German Greens seek relevance through innovation

Still losing votes after their recent attempt to ban fire, Germany’s Greens are now taking a more innovative approach to reduce the country’s carbon footprint by launching a newly discovered Neanderthal technology.

Wooden spears made of spruce and pine will now be used to fend off wolf attacks while collecting nuts and berries in the pristine German forest. Gunfire is way too yucky.

Neanderthals were not, after all, the brutish loners of early scientific portrayals. Instead, they too may have been innovative, social hunters with advanced toolmaking and social strategies, just like the Greens of today.

The African invasion of Germany began much earlier than previously believed

It started, like, geez. More than 45,000 years ago already.

And they were all Homo too.

Bones from German cave rewrite early history of Homo sapiens in Europe – Bone fragments unearthed in a cave in central Germany show that our species ventured into Europe’s cold higher latitudes more than 45,000 years ago – much earlier than previously known – in a finding that rewrites the early history of Homo sapiens on a continent still inhabited then by our cousins the Neanderthals.