatic scandal between the two nations. Other than the surprise ravaging verbal abuse offensive part, I mean. The Swiss Foreign Ministry has actually summoned the German ambassador to protest the “unacceptable” remarks by Steinbrück. But this was long after the offensive started so like who cares?
That offshore financial centers like Switzerland have nothing to do with the problems created by cash-strapped governments like Germany impresses Herr Steinbrück little as they are nevertheless easy targets to bash at the moment and this gracefully distracts from the current political paralysis in Berlin concerning all things having to do with the financial crisis, or at least with all things having to do with the financial crisis and international solidarity.
„Er erklärt, wieso die Eidgenossen Bundesfinanzminister Peer Steinbrück (SPD) für einen hässlichen Deutschen halten.“
Loosened up after several bottles of Rotkäppchen Sekt that German “Research” Minister Annette Schavan brought along with her especially for the occasion, Washington insiders report that a tipsy US Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano then allowed Schavan access to what used to be one highly restricted American anti-terrorism technolgies lab.
Still smashed after breakfast later that morning, Napolitano then signed a so-called treaty on scientific and technological cooperation that Schavan shoved under her bright red nose at an opportune moment, right before she passed out on her desk, in other words. The German Research Minister then mysteriously disappeared into thin air and could not be located anywhere in the once secure building by formerly secure security personnel, no matter how hard they researched.
“This is an important contribution to the strengthening of trans-Atlantic cooperation.”
Oder (won’t they? fix this mess?)? After doing something the Germans call Shakehands with top GM executives in US-Amerika, and then getting a green light from them (GM is interested in keeping a minority stake in Opel), German Economy Minister (Mininster for the Economy?) Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg now sees hope for the ailing German-American, American-German car maker after all.
Although the German government was completely unconvinced by the rescue plan Opel submitted to them earlier this month, rightly arguing that it left too many questions unanswered, Guttenberg figures he can now convince our smart guys in Washington with the same plan, easy. And he’s probably right, too. These guys will buy anything.
The Germans are reluctant to throw tons of money at Opel unless it stands a good chance of surviving the current crisis, you see, AND unless they can avoid seeing any German state aid being funneled across the Atlantic to prop up that evil Mother of All Car Companies, GM. They aren’t doof (stupid). They want it the other way around. GM gets the money from the US government and then indirectly subsidizes Opel by taking a minority stake as private investor.
Like I said, Herr zu Guttenberg is optimistic and I don’t blame him one bit for being so. This plan sounds bullet-proof to me. This is true German economics in action. He’s the Economy Minister, remember? Minister for the Economy, I mean.
„Aufschluss über die Haltung der US-Regierung erwartete sich der Bundeswirtschaftsminister aus den geplanten Gesprächen mit dem US-amerikanischen Finanzminister Timothy Geithner. Doch der hat in der Krise mit den Schwierigkeiten der US-Finanzfirmen wie dem Versicherer AIG noch ganz andere Probleme als Opel und General Motors auf dem Tisch.“
Or Kinderkrankheiten (children’s diseases, bugs), as the Germans like to say. You know how it is. Some customers have to moan no matter what. Just because a turbine or two stops working, an occasional cable melts down and paneling falls off here and there, those bitchy Bedouins down there in the Emirates are getting all hot and huffy about their brand new fleet of four Airbus A380 mega monster machines.
Some of these Emirate guys are so mad about what they see as a lack of European quality control that they are even rumored to be considering demanding their money back. The only problem with that is that nobody knows what they paid for these puppies in the first place being that money just bubbles up out of the sand down there anyway, so-to-speak, so like, who cares?
„Vier Großraumflugzeuge hat Emirates seit vergangenem Jahr im Einsatz, die seitdem immer wieder einmal Probleme machen.“
With all this gun control and pacifism of yours, I mean. “Germany is now second only to the US in terms of the number of deaths that have resulted from school shootings.”
Even some of you must realize by now that your attempts to find blame for these horror fests in that threatening, shadowy and sinister thing you see as US-Amerika leads nowhere but to your own damned front doorstep. People are sick all over, sicker than you are willing to admit, but if it makes you feel better…
Finding blame is a waste of time too, by the way. But that’s another sad story.
“Mass killer ‘rejected’ by girl at party.”
Observing Hermann 