Speaking of spending…

This is news? Well the amount is rather newsworthy, I guess. That ever-busy German Federal Office for Statistics has just determined that American consumers spend more than their German counterparts do. Like, I had no idea.

On average, the American consumer spends 5000 euros a year more than the German consumer does (and yes, there is more than one). But that was then and this is now. Americans apparently don’t want to spend so much anymore, for some strange reason, so it’s up to the Germans and Co. to pick up the slack and save the world’s economy and start shopping till they drop already.

I believe this will happen, too. But, then again, I also believe that Santa Claus is actually the Easter Bunny (and vice versa) and that monkeys regularly fly out of Peer Steinbrück’s… You know; ears.

„Demnach lagen im vergangenen Jahr die jährlichen Konsumausgaben pro Einwohner in Deutschland mit 17 073 Euro deutlich unter dem US-Wert von 22 457 Euro.“

Spend more, save less?

When it comes to Germany? Right. But I wish you a nice try though anyway, you G-20 finance minister folks meeting in London in three weeks.

“In asking the Germans to spend more and save less, for example, the United States is challenging not only the ingrained habits of a risk-averse people but the growth model upon which German industry is built and upon which millions of German jobs depend. The U.S. economy can’t generate enough demand by itself to pull the global economy out of the downturn, even with Mr. Obama’s stimulus — the recession has forced a dramatic and probably permanent increase in U.S. savings. Indeed, this is one reason that German exports are tanking. But Germany can’t just convert to a high-consumption model overnight. The same goes for Japan and much of Asia.”

That’s right, Germany. The big American spending party seems to finally be over at last (at least for now). Now it’s your turn. But don’t panic, it’s all about perception, remember (think Obama)? It can be the best of worlds if you want it, or it can be the worst of worlds. We all know which kind of world you have tended to lean to in the past, but these are exceptional times we are living in here, people. Make it happen (yes you can).

“Germany, Europe’s economic engine, ardently resists talk of a bailout for either old or new Europeans, fearing it will inevitably get stuck with the tab.”

Kenya will be a wonderful place to try pirates

March 11, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Humor Tags: Pirates 1 Comment

“Back in Berlin, no one knew what to do at first. It seemed as though the relevant ministries were totally surprised by the unheard-of fact that the soldiers Germany had dispatched to the Gulf of Aden might actually catch some pirates.”

“All countries that have dispatched warships to patrol the coast of Somalia are in a difficult legal position as soon as they make arrests.”

“There is no logical reason for a Kenyan court to try to convict the suspects.”

What’s out is in and vice versa again

March 10, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hate Tags: Taliban Leave a comment

Funny how times change, or how perception does. When it comes to Afghanistan, I mean. Although one can argue over here (and some folks actually do) that when Barack Obama proposes to talk to “moderate” Taliban (?) he “not only openly admits to the catastrophic situation, he also openly admits his helplessness,” others welcome the move, of course, and are having one of those we-told-you-so kind of moments.

“From sarcasm to outrage went the range of reactions when the the former head of the German Social Democrats, Kurt Beck, on the occasion of a visit to Afghanistan, suggested two years ago to negotiate with “moderate Taliban.” Now U.S. President Barack Obama has taken up exactly that proposal – and no one is laughing anymore.”

Well I’m certainly not. I’m shocked, to tell you the truth. As mentioned above, I think sarcasm to outrage are the proper reactions to such an idea.That such a proposal can actually even be considered today, much less considered to be salonfähig (socially acceptable), much less to be considered to be something that anybody could want to laugh about is beyond me. Talk about sad.

“The West simply can’t bumble about anymore in Afghanistan.” Says who?

Finanzmarktstabilisierungsgesetzverfassungsbeschwerde

March 9, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Financial crisis, German 1 Comment

Say that word ten times real fast. Hurts, don’t it? But what does it mean, you ask? I’ll tell you what it means. Or at least I’ll try to tell you what it means. This is important, I think. This could be our way out. Out of the financial crisis, I mean.

Finanzmarktstabilisierungsgesetzverfassungsbeschwerde means that some poor lady who invested with Lehmann Brothers a while back is going to take her “case” to the German supreme court and try and get her money back based on the premise that if the banks get bailed out, then why not her.

Of course her mom probably never told her that just because little Jimmy or a bunch of big honkin’ banks jump off the bridge by making unsound investments doesn’t mean that she has to do the same damned thing. I’m just sayin’.

And now that I’ve re-read what I just wrote I’m not at all sure what’s worse, Finanzmarktstabilisierungsgesetzverfassungsbeschwerde (the word) or my attempt to explain what it means.

„Finanzhilfen für notleidende Kreditinstitute – nicht aber für Privatpersonen?“

Recht haben wollen

March 8, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy Tags: Greed 1 Comment

Aber richtig sein (but is it right?). This sounds familiar somehow. Like, where’s the money? That’s what a German ex-Hypo Real Estate boss is wondering. No, not the millions and billions (I mix those up these days for some reason) that the soon-to-be-bankrupt bank burned up over years of mismanagement (he was a boss dude, remember?), it’s all about his million or two or three euro salary and benefits that he believes he still has coming to him, legally. And perhaps he does, legally. After all, he was fired from a well-paid job you know and it’s hard to find steady work as a banker these days.

Ah, the days of wine and roses, or of corporate or even personal responsibility, if you prefer. There was a time when people had a sense of accountability for their actions, or at least a sense of decency, or at least I believe there used to be a time like that. I’m starting to wonder, though. Doesn’t the saying go that the more things change the more they stay the same? If so, then where has all that sense of accountability gone? It’s blowing in the wind or something. Or everybody has gone out of their senses.

„Der mittlerweile entlassene Institutsleiter Georg Funke will gerichtlich prüfen lassen, ob sein Vertrag weiter gilt.“

Alexa P.

March 7, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Alexa Phazer Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

What do we do with these guys now?

March 6, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hate Tags: Pirates Leave a comment

Open up a detention camp on Sylt? Damn. I’m impressed doch (after all). A German frigate actually stopped a pirate attack off the coast of Somalia and took nine suspects into custody the other day. These guys were considered suspect because German and American helicopter crews caught them attacking a merchant vessal and later when they got busted their rocket-propelled grenade launchers were still smoking pretty good here and there, even though they claimed they were just out fishing, I’m sure.

But what now? What does Germany do now with these icky yucky pirates? Hmmm, could it be that your problems just begin once you capture guys like this red-handed? It sounds familiar somehow, somewhere, sometimes.

“First, independent prosecutors in Hamburg need to decide whether the men should face trial in Germany. The German navy has given them all its evidence, and it is now up to them to say whether German interests were at stake during the attack. A specially convened commission, representing Germany’s Interior, Foreign, Defense and Justice ministries, met this week to discuss the legal status of the pirates — hitherto unchartered legal territory.”

It can happen to anyone who does it on purpose

March 5, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes Tags: Journalism 1 Comment

Annoying German journalist imposter dude Günter Wallraff recently chose some of the coldest winter days during one of the coldest German winters on record to pretend he was a homeless person in Frankfurt in order to prove that this is an unpleasant thing to be, much less do.

Among other things, Wallraff discovered that 1) many of those living on the street today had not always been living on the street before 2) that if one doesn’t have an apartment or a house with a real address, nobody can mail you anything and 3) that many of the homeless look almost like those who have homes, only their hair is often uncombed and their clothing is sometimes somewhat dirtier. This is also called investigative journalism over here, by the way. Only in German, of course.

“Sure,” said a freshly destitute and homeless Frankfurt financial banker when asked about Wallraff’s latest shocking undercover coup. “Anybody who doesn’t have to can come out here and freeze his ass off with the rest of us real street folks if he wants to, I just can’t figure out why on earth anybody would.”

„Ich hatte früher selbst Vorurteile und habe öfter einen Bogen gemacht um jüngere Leute, die auf der Straße lagerten und mir ihren Becher hinhielten.“

Governor Schwarzenegger destroys cyborg arm sent from the future

March 4, 2009 By Hermann Observer in Hi-tech Tags: Technology Leave a comment

Claiming to have only wanted to save the world from marauding machines out to annihilate humanity, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger shocked Chancellor Angela Merkel and other visitors at Germany’s CeBIT technology fair yesterday by crushing an eerie cyborg arm which had been sent to the fair from the post-apocalyptic future. He did it with his bare hands, too.

“What do you mean it’s from Japan?” asked a skeptical Schwarzenegger as a flustered Chancellor Merkel attempted to explain to him, in English (the governor avoids speaking German over here for some strange reason although we both know that you can, sir), that the arm posed no danger, especially now.

Governor Schwarzenegger then apologized and went on to give a speech about how technology will save us all. “Technology is really our great hope for creating extra revenues and stimulating the economy,” the governor said. “And as long as it doesn’t get beamed here from who knows when in one of those creepy burning spheres of plasma thingies, that’s OK by me.”

„Ich habe hier mehr Technologie gesehen als in meinem ganzen Leben.“

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”