Green With Envy

Or with hypocrisy. Take your pick. In this case  it’s both.

Erwischt

For a political party that wants no more gas/diesel-driven cars to be produced in Germany as of 2030, their talking head types sure seem to like the ones they can still get their sweaty little hands on.

A leading green politician lady was caught on film by the CDU competition as she got out of her CO2-belching Audi A8 Dienstwagen (official car) and into one of them there more correct kind of hybrid models – before driving off to an election campaign event.

The CDU guy who posted his stuff on social media wrote: “First have yourself driven to Dusseldorf in a big honking Audi A8 and then quickly jump into your waiting environmentally friendly hybrid car in the hope that nobody notices. Here’s to Green double standards!”

If I were her I’d just plead the fifth. Or tell everybody that I was suffering from performance anxiety, a very common ailment here.

„Kleiner Tipp an Frau Löhrmann: Beim nächsten Mal das Fahrzeug vielleicht besser in der Tiefgarage wechseln.“

I’ll Fill Your Prescription For You, Baby

The German Green party is not wacky or comprised of „weltfremde Spinner“ (unrealistic weirdos). Honest. Or at least that’s what they’ve been telling us for years and years.

Sex

But every once in a while something short-circuits and they get all atavistic on us and pull something where you realize that they are totally coo coo for cocoa puffs after all. The latest: A German Lawmaker Wants the State to Pay for Prostitutes for the Elderly – The Green Party lawmaker says she can imagine authorities “financing sexual assistance.”

Damn. This could give elder abuse a whole new meaning.

Tübingens Grüner Oberbürgermeister kritisiert den Vorstoß, Sexdienste für Pflegebedürftige finanzieren zu wollen. Die Grünen setzten sich wieder einmal dem Vorwurf aus, „weltfremde Spinner“ zu sein.

Next Brilliant Green Idea Set To Explode In Their Brilliant Green Faces

Having years of experience when it comes to introducing ideas that nobody likes and losing votes and power because of it,  the German Greens now plan to introduce a “wealth tax” to ensure that they will continue to lose votes in the upcoming 2017 election, as well.

Tax

In traditional re-distributive, Robin Hoodlum manner, they announced during their party conference in Wald Nottingheim (Nottingham Forest) that it is time to ask the “super rich,” whoever they might be, for a higher contribution to wasteful state spending and through this thus ensure that countless Mittelstand (middle class) companies in Germany will be disproportionately burdened. This will of course make them more competitive internationally. Not. As in Nottingham.

If industrialized countries, such as the US following Donald Trump’s victory, opted for a national orientation of their economy, German small- and medium-sized businesses would need their reserve funds more than ever before, Kretschmann stressed. The state should not go after these savings.

And Yet Another Leap Forward Already

Back to the past, I mean.

Transrapid

Step one: Develop a a maglev train technology that any ecology-minded tree hugger and profit-minded industrialist ought to have been thrilled about.

Step two: Go out of your way as ecology-minded German tree huggers to make absolutely sure that this technology is a complete failure at home.

Step three: Give up as a government years later by auctioning off the technology to the lowest bidder. Fine, to the highest bidder. But they’ll be giving it away “for an apple and an egg,” as the German idiom goes.

Jahrzehntelang stand der Transrapid für die Mobilität der Zukunft – die in Deutschland aber nie Gegenwart wurde.

Confused Green Youth These Days

We all know how the enlightened left detests flag-waving. You know, flag-waving as in “a fallacious argument or propaganda technique used to justify an action based on the undue connection to nationalism or patriotism or benefit for an idea, group or country,” whatever that means exactly.

Greens

But the Greens in Germany have taken this to a new level. Their youth group has called for German soccer fans to leave their German flags at home during the Euro 2006 because, well, “Patriotismus=Nationalismus. Fußballfans Fahnen runter!” That is, Patriotism = Nationalism. Down with those flags, soccer fans!

How do you get to that point where something as harmless as rooting for your national team becomes a sinister act of rabid warmongering? Without using hallucinogenic drugs to get there, I mean.

Flags

“Besser Patriot als ein Idiot.”

PS: I don’t have a German flag handy but good luck with Ukraine tonight anyway, Germany!

Greens Ready For Next Verbot

Coffee capsules. They’re colorful. They’re deadly. And they must be stopped.

Kapseln

According to German green scientists, these throwaway capsules produced “a mountain of garbage consisting of 5000 tons of aluminum and plastic” in 2014 alone. They refused to say where this mountain was located, however. The mountain is neither here nor there, folks. The important thing is that these capsules must be combated by introducing a so-called “deposit system” or “environmental tax,” two radical new German green ideas never yet tried before. It will be tough. And expensive. And annoying as hell. But we can only hope that their efforts will once again save our planet in time.

In Deutschland wurden dem “Spiegel” zufolge 2014 fast drei Milliarden Kaffeekapseln verbraucht. Das entspreche einem Müllberg von etwa 5000 Tonnen Aluminium und Plastik.

Greens Ask Germans To Lower Anxiety Level

Explaining that “if more people are carrying weapons it will lead to an escalation rather than a calming of the situation,” German Green spokesperson Irene Mihalic wishes to explain to her unenlightened subjects how the current sharp increase in non-lethal weapons sales over the past three months in Germany is just not nice and ought to be like stopped immediately already, you guys.

Guns

Damn. Why didn’t anybody else think about telling the rabble this before?

Mihalovic, who is Green Party spokesperson for internal security, explained the increase in demand for licenses through a growing sense of insecurity in the population.

Damn number 2. Another clever observation. I may have to rethink my stand on these German Green Shirts after all.

“Nach der Kölner Silvesternacht gibt es viel Aktionismus.”

I Got Your Green Credentials For You Right Here, Pal

“It’s ugly, but it gets you there.” But it’s ugly. And it’s getting uglier by the minute.

VW

The timing of the scandal could not be worse for the government.

Chancellor Angela Merkel is scheduled to travel to New York on Friday to persuade fellow members of the United Nations to adopt climate goals ahead of a UN climate conference in Paris in December.

Merkel sees herself as champion of climate issues and would like to see Germany’s decision to abandon nuclear power and the transition to renewable energy as one of her most lasting legacies.

In June, she helped draw up ambitious carbon emission reduction goals adopted by the Group of Seven (G7) countries.

At the same time, she has always robustly defended the interests of her country’s automakers and postponed the implementation of European emission limits.

German Of The Day: Dreck Am Stecken

That means there is dirt stuck (to you) somewhere or you have dirt under your carpet – as in having done something wrong or illegal.

Dreck

You know, like Volkswagen has/does in US-Amerika? The company inserted a device into almost 500,000 cars meant to trick emissions testing, the EPA says. Volkswagen is not denying this.

So the next time Germans begin those tiring lectures about doing more for the Umwelt (another German word meaning environment), remember to make sure and check if their emissions are make-believe or not.

There are almost 500,000 vehicles on American roads with the devices installed, according to the EPA. Volkswagen must now pay to repair the emissions systems in affected cars. The government may also fine the company as much as $18 billion.

But I Didn’t Inhale

Now this one here knocked my socks CLEAN off. Finally, some real news.

Pot

German GREEN whip Anton Hofreiter from the GREEN party has revealed in a shocking interview about his new GREEN Book entitled “Toking and Criminality” that yes, he, too, he HIM-GREEN-SELF actually smoked GREEN pot in his youth. He didn’t do it all that often, though. And it goes without saying that he didn’t inhale. And that was way back when in his youth, like he says. When he was young and stuff.

His drugs today are wine and beer. Damn. He reminds me of me.

“Ja, ich habe in meiner Jugend gekifft.”