Germany

Beautiful German weapon sales of the week.

Germany

Because somebody has to admire them.

The number of Germans who have acquired weapons permits has risen considerably over the past two years. Having the requisite documentation allows people in the country to carry things like non-lethal gas pistols in public. In January 2016, just under 301,000 people had such a permit; in December 2017 there were over 557,000.

Jeepers. What makes the Germans so uptight these days?

Advertisements

Thank Goodness We Have Experts

Otherwise we dummies down here in the street would have never, ever in a million years been able to figure out that the spike in violent crime in Lower Saxony is directly related to the arrival of migrants there.

Crime

And thank goodness this is only the case in Lower Saxony, right?

The German state of Lower Saxony witnessed a 10.4 percent increase in crime at the height of the migration crisis, according to a study. The study’s authors said age and reporting practices factored into the connection…

According to the study, which was conducted by the Zurich University of Applied Sciences and paid for by Germany’s Ministry of Family Affairs, police witnessed an increase of 10.4 percent in reported violent crimes in 2015 and 2016. More than 90 percent of the increase (not of total violent crimes) was said to be attributable to migrants.

I know, I know. How distasteful. How can they be allowed to publish studies like that? Couldn’t somebody censor them or something?

Wissenschaftler haben die Gewaltkriminalität von Flüchtlingen am Beispiel Niedersachsens untersucht. Sie rechnen fast jede achte Gewalttat einem Asylsuchenden zu.

Why Weren’t These Women In The Safety Area?

Where they belong, I mean. Unverantwörtlich (irresponsible) of them, I find.

Berlin

Several clearly intoxicated women ventured out of Berlin’s new “safety area” during New Year’s Eve celebrations last night and were promptly sexually assaulted by those for whom the safety area had originally been set up to protect. Or at least I assume that’s why the thing had been set up. This led to the arrest of several of these poor blameless victim types by undercover cops. Don’t these women ever think about the consequences of their actions?

In what kind of a dream world are you living in, girls? Safety areas are the latest craze in German cities and everybody knows the rules. If you don’t, go get informed already. Get with the plan and stop being a public nuisance.

Auch zwei Jahre nach den Silvester-Übergriffen in Köln ist die Angst vor sexueller Gewalt bei den Feierlichkeiten groß. Berlin richtet nun eine Schutzzone für Frauen ein. Auch andere Städte haben ihr Sicherheitskonzept angepasst.

German Of The Day: Parallelgesellschaften

That means parallel societies.

Nacla Kelek

And this migration research lady, Necla Kelek, a Muslim herself, believes that Familiennachzug or family reunification policies (bringing in the families of the refugee men who came to Germany alone) would contribute to forming these parallel societies – and put a swift end to all the integration efforts the “correct” Germans out there are all so concerned about. You know, that same old been there done that good intentions blowing up in your face stuff?

At least folks like her are allowed to have this opinion.

Familiennachzug fördert Parallelgesellschaften.

The Case Of The Missing 30,000 Asylum Seekers

Not only can German citizens now sleep better at night knowing that their borders are secure (now that Austria and other countries are protecting them for them) they can also rest assured knowing that the responsible authorities who are processing the 1.6 million people currently seeking protection in Germany have everything under perfect control.

Asylum

Or practically everything. Sure, there’s that little thing that just came out about them having lost track of 30,000 rejected asylum seekers, these folks apparently having just disappeared into thin air, nobody has the slightest ideaa where they are and all that but, hey, nobody wants to introduce a police state here in Germany and when you’re talking about 1.6 million, 30,000 are just a hand full of peanuts, right?

“No wonder many people are worried and unsettled. They ask: ‘can the state protect me?’ Politicians must take this insecurity seriously.”

The Case Of The Missing Migrants

It’s not all that mysterious, really. And certainly nothing new.

Migrants

After finding 51 migrants in a Turkish truck at the Polish border on Saturday, 48 of those 51 detained have now disappeared without a trace from the initial reception facility they had been placed in. That’s German efficiency for you, I guess. No wonder this migrant smuggling business is booming here these days. It’s a piece of cake.

Authorities said that the migrants were traveling from Iraq, adding that none of them had passports or other papers.

In einem türkischen Lkw brachten Schleuser 50 Flüchtlinge nach Brandenburg. Jetzt sind 48 von ihnen aus einer Erstaufnahme-Einrichtung verschwunden.

 

US-Amerika Somehow Behind AfD’s Rising Popularity

Like duh. I suspected it all along. Who else could have possibly been behind it?

AfD

After all, as Spiegel Online reports in its inimitable fashion, the advertising company the Alternative for Germany party has now turned to “has worked with Donald Trump.” So there’s no need to read on. We don’t need to know anything more about them.

To assist in its efforts, the party has tapped Kunkel’s contacts to engage the services of advertising professionals in the United States with experience on the right-wing spectrum. The party is working together with the Texas-based agency Harris Media, which recently presented its plans to the AfD’s national committee. With its provocative and aggressive campaigns, the agency has already contributed to the success of a number of controversial politicians. In Britain, it worked with the anti-EU UKIP party; in Israel, it worked with the governing Likud party; and in the United States, news agency Bloomberg has dubbed company founder Vincent Harris “the man who invented the Republican internet.”

“Burkas? We prefer bikinis.”

German Of The Day: Familienzusammenführung

That means family reunification. And that is what 390,000 Syrian asylum seekers in Germany have now been granted.

Familien

Meaning? Meaning, of course, that 390,000 Syrian families (families, not individuals) still in Syria will now be given asylum in Germany, too (probably to include Cousin It, Uncle Fester und the neighbor’s dog). They will only be staying here temporarily, however. Just like the first wave that organized this second one, see? So it ain’t no big deal or anything. And the German government has money to burn. Or sure seems to.

390 000 Syrer dürfen ihre Familien nachholen.

Invite Unilaterally, Distribute Fairly

No, that is not an election campaign motto, although it sure could be. That, of course, is the well known thought process (for lack of a better term) behind Angela Merkel’s decision to open Germany’s borders to refugees back in 2015.

Merkel

This thought process was not well thought out, however. To put it mildly.  That Germany is located in the center of Europe and thus far away from Europe’s actual southern border, for example, a border which we have now learned does not even exist, is one itsy bitsy problem here.

Countries like Italy and Greece are completely swampted now, of course. This is because countries like Austria took care of Germany’s problem by closing their borders. Now Angela Merkel is calling once again for a fairer distribution of refugees. Like for the eighty-seventh time already. But it is not clear what she means (what part of no don’t you understand?). Does she mean Italy and Greece when she calls for EU countries to show more solidarity in taking in the refugees? Which refugees does she mean? The million or two who made it into Germany before reality made sure legality got switched back on again – or the latest batch?

Using a complex mathematical formula I have just worked out, I would say that the whole thing is an incredibly big ugly mess caused by no one other than the German chancellor and that it is up to Germany now to take care of this problem. But that’s just me. Elections are approaching in Germany and her popularity here is as high as it has ever been. And no, I don’t have a complex mathematical formula to explain that. I am not in that league.

“I would take all the important decisions of 2015 the same way again.”

German Of The Day: Heimaturlaub

That means home leave. And boy oh boy is Germany ever sticking to its guns on this one. When it comes to being super-mega-ultra strict about paying for asylum seekers’ vacation trips back home, that is.

Vacation

As German Integrationsbeauftragte (integration commissioner) Aydan Özoguz (SPD) explains, Germany doesn’t foot the bill for just any asylum seeker. They have to be Ausnahmefällen (exceptional cases) before the German tax payer will be asked to send them on an all expenses paid flight back home – and back again.

Someone’s mother dying would be such an exceptional case, for instance. Anybody’s mother (it doesn’t have to be your own). Or maybe your ex-neighbor’s dog is suffering for an ingrown toenail. Or maybe you forgot to bring your favorite bowling ball with you when you were on the run and now you have the urgent need to go pick it up. For integration purposes, of course. You know, exceptional cases like that.

I’m not making this up, people. Not all of it anyway.

“Es kann gewichtige Gründe geben, warum ein anerkannter Flüchtling für kurze Zeit in seine Heimat reisen will.”